Scene One
Munchkinland
A pair of legs complete with striped socks, protrudes from underneath the front of the house. Munchkins enter cautiously.
Munchkin 1 Look! That house has dropped right on top of Morag, the Witch!
Munchkin 2 She won’t bother us anymore, then.
Munchkins Hooray! Music cue 2: Munchkins. After song ends…
Munchkin 3 Let’s go and tell Glinda, the good news.
Munchkins exit (SR) The house door opens and Skeeter enters.
Skeeter How y’all doin?
Dorothy (off) What’s it like outside, Skeeter?
Skeeter It’s…indescribable!
Aunt Em (off) Well, try!
Skeeter I think we might’ve died and gone to heaven.
Aunt Em enters followed by Dorothy, who is now wearing ruby slippers.
Aunt Em What are you talking about, Skeeter? (looks about) ‘Ere! Where’s my farm gone?
Skeeter I’ve a feeling we’re not in Kansas anymore.
Dorothy (moves DS) Gosh Toto! We must be over the rainbow, just like I wished!
Music cue 3: Glinda enters (SR) followed timidly by lots of Munchkins.
Skeeter (pointing at Glinda) Look! An angel!
Aunt Em It’s true! We’re all dead! (wails) Waahh!
Skeeter Yes, but look on the bright side. At least we’re not…(pointing down)…down there.
Aunt Em You mean, Australia?
Skeeter No, the other place.
Aunt Em Oh, yes. That’s probably even hotter than Australia.
Glinda (pointing her wand at Dorothy) Are you a good witch, or a bad witch?
Dorothy I’m not a witch, at all. I’m Dorothy Gale, from Kansas.
Glinda (pointing at Aunt Em) Then she must be the bad witch! Bad witches are always ugly. Although, she’s the ugliest I’ve ever seen.Aunt EmHow dare you!
Glinda The Munchkins said that a new witch had just dropped a house on Morag, the Wicked Witch of the East. (pointing) And those legs are all that’s left of her.
All turn and see Morag’s legs.
Dorothy (gasps) Oh, my!
Skeeter There are no such things as witches.
Glinda Oh yes, there is. And I should know, because I am one.
Aunt Em Oh, please don’t turn us all into frogs!
Skeeter In your case, nobody would notice the difference.
Dorothy We didn’t mean to drop a house on your friend, honest.
Glinda Morag wasn’t my friend! She was my sworn enemy. I’m Glinda, the Good Witch of the North. And the Munchkins are happy because you’ve freed them from Morag.
Skeeter What are, Munchkins?
Glinda (indicating Munchkins) These are Munchkins and this is Munchkinland. You are now all national heroes, and they would like to thank you.
Three Munchkins step forward. The Middle one (3) holds a bouquet of flowers.
Munchkin 1 (sings) We thank you very sweetly, for doing it so neatly.
Munchkin 2 (sings) You’ve killed her so completely,
Munchkin 3 (sings) That we thank you very sweetly. (hands Dorothy a bouquet of flowers)
Glinda Let the joyous news be spread, the wicked old witch is dead.
Munchkins. Music cue 4: Munchkins.
Ding-dong, the witch is dead.
Which old witch?
The wicked witch!
Ding-dong, the wicked witch is dead.
Wake up, you sleepy head.
Rub your eyes, get out of bed.
Wake up, the wicked witch is dead! After song ends…
The Mayor, a Barrister clutching a legal document, and a Coroner, enter.
Mayor As Mayor of Munchkin City, in the wonderful Land of O
z. I welcome you most regally and would like to thank you for ridding us of Morag.
Barrister But we’ve got to verify it legally. To see if she is absolutely…
Coroner …Positively…
Mayor …Physically…
Barrister …Undeniably…
Coroner …And reliably…
All Three …Dead!
Coroner crosses to the farmhouse and quickly examines the remains of Morag.
Coroner (unrolls a scroll and sings) In my capacity as coroner.I have thoroughly examined her.And she’s not only merely dead.She’s really most sincerely dead.
Three little Ballerinas wobble forward on points.
Ballerina’s (sing) We represent the Lullaby League, the Lullaby League. The Lullaby League. And in the name of the Lullaby League. We wish to welcome you to Munchkinland.
Ballerinas move back and three little Toughs come forward. The middle one holds a large lollipop.
Toughs (sing) We represent the Lollipop Guild. The Lollipop Guild, the Lollipop Guild. And in the name of the Lollipop Guild. We wish to welcome you to Munchkinland. (the lollipop is presented to Dorothy)
Dorothy Why thank you.
SFX: Pyro flash.
Grotbag enters (DSL) clutching her broomstick. The Munchkins draw back in alarm murmuring, The Witch! The Witch! Grotbag grins wickedly and clears a circle around her with her broomstick.
Skeeter (to Glinda) I thought you said the bad witch was dead.
Glinda This is Morag’s sister, Grotbag. The Wicked Witch of the West. And she’s much worse than her sister.
Grotbag (pointing at Glinda) Where is my sister? (to Aunt Em) Have you seen her?
