Music cue 2: Chorus/Whovillers. After song ends…Annie enters (SR)
Annie (cheery) Good morning everybody!
Chorus Good morning Annie!
Annie Are you all looking forward to Christmas day?
Chorus Yes Annie!
Annie And have you all you made out your presents lists for Santa?
Chorus Yes Annie!
Annie Well, I hope you all get what you’ve asked for.
Nora enters (SL) carrying a shopping bag full of presents.
Nora Hello, Annie!
Annie Hello, Aunt Nora. I see you’ve been out Christmas shopping.
Nora Yes, dear. I’ve just bought some presents for your Aunt Flo’s kids.
Annie What did you get them?
Nora Electric hair clippers, a cordless drill and a home waxing kit.
Annie You can’t give those kinds of things to little kids, auntie!
Nora Oh, I’m sure the little dears will find some use for them.
Annie That’s what I’m afraid of. Luckily they can rely on Santa, for some sensible gifts.
Nora (laughs) Santa!? Give me a break, Annie.
Annie Don’t you believe in Santa, Aunt Nora?
Nora Is snow, white? He’s just a filament of your imagination.
Annie I bet everybody here…(indicates audience)…believes in Santa.
Nora I’ll bet you they don’t.
Annie Let’s find out, shall we? (to audience) I’ll count to three and then I want everybody who believes in Santa, to shout Santa, as loud as you can. Will you do that?
Nora And those who doesn’t believe in Santa just shout, crackers!
Annie Ready? After three…One…two…three! (response)
Nora I’ve won!
Annie Nonsense! There were far more shouts for Santa.
Nora Give over. Most of them are crackers.
Mayor enters (SL)
Mayor Good morning ladies! Merry Christmas to you both!
Annie Merry Christmas, Mr Mayor.
Nora Hello Cecil. (toys with his Mayor’s chain) You little Christmas cracker, you.
Mayor (slaps her hand away) Stop playing with my chain!
Nora If I pulled it, would you flush?
Mayor (produces a letter and hands it to Nora) This is for you.
Nora (excited) Is it a special marriage licence?
Mayor No, it’s an exclusion order.
Nora You mean, it excludes all other women from bothering you?
Mayor No. Only you.
Nora Don’t you find me, strangely attractive, Cecil?
Mayor No. I find you strange and unattractive
Nora But I have everything a man could ever want.
Mayor Yes. A hairy chest, bulging biceps and a thick moustache.
Nora I like a man with a sense of humour.
Mayor And I like a woman with a sense of shape.
Nora Luckily, I have the perfect shape.
Mayor For a blancmange, perhaps.
Nora Cheek! (starts coughing)
Annie Are you all right, Nora?
Nora Yes Annie. I always seem to get a sore throat at Christmas.
Annie Have you seen a doctor about it?
Annie And what did he say?
Nora He said I was suffering from Tinslelitis. (laughs to audience) Tinsleitis? Oh, please yourselves. (produces a twig of mistletoe and holds it above the Mayor) Would you like to kiss me under the mistletoe?
Mayor I wouldn’t kiss you under general anaesthetic.
Nora It’s a good job I know you’re only joking.
Annie Have you posted your letter to Santa yet, Mr Mayor?
Mayor Yes Annie. I sent it off to the North Pole ages ago.
Nora You’re all stark raving mad if you ask me.
Annie Aunt Nora doesn’t believe in Santa.
Mayor Then maybe this will convince her. (takes out a letter and reads) To all the children of Whoville. I’ve looked at my list and checked it twice, and I will definitely be delivering all the presents you’ve asked for this year. Yours truly, Santa. Ho-ho-ho! P.S. I love mince pies and the reindeer love carrots. There you are Nora, proof positive that Santa really does exist.
Nora Well, he definitely won’t be coming down my chimney.
Annie What makes you so sure, Nora?
Nora I live in a flat.
Mayor Santa has a magic key that will open any door.
Nora So, do I. And it’s called a gold credit card. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have some serious shopping to do.
Annie Christmas isn’t all about shopping, Aunt Nora.
Nora You could’ve fooled me. (Music cue 3: Nora. After song ends…She takes out a gold credit card) Come on, Annie. Let’s go and melt some plastic.
