The Wonderful Wizard Of Oz (Perusal)

Scene One

Munchkinland

A pair of legs complete with striped socks, protrudes from underneath the front of Aunt Em’s house.

Munchkins enter cautiously.

Munchkin 1

Look! That house has dropped right on top of Morag, the Witch!

Munchkin 2

She won’t bother us anymore, then.

Munchkins

Hooray! Music cue 2: Munchkins. After song ends…

Munchkin 3

Let’s go and tell the good news to Glinda.

Munchkins exit (SR)

The house door begins to slowly open and Skeeter enters.

Dorothy

(off) What’s it like outside, Skeeter?

Skeeter

(stepping out and looking about) It’s…indescribable!

Aunt Em

(off) That bad, eh? It’s a good job I have storm insurance.

Skeeter

What about life insurance?

Aunt Em

(off) Why do you ask?

Skeeter
Well I think we might’ve died and gone to heaven.

Aunt Em enters from the house, followed by Dorothy who is now wearing the ruby slippers, but nobody notices this.

Aunt Em

What are you talking about, Skeeter? (looks about) ‘Ere! Where’s my farm gone?

Skeeter

I’ve a feeling we’re not in Kansas anymore.

Dorothy

(moves DSC looking about in amazement) Gosh Toto! We must be over the rainbow, just like I wished!

Music cue 3: Glinda enters (SR) followed timidly by lots of Munchkins.

Skeeter

(pointing at Glinda) Look! An angel!

Aunt Em

It’s true! We’re all dead! (wails) Waahh!

Skeeter

Yes, but look on the bright side. At least we’re not…(pointing to the floor)…down there.

Aunt Em

You mean…Australia?

Skeeter

No, the other place.

Aunt Em

Oh, yes. That’s probably even hotter than Australia.

Glinda

(pointing her wand at Dorothy) Are you a good witch, or a bad witch?

Dorothy

I’m not a witch, at all. I’m Dorothy Gale, from Kansas.

Glinda

Well then…(pointing to Aunt Em)…that must be the bad witch? Bad witches are always ugly. Although, she’s by far the ugliest I’ve ever seen.

Aunt Em
How dare you! I’ll have you know I once won ‘Farmgirl Of The Year’. My picture was pinned up in farms all over Kansas.

Skeeter
Yes. (aside to audience) And it scared crows away better than any scarecrow.

Glinda

The Munchkins said that a new witch had just dropped a house on Morag, the Wicked Witch of the East. (pointing) Now there’s the house, and here you are. And those legs are all that’s left of Morag.

All turn to look and see the legs of Morag.

Dorothy

(gasps in horror) Oh, my!

Glinda

So what the Munchkins want to know is. Are you good witches or bad witches?

Aunt Em

None of us are witches! And I’d thank you to keep your aspersions to yourself! Who are you, anyway?

Glinda

I’m a witch.

All

(exclaim) A witch!

Aunt Em

Oh, please don’t turn us all into frogs!

Skeeter

In your case, nobody would notice the difference.

Dorothy

We didn’t mean to drop a house on your sister, honest!

Laughter and reaction from the Munchkins.

Glinda

Morag wasn’t my sister! She was my sworn enemy. I’m Glinda, the Good Witch of the North. And the Munchkins are happy because you’ve freed them from Morag.

Skeeter

What are ‘Munchkins’?

Aunt Em

Sounds like some kinda new snack, to me.

Glinda

(indicating the Munchkins to Dorothy) These are Munchkins and this is Munchkinland. You are now their national heroine, and they would like to thank you.

Three Munchkins, step forward. The Middle one holds a bouquet of flowers.

Munchkin 1

(sings) We thank you very sweetly, for doing it so neatly.

Munchkin 2

(sings) You’ve killed her so completely,

Munchkin 3

(sings) That we thank you very sweetly. (hands Dorothy a bouquet of flowers)

Glinda

Let the joyous news be spread, the wicked old witch is dead.

