THE TOWN OF WHOVILLE
Music cue 2: Chorus. After song ends…
Enter Annie [SR]
ANNIE: Good morning everybody!
CHORUS: Good morning Annie!
ANNIE: Are you all looking forward to Christmas day?
CHORUS: Yes Annie!
ANNIE: And have you all you made out your present lists for Santa?
CHORUS: Yes Annie!
ANNIE: Well, I hope you all get what you’ve asked for.
Music cue 3: Enter Nora [SL] with a shopping bag full of presents.
ANNIE: Hello, Aunt Nora. Have you been out Christmas shopping?
NORA: Yes, and I’ve bought some lovely presents for your Aunt Flo’s kids.
ANNIE: What did you get them?
NORA: Electric hair clippers, a cordless drill and a home waxing kit.
ANNIE: You can’t give those things to little children!
NORA: Why not? I’m sure the little dears will find some use for them.
ANNIE: That’s what I’m afraid of. Luckily they can rely on Santa for some sensible gifts.
NORA: Santa!? [laughs] Don’t make me laugh, Annie.
ANNIE: Don’t you believe in Santa, Aunt Nora?
NORA: Is snow white? Santa is just a filament of people’s imagination.
ANNIE: I bet everybody here…[indicates audience]…believes in Santa.
NORA: And I bet they don’t.
ANNIE: Let’s find out then. Boys and girls! On the count to three, I want everybody who believes in Santa to shout Santa, as loud as you can.
NORA: And those who don’t believe in Santa shout, Christmas crackers!
ANNIE: Ready? After three. One…two…three!
NORA: I won!
ANNIE: No you didn’t, Nora. There were far more shouts for Santa.
NORA: Give over Annie, most of them are crackers.
Enter Mayor [SL]
MAYOR: Good morning ladies and a merry Christmas to you both!
ANNIE: Merry Christmas Mr Mayor.
NORA: Hello Cecil. [toying with his chain] If I pulled your chain, would you flush?
MAYOR: [slaps her hand away] Stop playing with my regalia!
NORA: I’ve never heard it called that before.
MAYOR: [hands a letter to Nora] This is for you.
NORA: [excited] Is it a special marriage licence!?
MAYOR: No, it’s an exclusion order.
NORA: You mean, it excludes other women from bothering you?
MAYOR: No…just you.
NORA: But don’t you find me strangely attractive, Cecil?
MAYOR: No, I find you strange and unattractive.
NORA: But I have everything a man could ever want.
MAYOR: A hairy chest, bulging biceps and a thick moustache?
NORA: I like a man with a sense of humour.
MAYOR: And I like a woman with a sense of shape.
NORA: Then you’re in luck, because I have the perfect shape.
MAYOR: For a blancmange perhaps.
NORA: You remind me of that handsome actor, Leonardo De Caprio.
MAYOR: And you remind me of a box of chocolates.
NORA: Is that because I’m sweet and tasty?
MAYOR: No, it’s because by the time I get to the bottom, I feel sick.
NORA: I never eat chocolate. [posing] I like to watch my figure.
MAYOR: It must be like watching a horror movie unfolding.
NORA: I could go off you.
MAYOR: [pleads] When!?
NORA: [holds mistletoe over Mayor] Would you like to kiss me under the mistletoe?
MAYOR: I wouldn’t kiss you under general anaesthetic.
NORA: Either way you’d discover I’m a knockout. [coughs roughly]
ANNIE: That’s a nasty cough, Nora.
NORA: I always seem to get a sore throat at Christmas, Annie.
ANNIE: Have you seen a doctor about it?
NORA: Yes, I have.
ANNIE: And what did they say?
NORA: They said I was suffering from Tinsleitis. [laughs to audience] Tinsleitis? Oh, please yourselves.
ANNIE: Have you posted your letter to Santa yet, Mr Mayor?
MAYOR: Yes Annie, I sent it off to the North Pole last week.
NORA: If you ask me, you both want your heads testing.
ANNIE: Aunt Nora doesn’t believe in Santa.
MAYOR: Then perhaps this will convince her. [produces a letter and reads] To all Whovillers old a young. I’ve looked at my list and checked it twice, and I promise to deliver all the presents you’ve asked for this year. Yours truly, Santa. Ho-ho-ho! P.S. I love mince pies and the reindeer love carrots. There you are Nora, proof positive that Santa really does exist.
NORA: Well, he won’t be coming down my chimney.
ANNIE: What makes you so sure, Nora?
NORA: I live in a flat.
MAYOR: Santa has a magic key that will open any door.
NORA: So, do I. And it’s called a gold credit card. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have some serious shopping to do.
ANNIE: Christmas isn’t all about shopping, Nora.
NORA: You could’ve fooled me. Now, come and help me in the good old Christmas tradition of maxing-out credit cards. I’ll see you later Cecil.
Exit Nora and Annie [SR]
MAYOR: Not if I see her first. Goodbye citizens of Whoville. [exits SL]
Enter Charlie [SR]
CHARLIE: Hello Boys and girls! I’m Charlie Chuckle, and I’m Whoville’s Cheermeister! And it’s my job to see that Santa’s visit goes without a hitch. I must make sure that all the chimneys are swept clean, and every child has a stocking to hang up. I must also ensure that everybody enjoys themselves, and if I see anybody looking glum, I send in the Chuckleleers to cheer them up. Some of you look like you need cheering up already. [shouts] Chuckleleers!
Music cue 4: Enter Chuckleleers into the hall. They run through the audience, tickling them with feather dusters before exiting.
CHARLIE: That’s cheered them up. I feel like it’s going to be a great Christmas this year, and the only thing that could spoil it, is if the Grinch turned up again. He’s such an old misery-guts, he makes Scrooge look like Santa by comparison. [lights dim] Music cue 5: Hello! It looks like something nasty’s brewing.
Enter Grinch [SL]
CHARLIE: I was right. I’d better leave, quick. [turns to leave]