Nora and Annie exit (SR)
Mayor (to audience) Nora would probably melt, if she stood too close to a radiator. Her face is more plastic than Barbie’s. (exits SL)
Colin enters (SR)
Colin Hiya kids! Are you all having a good time? (response) And have you all made your lists out for Santa? (if after Christmas – say ‘as Whoville is on a different timeline we haven’t had Christmas yet, but I’ve made my list out’) Allow me to introduce, myself. I’m Colin Chuckle and I’m Whoville’s new Cheermeister. And it’s my job to see that Santa’s visit goes without a hitch. I have to ensure that all the chimneys are swept clean, and that every child has a stocking to hang up. I must also make sure that you’re all enjoying yourselves. So, if I see anybody looking a bit glum. I’ll send in the Chuckleleers, to cheer them up. (looks out) Some of you look as though you need cheering up already. (calls) Chuckleleers! Music cue 4:
Chuckleleers run through the audience, tickling them with feather dusters before exiting.
Colin That’s cheered them up. I have a feeling it’s going to be a great Christmas this year. The only thing that could possibly spoil it, is the Grinch turning up again. He’s such an old misery-guts, he makes Scrooge look like Santa by comparison. (lights dim) Music cue 5: Eh-up. It looks like something nasty’s brewing.
Grinch enters (SL)
Colin I was right. I’d better leave, quick. (goes to leave)
Grinch (points his hand at him) Freeze!
Colin (rooted to the spot) Help! I can’t move me legs!
Grinch Ha-ha-ha! (dancing with delight) It worked! It worked!
Colin You’re in big trouble when the Mayor finds out you’re back in town.
Grinch That’s what I like about Whoville. The warm welcome I always receive.
Colin The Mayor banished you for good.
Grinch Yes, and now that I’ve mastered the Harry Potter Bumper Book Of Spells. I intend to make Whoville, regret the day that they tried getting rid of…the Grinch! (to audience) That’s me, by the way.
Colin What are you going to do?
Grinch I’m going to split you in two for starters.
Colin (pleads) Oh no, please! I’m too young to die!
Grinch Stop whimpering, it won’t hurt a bit.
Colin That’s easy for you to say.
Grinch Any last words before I divide you in half?
Colin Yes. (yells) Heeeelp!
Grinch Good and evil side by side,
Like Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde.
My revenge on Whoville begins with you,
It’s time for one, to become two! (casts a spell)
SFX: Pyro flash.
Snap blackout. During the brief blackout Pinchit enters and takes up position. Lights return to reveal Colin and Pinchit standing back to back. (see properties for alternative entrance for Pinchit)
Colin (finds he can move again and checks himself over) Hah! Missed me!
Pinchit (raises his arms in triumph) Free at last!
Colin (turns and sees Pinchit – steps back startled) Aaahh! Who’s he?
Grinch He, is your other half.
Colin My other what?
Grinch He’s your bad side.
Colin I don’t have a bad side. (poses) I’ve always been very photogenic.
Grinch Everybody has a bad side, and I’ve just released yours as a separate person.
Colin So, that’s what you meant by splitting me in two. ‘Ere, does this mean I’ll have to pay double council tax?
Pinchit I won’t tell if you don’t.
Colin What do you want with my bad side anyway?
Grinch Every evil genius needs a sidekick. It’s practically compulsory.
Pinchit (to Colin) I’ve always been held back by your stupid conscience. And now, I’m free to do as I please.
Grinch Come Pinchit, we have evil work to do.
Pinchit Yes master.
Pinchit and Grinch exit (SL)
Colin (to audience) Thank goodness they’ve gone. If the Grinch wants my bad side, he’s welcome to it. I never found much use for it anyway. I’d better hurry and tell the Mayor what’s happened. Bye! (runs off SL)
Spirit enters (SR)
Spirit The Grinch is back, and has magic power,
That will make my job much harder.
Whoville’s Christmas is in danger now,
I must find a way to save it, somehow. (exits SR)
Children enter Music cue 6: Children. After song ends… Colin enters (SL)
Children Hiya Colin!
Colin Hiya kids!
Child 1 We’re off to play knock and run. Wanna come?
Colin (horrified) Certainly not!
Child 2 Why not?
Colin Because it’s not very nice, that’s why.
Child 3 It was your idea, Colin!
Colin (firmly) I don’t think so.
Child 1 You also suggested throwing snowballs at the Mayor’s windows.
Colin Not me. I would never upset a council official.
Child 2 What’s come over you Colin? You used to be the biggest prankster in Whoville.
