Sleeping Beauty Version 2 (Perusal)

Scene One

A baby’s crib is (USC) Music cue 2: Maids. After song ends…Exit Maids (SL)

Enter Sniffles (SR)

Sniffles Hiya kids! Welcome to the Royal Palace of Slumberland. I’m Sniffles the court jester and whenever I come on, I’ll shout how ya doing kids!? And if you all shout smashing Sniffles! I’ll tell you a joke. Okay? Let’s try it then. How ya doing kids? (response) What sits in a pram and wobbles? A Jelly Baby! (groans) I didn’t say they were funny.

Enter Nursie (SL)

Nursie Cooee! Sniffles!

Sniffles This is Nurse Penny Cillin, the royal midwife.

Nursie The word midwife doesn’t do justice to the work I do, Sniffles. So, I’ve decided that from now on I will be known as a Paediatric Observation Officer.

Sniffles Paediatric Observation Officer? (spells out the acronym) P.O.O. Poo!?

Nursie (grimaces) Ooooh! Maybe I didn’t think that one through.

Sniffles Have you been busy getting ready for the royal Christening, Nursie?

Nursie Yes, Sniffles. What with cooking, washing, ironing and fetching this and that. I’ve hardly had time to poke my nose where it’s not wanted.

Sniffles That makes a change.

Nursie (to audience) And for any men who might be interested. (pointing) And you are, I can tell. What’s your name? (Man answers) Well…(Man’s name)…you’ll be pleased to know, that I’m still single and available. I know! It’s hard to believe, isn’t it?

Sniffles Not from where I’m standing it isn’t.

Nursie I’m one of the few ladies of a certain age, that is still pure and untouched.

Sniffles (aside to audience) Pure ugly and nobody would touch her.

Nursie My generation believed in saving it for marriage. And at my age I’ve got a lot saved up, I can tell you. (to audience) So, if any men would like to dip into my savings. Call round to my dressing-room after the show and form a queue behind Sniffles.

Sniffles I’m not joining any queue.

Nursie You can forget about queuing and give me a kiss right now! (grabs him)

Sniffles (struggling to free himself) Nurse Penny! Where’s your decorum?

Nursie I haven’t seen that in ages. Would you like to help me find it?

Sniffles No, fear! (breaks free)

Nursie Wouldn’t you like to discover what womanly surprises I have up my sleeve?

Sniffles It’s not what’s up your sleeve I’m worried about.

Music cue 3: Enter King and Queen (SL) The Queen carries a baby in a shawl.

Nursie Good morning your majesties. I trust you both slept well?

King I slept like a baby, Nursie.

Queen Whereas I’ve been up all night trying to get the baby to sleep. And now I finally have, I don’t want her waking. (to audience) So, please be quiet for the rest of the show. (places baby in the crib)

Nursie I don’t think you need worry on that score, your majesty.

Sniffles Not if this script’s anything to go by, she won’t.

King By the way Nursie, we have a special surprise for you. Don’t we, Myrtle?

Queen We certainly do, Basil.

Nursie A surprise! For moi? Whatever could it be?

King We know how lonely your life must be, Nursie. Living all alone in your little flat.

Queen Especially, during those long cold winter nights.

Nursie Well, it would be nice to have some company, I’ll admit.

King Which is why we’ve decided to give you a room here at the palace.

Queen Where you can experience love and companionship with someone very special.

King Someone you can cuddle and whisper sweet words to, every night.

Queen Someone whose tummy you can tickle and blow raspberries on.

Nursie It takes a woman to know a woman’s needs, your majesty.

King Sniffles. Are you ready to give Nursie something that will transform her life forever?

Sniffles Ready and willing, your majesty.

Nursie Oh! You saucy thing, Sniffles!

Queen Then let her have it right away.

Sniffles Yes, your majesty.

Nursie What? In front of everybody?

Sniffles Their majesties insist I do it in their presence, Nursie.

King We want to see your reaction when he takes it out and gives it to you.

Nursie It’s the reaction of the audience I’m worried about.

Queen I’m sure they won’t mind.

Nursie I think they will you know. This is a family show.

Sniffles It won’t take long, Nursie.

Nursie Then it’s probably not worth the bother.

King We don’t have all day, Sniffles. Now take it out and give it to her.

Sniffles Yes, your majesty. (turns away and fumbles in his pocket) Get ready Nursie.

Nursie (to audience) Quick kids! Cover your eyes!

Sniffles (turns and hands Nursie an apron) Here you are, Nursie.

Nursie What’s this?

Queen It’s your new uniform.

Nursie Uniform!?

Sniffles They only had size XXXL, so it might be a tight fit.

Nursie Cheek! (opens apron to show ROYAL NANNY) Royal Nanny! What’s all this about?

Queen We’d like you to become a full-time live-in Nanny to Princess Aurora, Nursie.

Nursie You were talking about cuddling her, and tickling her tummy every night?

King Of course!

Queen Who did you think we were talking about?

Nursie Never mind.

King What do you say, Nursie?

Nursie It’s a big commitment, your majesty. I’ll have to think about it.

Queen If you take the job, your room will be next to Sniffles’.

Nursie When can I move in? (to Sniffles) There is a connecting door I take it?

Sniffles If there is, I’ll be boarding it up on my side.

Enter Maid (SR)

Maid The royal fairies have arrived, your Majesties.

King Then show them in at once.

Maid Yes, your majesty. (exits SR)

Queen I wonder what gifts the royal fairies will bestow on Aurora.

Enter Fairies (SR)

King Welcome, royal fairies! Welcome!

Fairy Rose Warmest greetings your majesties.

Fairy Violet We are here to bestow our magical gifts upon the baby Princess.

Fairy Daisy Now, where is the little darling?

