SFX: Sound of a motorbike.
MUNCHKIN 1: That sounds like Zelda, on her motorised broomstick!
MUNCHKIN 2: She must have heard us enjoying ourselves.
MUNCHKIN 3: Why does she always have to spoil our fun?
MUNCHKIN 4: It’s probably because she’s never had any fun in her whole life.
MUNCHKIN 5: I doubt she even knows what fun is.
MUNCHKIN 1: I wish a house would fall from the sky and land right on top of her pointy head.
MUNCHKIN 2: Fat chance of that.
SFX: Whistling-falling noise.
MUNCHKIN 3: [pointing up] Look!
Munchkins look up.
MUNCHKIN 4: What is it?
MUNCHKIN 5: It looks like a house falling from the sky!
MUNCHKIN 1: I’ve heard of it raining cats and dogs, but never houses!
MUNCHKIN 2: Run for your lives!
Exit Munchkins at a run – snap blackout.
SFX: Loud scream followed by crash.
Lights up, revealing the side of a house protruding from wing. Two legs wearing striped socks and Ruby Slippers poke out from underneath.
DOROTHY: [off] I think the storm’s stopped, Aunt Em.
AUNT EM: Thank goodness Dorothy. Have a look outside and see if the washing’s dry.
Enter Dorothy from house.
DOROTHY: Oh, my! I think you’d better come out here Aunt Em!
AUNT EM: [off] Don’t tell me my bloomers have blown away!
DOROTHY: I think it’s us who’ve been blown away!
Enter Aunt Em from the house.
AUNT EM: What are you talking about Dorothy? ‘Ere, where’s my farm gone?
DOROTHY: The twister must have lifted the house up and dropped us here.
AUNT EM: Yes, but where is here?
Dorothy and Aunt Em move downstage.
Enter Munchkins creeping on upstage.
DOROTHY: It doesn’t look much like Kansas.
AUNT EM: [spots Munchkins] Don’t look now Dorothy, but I think we’re in Neverland.
DOROTHY: What? [turns] Hello there!
AUNT EM: I wonder which one is Peter Pan?
MUNCHKIN 3: [pointing] Look! Underneath the house!
DOROTHY: Oh, my! It seems we’ve landed right on top of somebody, Aunt Em!
MUNCHKIN 4: It’s Zelda!
MUNCHKIN 5: There’s no doubt it’s Zelda because she’s wearing the ruby slippers!
DOROTHY: Do you think she’s dead, Aunt Em?
AUNT EM: I think there’s every chance, seeing as there’s a house parked on top of her.
DOROTHY: What are we going to do, Aunt Em?
AUNT EM: Check the house insurance for starters to see if it covers for squashing people.
MUNCHKIN 1: [to Dorothy & Aunt Em] You’ve squashed Zelda flat!
DOROTHY: We didn’t mean to! It was an accident, honest!
MUNCHKIN 2: How can we ever thank you, O great and powerful ones?
AUNT EM: Come again?
MUNCHKIN 3: We wished for a house to fall on Zelda.
MUNCHKIN 4: And you dropped one.
AUNT EM: That’s the drains! I’ve been meaning to get Dyno-rod in.
MUNCHKIN 5: And to show our appreciation, we wish to present you with these medals.
Two Munchkins hang medals around Dorothy and Aunt Em.
DOROTHY: I don’t understand it Aunt Em. We squash somebody flat as a pancake, and they give us medals.
AUNT EM: It’s a bit strange I know, but who are we to question their local customs.
Enter Glinda [SR]
GLINDA: Perhaps I can explain.
AUNT EM: Oh look, it’s Tinkerbell!
GLINDA: I’m not Tinkerbell. I’m Glinda, the good witch of the North.
DOROTHY: But I thought all witches were bad.
GLINDA: Oh no, there’s good and bad in everyone , and witches are no exception.
DOROTHY: Would you mind telling us where we are?
GLINDA: You’re in the wonderful land of Oz.
AUNT EM: Well slap my digeridoo! We’ve been blown all the way to Australia!
GLINDA: It’s not that Oz. [spots Zelda’s legs] The Munchkins were right, you have squashed Zelda flat.
DOROTHY: Yes, and we’re very sorry.
GLINDA: Don’t be my dear, you’ve done us all a favour.
DOROTHY: Have we?
GLINDA: Yes, indeed.
AUNT EM: In what way exactly?
GLINDA: Zelda was a mean and horrible witch, who caused nothing but trouble.
DOROTHY: Another witch?
AUNT EM: How many witches have you got here?
GLINDA: There are four witches in Oz – well, three now. There’s me and my sister Letitia, the good witch of the South. Zelda, who was the evil witch of the East, and her sister Olga, the witch of the West.
DOROTHY: Is Olga a good witch too?
GLINDA: Oh no, she’s even more wicked than her late sister. You must be very careful of her.
Enter Doctor at a run [SR]