Colin You must’ve got me confused with somebody else.
Child 3 (to others) Come on guys, let’s leave boring old Colin Squarepants alone.
Children exit (SL)
Colin (to audience) I can’t believe how naughty the kids of today are.
Children re-enter (SL)
Children Oh, Colin!
Children Merry Christmas! (they pelt Colin and audience with snowballs before exiting)
Colin The little monkeys! If I weren’t such a nice person, I’d report them to the Pleasant Police.
Nora and Annie enter (SR)
Annie Hello Colin!
Colin Annie! Nora! Have either of you seen the Mayor, this morning?
Nora Yes, we have. Why?
Colin I must go and to tell him that the Grinch is back in town.
Nora But I thought he was banned from Whoville.
Colin He was. But he’s returned and he’s badder than ever.
Annie That doesn’t bode well for Christmas.
Nora Don’t worry, Annie. The Pleasant Police will soon deal with him.
Colin That won’t be so easy this time. The Grinch has mastered the Harry Potter Bumper Book Of Spells, and he used one of its spells to split me in two.
Nora Have you been overdoing it with the sherry trifle again, Colin?
Colin He made me freeze, and then this horrible thing suddenly appeared right next to me.
Annie What was it Colin?
Colin It was my bad side.
Nora How did that make you feel?
Colin I was beside myself. (to audience) Think about it.
The Mayor enters (SR)
Mayor Hello, Colin! How are you getting on in your new job as Cheermeister?
Colin I have some terrible news, Mr Mayor!
Mayor Don’t tell me you’re having trouble making people smile, Colin.
Colin Even worse! The Grinch has returned to Whoville!
Mayor The nerve of him! (rants) I’ll have him publicly humiliated, by being locked in the stocks and having people throw rotten fruit at him!
Annie Isn’t that how all this trouble started? By people making him feel humiliated?
Nora It’s hardly our fault he can’t take a joke, Annie.
Colin I must warn you Mr Mayor. The Grinch now has magic powers.
Mayor Magic powers! I don’t believe it.
Colin It’s true. And he used them to split me in half. I am now two people.
Mayor Is this another of your schemes to get double pay for working Christmas Eve, Colin?
Colin No, Mr Mayor. I now have a split personality.
Nora That reminds me of my late husband.
Annie How do you mean, Nora?
Nora He was split in half, too.
Colin By magic?
Nora No, by an accident at the sawmill.
Annie (sympathetic) Do you still miss him, Aunt Nora?
Nora No dear. The man had a nasty streak. It was in Asda as I recall. And talk about moan! He once bought me a chair for Christmas and then complained, when I wouldn’t plug it in. And every morning, I’d wake up and see this horrible face staring down at me.
Mayor Maybe you should’ve removed the ceiling mirror. (laughs)
Nora I could be very hurt by that remark. (playfully pinching Mayor’s cheek) If you weren’t so handsome. You remind me of that young actor, Leonardo Da Vinci.
Annie You mean, Leonardo De-Caprio?
Nora I thought he was a painter.
Mayor And you remind me of a box of chocolates, Nora.
Nora Is that because I’m sweet and tasty?
Mayor No. It’s because by the time I get to the bottom, I feel sick.
Nora I never eat chocolate. (posing) I like to watch my figure.
Mayor It must be like watching a horror movie.
Nora I could go off you, you know.
Mayor (pleads) When?
Music cue 7: Grinch and Colin enter (SL)
Grinch (sneers) Mr Mayor, how nice to see you again.
Mayor What are you doing back in Whoville?
Grinch I’ve returned to take my revenge on all you do-goody, Whovillers.
Mayor (pointing to Pinchit) And who’s he?
Colin He’s my bad side.
Nora I never knew you had it in you, Colin.
Colin Well, I don’t anymore.
Pinchit Everyone has somebody like me inside.
Mayor And inside, is exactly where you and your green friend are going. (shouts) Colin!
Colin Yes, Mr Mayor?
Mayor Fetch the Pleasant Police!
Pinchit (laughs) The Pleasant Police? Are they for real?
Mayor Yes. They root out badness, before it contaminates the good people of Whoville.
Colin I’m on my way Mr Mayor. (goes to leave)
Grinch (casts a spell at him) Freeze!
Colin (is rooted to the spot) Oh, no! I’m going to be triplets!