Munchkins

Hoorah! (dance around and sing) Music cue 4: Munchkins.
#Ding-dong, the witch is dead.
Which old witch?
The wicked witch!
Ding-dong, the wicked witch is dead.

Wake up, you sleepy head,
Rub your eyes, get out of bed.
Wake up, the wicked witch is dead!# After song ends…

An official delegation pushes its way through the crowd to Dorothy and friends. The City Mayor. A Barrister clutching a legal document and three City Fathers. They approach Dorothy with dignity. At the same time, the Munchkin Coroner crosses to the farmhouse and examines the remains of Morag.

Mayor

As Mayor of Munchkin City, in the wonderful Land of Oz. I welcome you most regally and would like to thank you for ridding us of Morag.

Barrister

But we’ve got to verify it legally. To see if she is absolutely…

Mayor

…Positively…

City father 1

…Physically…

City father 2

…Undeniably…

City Father 3

…And reliably…

All Fathers

…Dead!

The delegation all turn towards the Coroner. He stands, unrolls a scroll and delivers his verdict.

Coroner

(sings) As coroner. I have thoroughly examined her, and she’s not only merely dead. She’s really most sincerely dead.

Munchkins

Hooray!

Three little Ballerinas wobble forward on points, unroll scrolls and read.

Ballerina’s

(sing) We represent the Lullaby League, the Lullaby League. The Lullaby League. And in the name of the Lullaby League. We wish to welcome you to Munchkinland.

Three little thugs sassy forward, the middle one holds a large lollipop.

Thugs

(sing) We represent the Lollipop Guild. The Lollipop Guild, the Lollipop Guild. And in the name of the Lollipop Guild. We wish to welcome you to Munchkinland. (the lollipop is presented to Dorothy)

Dorothy

Why thank you.

SFX: Pyrotechnic flash.

Grotbag enters (DSL) clutching her broomstick. The Munchkins draw back in alarm murmuring ‘The Witch! The Witch! Grotbag circles them grinning wickedly and widening the space around her with her broomstick.

Skeeter

(to Glinda) I thought you said she was dead?

Glinda

That was her sister Morag, the Wicked Witch of the East. This is Grotbag, the Wicked Witch of the West. And she’s much worse than her sister.

Grotbag

(pointing at Glinda) Where’s my sister? (to Aunt Em) Have you seen her?

Aunt Em

I don’t know. What does she look like?

Grotbag

She’s tall, with beautiful red hair and is very, very…

Skeeter

…Flat.

Grotbag

How dare you! My sister isn’t fat!

Skeeter

I said ‘flat’ not ‘fat’.

Grotbag

Flat! What are you talking about? (sniffs Skeeter) Have you been drinking?

Glinda

(pointing to the house) See for yourself.

Grotbag

(looks at the house) All right, who’s the smart Alec that turned her into a house?

Aunt Em

Actually, she’s under the house.

Grotbag

Under the house? (approaches the house and sees the legs) Oh, my poor sister!

Dorothy

It’s my fault the house dropped on her, and I’m truly sorry.

Grotbag

You dropped a house on my sister? How could anybody be so clumsy? (looks at Morag’s feet) Her ruby slippers are gone! (to Glinda) Where are they? What have you done with them?

Glinda

(to Dorothy) Step forward, Dorothy.

T

Dorothy

Gosh! How did they get there?

Grotbag

(hypnotically to Dorothy) Give me back those slippers! They’re of no use to you. Give them back I say!

Dorothy

(under her spell – speaks robotically) Give…back…slippers.

Dorothy seems on the point of obeying Grotbag when Glinda brings her wand down between Dorothy and Grotbag and breaks the spell.

Glinda
Keep them on, Dorothy. Their magic must be very powerful or she wouldn’t want them so badly.

Grotbag

Stay out of this, Glinda, or I’ll fix you as well!

Glinda

Oh, fiddle-faddle! You have no power against me. Now be gone, before somebody drops a house on you, too.

Grotbag

Very well, I’ll bide my time. (to Dorothy) Mark my words, my fine young lady. I’ll have those slippers.

SFX: Dog barks.