Aunt Em I don’t know. What does she look like?
Grotbag She’s tall, with beautiful red hair and is very, very…
Skeeter …Flat.
Grotbag How dare you! My sister isn’t fat!
Skeeter I said flat, not fat.
Grotbag Flat! What are you talking about? (sniffs Skeeter) Have you been drinking?
Glinda (pointing to the house) See for yourself.
Grotbag (looks) All right, which smart Alec that turned her into a house?
Aunt Em She’s under the house you numpty!
Grotbag Under the house? (sees the legs) Aaah! My poor sister!
Dorothy It’s my fault the house dropped on her, and I’m truly sorry.
Grotbag You dropped a house on my sister? How could anybody be so clumsy? (looks at Morag’s feet) Her ruby slippers are gone! (to Glinda) Where are they? What have you done with them?
Glinda Step forward, Dorothy.
Dorothy steps forward and notices the ruby slippers.
Dorothy Gosh! How did they get there?
Grotbag Give me back those slippers! They’re of no use to you. Give them back I say!
Dorothy Yes! Yes, I will. (goes to remove the ruby slippers)
Glinda Keep them on, Dorothy. Their magic must be very powerful, or she wouldn’t want them so badly.
Grotbag Stay out of this Glinda, or I’ll fix you as well!
Glinda Oh, fiddle-faddle! You have no power against me. Now be gone, before somebody drops a house on you, too.
Grotbag Very well, I’ll bide my time. (to Dorothy) Mark my words, my fine young lady. I’ll get those slippers.
SFX: Dog barks.
Grotbag And your little dog, too! (laughs wickedly and exits SL)
The Munchkins gather around Glinda in terror as Grotbag exits.
Glinda I’m afraid you’ve made a bad enemy in Grotbag. The sooner you leave Oz, the better.
Dorothy Believe me, I’d give anything to be back home in Kansas.
Aunt Em Me too. This place is weirder than Willy Wonka’s chocolate factory.
Skeeter (to Glinda) Can you tell us how to get back home?
Glinda I’m afraid not. Only the Great and Powerful Wizard of Oz can do that.
Dorothy The Wizard of Oz? Is he good, or bad?
Glinda Oh, very good. And very mysterious. He lives in the Emerald City, the capital of Oz.
Skeeter I could be wrong. But I’m pretty sure the capital of Australia is Canberra.
Glinda Not that Oz. The Emerald City is a long way from here. But you can fly there on your broomsticks. Sorry, I forgot. You’re not witches, are you?
Skeeter Well, me and Dorothy aren’t.
Aunt Em (to Skeeter) How would you like a spell…of unemployment?
Glinda Then, you’ll just have to walk.
Skeeter But we don’t know the way.
Glinda Just follow the Yellow Brick Road.
Munchkins Follow the yellow brick road!
Aunt Em Where exactly is the yellow brick road?
Glinda points her wand at Dorothy’s feet and the Munchkins peel away the turf from around her to reveal the Yellow Brick Road. Music cue 5: Munchkins.
Munchkins Follow the Yellow Brick Road! Follow the Yellow Brick Road! Follow, follow, follow, follow, follow the Yellow Brick Road. We’re off to see the Wizard,The wonderful Wizard of Oz.We hear he is a whiz of a Wiz if ever a Wiz there was,If ever, oh ever a Wiz there was.The Wizard of Oz is one, becoz, becoz, becoz, becoz, becoz, becoz,Becoz of the wonderful things he does.We’re off to see the Wizard,The wonderful Wizard of Oz.
As song nears the end…The Munchkins dance off (DSR) followed by Glinda. While Dorothy and Co dance off down the yellow brick road and exit (USR) Lights dim briefly. Music cue 6: Grotbag re-enters (SL)
Grotbag There’s nothing so odious as optimism. Happily for me, it is totally misplaced. (shouts) Fester!
Fester enters (SR)
Fester You called, mistress?
Grotbag Yes, Fester. There’s something I want you to do for me.
Fester (grimacing) It’s not cleaning that green gunk from between your toes again, is it?
Grotbag No, that’s later.
Fester Then what is it?
Grotbag I have a little spying job for you
Fester Ooohh! I’ve always fancied being a spy, like James Bond.
Grotbag In your case, it’s more like Brooke Bond.
Fester What sort of spying job is it?
Grotbag I want you to follow Dorothy and her friends and tell me what they’re up too.
Fester You mean, the pretty girl in the check dress, who left with some others just now?
Grotbag Yes, and she’s not pretty.
Fester I think she’s pretty. (to audience) Don’t you think Dorothy’s pretty? See? They think she’s pretty.
Grotbag I haven’t called you here to discuss the merits of some spotty-faced teenager! Just follow them and keep me informed! Or else! (exits SL)
Fester I hate working for Grotbag. But I must obey her, or she’ll turn me into a winged monkey like the rest of my people. (elicit sympathy) It’s sadder than that. I hate doing bad deeds, but I don’t have any choice. So, please don’t boo me too much. I suppose I’d better go and carry out my spying duties. (exits SR)
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