Mayor (to Grinch) Release him immediately!
Grinch (points at Mayor) Zip it, you old fool!
Mayor (his mouth is clamped shut – tries to speak) Mmmmm!
Annie He’s rendered the Mayor speechless!
Nora Well, he never was much good at speeches.
Grinch I’ll steal the smile from every face,
And bring sadness and woe in its place.
With my book of spells, it will be a cinch,
To make them cower before, The Grinch!
Nora You won’t get away with this, snot face.
Grinch Oh yes, I will! Grot face! (to Pinchit) Come Pinchit!
Grinch and Pinchit exit (SL) and Colin is immediately unfrozen.
Colin I can move again!
Annie It seems the Mayor still can’t speak.
Colin This is terrible!
Nora Oh, I don’t know. It might have its advantages. (seductively to Mayor) Now that I can get a word in edgeways Cecil, how’s about you and me getting married?
Mayor (terrified) Mmmmm!
Nora Was that a yes?
Mayor (shaking his head frantically) Mmmmm!
Nora Oh Cecil, at long last! (excited) Quick Annie, fetch the vicar!
Mayor (suddenly free from the spell) Nooo!
Nora You can talk again!
Mayor Yes, thank goodness!
Annie Shall I still fetch the vicar?
Mayor & Nora (in unison) No!/Yes!
Nora I understand Cecil. You must deal with the Grinch first. We don’t want him ruining our wedding reception, now do we?
Colin What are you going to do Mr Mayor?
Mayor (firmly) I will act immediately!
Nora You just take care of the Grinch and leave the acting to us.
Mayor I’ll call a council meeting to decide on a plan of action.
Nora Knowing our local council, that might take until next Christmas.
Colin Meanwhile, the Grinch will be free to pursue his nasty plans.
Annie Why don’t we just try being nice to him and see what happens?
Mayor (exclaims) Be nice, to the Grinch!?
Annie Maybe he only turned bad, because nobody cared for him.
Mayor He was born bad Annie. It was only a matter of time before it came out.
Nora Well said Cecil.
Children enter (SR) upset and crying.
Annie What’s the matter, kids?
Child 1 Somebody has smashed all our sledges.
Nora (elicit audience sympathy) Aaahh!
Child 2 And demolished our snowmen.
Nora (elicit audience sympathy) Aaahh!
Child 3 And the town’s Christmas tree has been burned down.
Annie Who could’ve committed such terrible deeds?
Child 1 It was Santa!
Colin Oh no, Santa would never do such mean things.
Annie What makes you think it was Santa, children?
Child 2 He was dressed in a red and white suit and kept shouting, Merry Christmas Whoville, ho-ho-ho!
Mayor That sounds like Santa, all right.
Nora (suspicious) Hang on a minute. (to Children) What colour was Santa’s skin?
Child 3 Green!
All (exclaim) The Grinch!
Mayor He plans to ruin Christmas and blame it all on Santa!
Nora And he’s using Colin’s bad side to help him.
Mayor We must run him out of town immediately and reunite Colin with his other half.
Colin It’s too late for that.
Annie How come?
Colin She emigrated to Australia right after the divorce.
Mayor I meant your nasty, other half.
Colin Same thing.
Mayor We’d better find Santa and tell him what’s happened.
Colin But Santa lives at the North Pole and the buses don’t go that far.
Mayor Santa isn’t at the North Pole at the moment.
Colin How do you know that?
Mayor Because I saw him earlier at…(local store)…promoting…(current toy craze)
Nora (to audience) And who said Christmas isn’t commercialised?
Annie Then we’d better get down there right away.
Mayor Follow me everyone! (turns to leave)
Colin Hang on Mr Mayor!
Mayor (stops) What is it now Colin?
Colin Some of the audience are looking a bit glum again.
Nora Be fair, there hasn’t been much to laugh at so far.
Annie Maybe we should try cheering them up.
Nora Well, don’t look at me. I’ve already used my funniest lines.
Colin Leave it to me. (calls) Chuckleleers! Music cue 8:
Chuckleleers enter as before, tickle audience and then exit.
Annie That seems to have done the trick.
Major Then let’s go. (leads off SL)
All exit (SL) Spirit enters (SR)
Spirit So off they went with a hearty will,
To upset the Grinch’s plans, but still.
With Harry Potter they’d have to compete,
And his book of spells they’d have to beat. (exits SR)