Grotbag

And your little dog, too! (laughs wickedly and exits SL)

SFX: Thunder peals.

The Munchkins gather around Glinda in terror as Grotbag exits.

Glinda
(to Dorothy) I’m afraid you’ve made a bad enemy in Grotbag. The sooner you leave Oz, the better.

Dorothy

Believe me, I’d give anything to be back home in Kansas.

Aunt Em

Me too. This place is weirder than Willy Wonka’s chocolate factory.

Skeeter

(to Glinda) Can you tell us how to get back home?

Glinda

I’m afraid not. Only the Great and Powerful Wizard of Oz can do that.

Dorothy

The Wizard of Oz? Is he good, or bad?

Glinda

Oh, very good. But also very mysterious. He lives in the Emerald City, which is the capital of Oz.

Skeeter

I could be wrong. But I’m pretty sure the capital of Australia ain’t ‘The Emerald City’.

Glinda

Not that Oz. The Emerald City is a long journey from here. Did you bring your broomsticks with you? Sorry, I forgot. You’re not witches, are you?

Skeeter

Well me and Dorothy aren’t.

Aunt Em

(to Skeeter) How would you like a spell…of unemployment?

Glinda

Well then, you’ll just have to walk.

Skeeter

But we don’t know the way.

Glinda

Just follow the Yellow Brick Road.

Dorothy

Follow the yellow brick road?

Coroner

Follow the yellow brick road.

Mayor

Follow the yellow brick road.

Barrister

Follow the yellow brick road.

Aunt Em

Where exactly is the yellow brick road?

Glinda points her wand at Dorothy’s feet and the Munchkins crouch and peel away the turf from around Dorothy’s feet. The Yellow Brick Road is revealed. The Munchkins peel more of the turf away revealing the Yellow Brick Road in a spiral. Music cue 5: Munchkins.

Munchkins

#Follow the Yellow Brick Road! Follow the Yellow Brick Road! Follow, follow, follow, follow,
follow the Yellow Brick Road.
We’re off to see the Wizard,
The wonderful Wizard of Oz.

We hear he is a whiz of a Wiz if ever a Wiz there was,
If ever, oh ever a Wiz there was.
The Wizard of Oz is one, becoz, becoz, becoz, becoz, becoz, becoz,
Becoz of the wonderful things he does.
We’re off to see the Wizard,
The wonderful Wizard of Oz.#

As the songs nears the end, the Munchkins dance off (DSR) followed by Glinda. While Dorothy and friends dance off down the yellow brick road and exit (USR)

Lights dim briefly. Music cue 6: Grotbag re-enters (SL)

Grotbag

(to audience) There’s nothing so depressing as boundless optimism. Happily for me, it is totally misplaced. (shouts) Cornelius!

Cornelius enters (SR)

Cornelius

You called, mistress?

Grotbag

Yes. There’s something I want you to do for me.

Cornelius
(grimacing) It’s not cleaning that gunky stuff from between your toes again, is it?

Grotbag

Not this time. Perhaps later though.

Cornelius

Then what is it?

Grotbag

I have a little spying job for you

Cornelius

Ooohh! I’ve always fancied being a spy, like James Bond.

Grotbag

In your case, it’s more like Brooke Bond.

Cornelius

What sort of spying job is it?

Grotbag

I want you to follow Dorothy and her friends and tell me what they’re up too.

Cornelius

Is she the pretty girl in the check dress, who left with some others just now?

Grotbag

Yes, and she’s not pretty.

Cornelius

I think she’s pretty. (to audience) Don’t you think Dorothy’s pretty? (audience respond) See? They think she’s pretty.

Grotbag

I haven’t called you here to discuss the merits of some spotty teenager! Just follow them and keep me informed! Or else! (exits SL)

Cornelius

(to audience) I hate working for Grotbag. I’d much rather work for a good witch, like Glinda. But I must obey her, or she’ll turn me into a winged monkey like the rest of my people. And she knows I have vertigo. I really hate doing baddie stuff. But I don’t have any choice. (turns and slinks off SR)