Queen She’s asleep in her crib, but you mustn’t wake her.

Fairy Rose Don’t worry, we’re using our quietest spells.

Fairy Violet I trust that your majesties didn’t invite Fairy Poison Ivy?

King Certainly not. She’s turned into a wicked and bad-tempered fairy.

Queen And we don’t want her causing trouble at Aurora’s Christening.

Sniffles Let’s just hope she doesn’t turn up uninvited.

Nursie Don’t worry about her, Sniffles. Old droopy drawers doesn’t scare me.

Sniffles She does me. She’s more powerful than all the other fairies put together.

Fairy Daisy It’s true I’m afraid. So, we’ll keep it short and sweet. Ready sisters?

Fairies form around the crib and take it in turns to wave their wands over it.

Rose (waving wand) Princess Aurora, I grant you the gift of beauty. Music cue 4:

Fairy Violet (waving wand) I grant you the gift of wisdom. Music cue 5:

Fairy Daisy (waving wand) And I grant you the gift of…

SFX: Pyro flash.

Snap blackout. Enter Poison Ivy (SL) in blackout.

King What’s happened to the lights?

Nursie A fuse must have blown.

Lights return to normal.

Sniffles That’s better. I hate being kept in the dark.

Poison Ivy And so, do I!

All Poison Ivy!

Poison Ivy How dare you hold the royal Christening and not invite me!

King (bluffing) Didn’t you get your invite, then?

Poison Ivy No, I didn’t!

Queen (tutting) I don’t know what’s happened to Royal Mail lately.

Poison Ivy (indicating Fairies) These three empty-heads, seem to have received theirs all right.

Rose Still throwing insults, Poison Ivy?

Violet That’s all she’s good for.

Poison Ivy And what are you three losers doing here?

Fairy Daisy We’re bestowing our fairy gifts, on Princess Aurora.

Poison Ivy Ah yes, we mustn’t forget her, must we? Where is the royal brat?

King How dare you call our darling baby, a brat!

Poison Ivy I hate babies! But it’s still my duty to bestow my gift upon the little royal monster.

Nursie And as the royal nanny, it’s my duty to knock your block off! (raises her fists)

Poison Ivy Shut it, you old fool! Or I’ll turn you into something even uglier, than you already are.

Sniffles (aside to audience) That would tax her ingenuity.

Fairy Rose We are granting Aurora all the gifts she’ll ever need.

Fairy Violet What gift can you give possibly her, Poison Ivy?

Poison Ivy The gift of…death!

Queen (horrified) No! Do something, Basil!

King Guards!

Enter Guards at a run (SR)

Guard At your majesties service!

King Arrest Poison Ivy!

Poison Ivy Everybody freeze! (all including the Fairies are frozen to the spot) Nobody can move, but all can see and hear. Now, watch and listen! (waves wand over the crib)Before Aurora reaches eighteen years,The kingdom will shed bitter tears.On a sharp spindle her finger she’ll prick.And in seconds flat, she will fall sick.Before the blood that drips so red,Dries on her finger, she will be dead!

SFX: Thunder rolls and lights flash.

Exit Poison Ivy (SL) laughing. All unfreeze and Guards troop off (SL)

Queen Poison Ivy has put a deadly curse on our poor baby!

Sniffles Perhaps the other fairies can lift it, your majesties.

Nursie (to Fairies) Can you remove the curse from the Princess?

F. Daisy I’m afraid not.

F. Rose Poison Ivy’s spell is much too powerful for us to lift.

F. Violet Daisy haven’t bestowed her gift yet. Maybe she can alter Poison Ivy’s spell.

F. Daisy I’ll certainly give it a go. (raises her wand)
Poison Ivy’s spell I change double quick,
If Princess Aurora her finger should prick,
For a hundred years she’ll sleep in bliss,
Until awakened by true love’s kiss. (waves her wand) Music cue 6:

F. Rose I’m sure everything will be all right now, your majesties.

F. Violet Yes. Panto’s usually always have a happy ending.

F. Daisy Come sisters. We must return to Fairyland.

Exit Fairies (SR)

Nursie I’ve just had an idea!

Sniffles There’s a first time for everything, I suppose.

Nursie If you destroy every spinning-wheel in the kingdom. Then the Princess can’t prick her finger on a spindle, now can she?

King But what if we should miss one?

Queen We can’t risk it. We must send Aurora somewhere, where nobody will ever find her.

Nursie But where?

King Hidden deep in the forest, is an old huntsman’s lodge. Aurora can live there and be brought up as a peasant girl. Before being returned to us on her eighteenth birthday.

Sniffles But who will look after her for eighteen long years?

Queen Why, Nursie of course.

Nursie Me!?

King Who else? After all, you are the Royal Nanny.

Queen Will you do it, Nursie?

Nursie All right. But only if I can take someone with me, to stop me from getting lonely.

King Who would you like to take with you, Nursie?

Nursie Sniffles.

Sniffles I’m not spending eighteen years cooped up in a little cottage, alone with you!

King It’s either that or spend eighteen years in the palace dungeons.

Sniffles On second thoughts, a forest hideaway sounds nice. It has two bedrooms I take it?

Queen No, just the one.

Sniffles Oh, eck! Is it too late to change my mind, your majesty?

King I’m afraid you have no choice, Sniffles.

Nursie Don’t worry your majesties, I’ll look after her well. (takes baby from the crib) Come along Sniffles, our little forest love shack awaits.

Sniffles Forest love shack!? I think you’re barking up the wrong tree, Nursie.

Exit Nursie and Sniffles (SR)

Queen Oh, Basil. I’m going to miss our darling Aurora, so much.

King Me too. But it’s for the best, dear. And I trust Nursie to look after her well.

Music cue 7: Exit King and Queen sadly (SR)