Sleeping Beauty Version 2 (Perusal)

Scene One

The Village Square

A crib is (USC) Music cue 2: Chorus. After song ends…Exit Chorus (SL)

Enter Sniffles (SR)

SNIFFLES: Hiya folks! Welcome to the Royal Palace of Slumberland. I’m Sniffles the court jester and whenever I enter I’ll shout how ya doing folks!? And if you all shout smashing Sniffles! I’ll tell you a joke. Okay? Let’s try it then. How ya doing folks? What sits in a pram and wobbles? A Jelly Baby! I didn’t say they were funny.

Enter Nursie (SL)

NURSIE: Cooee! Sniffles!

SNIFFLES: This is Nurse Penny Cillin the royal midwife.

NURSIE: The word midwife doesn’t do justice to the work I do, Sniffles. So, I’ve decided that from now on I’ll be known as ‘Paediatric Observation Officer’.

SNIFFLES: Paediatric Observation Officer? (spells out the acronym) P.O.O. Poo!?

NURSIE: (grimaces) Maybe I didn’t think that one through.

SNIFFLES: Have you been busy getting ready for the royal Christening, Nursie?

NURSIE: Yes, Sniffles. What with cooking, washing, ironing, and fetching this and that. I’ve hardly had time to poke my nose where it’s not wanted.

SNIFFLES: That makes a change.

NURSIE: (to audience) And for any men who might be interested. (pointing) And you are, I can tell. What’s your name? (man answers) Well…(man’s name)…you’ll be pleased to know I’m still single and available. It’s hard to believe, isn’t it?

SNIFFLES: Not from where I’m standing it isn’t.

NURSIE: I’m one of the few ladies of a certain age that is still pure and untouched.

SNIFFLES: (aside to audience) Pure ugly and nobody will touch her.

NURSIE: My generation believed in saving it for marriage. And at my age I’ve got a lot saved up, I can tell you. So if any men would like to dip into my savings. Call round to my dressing-room after the show and form a queue behind Sniffles.

SNIFFLES: I’m not joining any queue!

NURSIE: Okay, you can forget about queuing and kiss me now! (grabs him)

SNIFFLES: (struggling to free himself) Nurse Penny! Where’s your decorum?

NURSIE: I haven’t seen that in ages. Would you like to help me find it?

SNIFFLES: No, fear! (breaks free)

NURSIE: Wouldn’t you like to discover what womanly surprises I have up my sleeve?

SNIFFLES: It’s not what’s up your sleeve I’m worried about.

Enter King and Queen (SL) The Queen carries baby Aurora.

NURSIE: Good morning your majesties. I trust you both slept well?

KING: I slept like a baby, Nursie.

QUEEN: It’s all right for some. I’ve been up all night trying to get Aurora to sleep. And now that I finally have, I don’t want her waking. (to audience) So, please be quiet for the rest of the show. (places baby in crib)

NURSIE: I don’t think you need worry on that score, your majesty.

SNIFFLES: Not if this script’s anything to go by.

KING: By the way Nursie, we have a special surprise for you. Don’t we, Myrtle?

QUEEN: We certainly do, Basil.

NURSIE: A surprise! For moi? Whatever could it be?

KING: We know how lonely your life must be Nursie, living all alone in your little flat.

QUEEN: Especially during those long cold winter nights.

NURSIE: I’ll admit it would be nice to have some company.

KING: Which is why we’ve decided to give you a room here at the palace.

QUEEN: Where you can experience love and companionship with someone special.

KING: Someone you can cuddle and whisper sweet words to every night.

QUEEN: Someone whose tummy you can tickle and blow raspberries on.

NURSIE: It takes a woman to know a woman’s needs, your majesty.

KING: Sniffles. Are you ready to give Nursie something that will transform her life?

SNIFFLES: Ready and willing your majesty.

NURSIE: You saucy thing, Sniffles!

QUEEN: Then let her have it right away.

SNIFFLES: Yes, your majesty.

NURSIE: Shouldn’t we go somewhere private first?

SNIFFLES: No, Nursie. Their majesties insist that I do it in their presence.

KING: We want to see your reaction when he takes it out and gives it to you.

NURSIE: It’s the reaction of the audience I’m worried about.

QUEEN: I’m sure they won’t mind.

NURSIE: I think they will you know – this is a family show.

SNIFFLES: It won’t take long Nursie.

NURSIE: Then it’s probably not worth the bother.

KING: Take it out and give it to her, Sniffles.

SNIFFLES: Yes, your majesty. (turns away and fumbles in his pocket) Get ready Nursie.

NURSIE: (to audience) Cover your eyes, kids!

SNIFFLES: (hands Nursie an apron with ROYAL NANNY on it) Here you are Nursie.

NURSIE: What’s this?

QUEEN: It’s your new uniform.

NURSIE: (puzzled) Uniform?

SNIFFLES: They only had size XXXL, so it might be a tight fit.

NURSIE: Cheek!

QUEEN: We’d like you to become a full-time live-in Nanny to Princess Aurora, Nursie.

NURSIE: You were talking about cuddling her, and tickling her tummy every night?

KING: Of course!

QUEEN: Who did you think we were talking about?

NURSIE: Never mind.

KING: What do you say Nursie?

NURSIE: It’s a big commitment, your majesty. I’ll have to think about it.

QUEEN: If you take the job your room will be next to Sniffles.

NURSIE: When can I move in? There is a connecting door I take it?

SNIFFLES: If there is I’ll be boarding it up on my side.

Enter Maid (SR)

MAID: The royal fairies have arrived, your Majesties.

KING: Then show them in at once.

MAID: Yes, your majesty. (exits SR)

QUEEN: I wonder what gifts the royal fairies will bestow on Aurora.

Enter Fairies (SR)

KING: Welcome, royal fairies! Welcome!

ROSE: Warmest greetings your majesties.

VIOLET: We’re here to bestow our magical gifts upon the baby Princess.

DAISY: Where is the little darling?

QUEEN: She’s asleep in her crib, but you mustn’t wake her.

ROSE: Don’t worry, we’re using our quietest spells.

VIOLET: I trust that your majesties didn’t invite Fairy Poison Ivy?

KING: Certainly not. She’s turned into a wicked and bad-tempered fairy.

QUEEN: We don’t want her causing trouble at Aurora’s Christening.

SNIFFLES: Let’s hope she doesn’t turn up uninvited.

NURSIE: Old droopy drawers doesn’t scare me.

SNIFFLES: She does me. She’s more powerful than all the other fairies put together.

DAISY: It’s true I’m afraid. So, we’ll keep it short and sweet. Ready sisters?

ROSE: Princess Aurora, I grant you the gift of beauty. (waves wand) Music cue 3:

VIOLET: I grant you the gift of wisdom. (waves wand) Music cue 4:

DAISY: And I grant you the gift of…

SFX: Pyro flash.

Snap blackout. Enter Poison Ivy (SL) in blackout.

KING: What’s happened to the lights?

NURSIE: A fuse must have blown.

Lights return to normal.

SNIFFLES: That’s better. I hate being kept in the dark.

POISON IVY: You’re not the only one!

ALL: Poison Ivy!

POISON IVY: How dare you hold the royal Christening and not invite me!

KING: (bluffing) Didn’t you get your invite?

POISON IVY: No, I didn’t!

QUEEN: (tutting) I don’t know what’s happened to Royal Mail lately.

POISON IVY: (indicating Fairies) These empty-heads seem to have received theirs all right.

ROSE: Still throwing insults Poison Ivy?

VIOLET: That’s all she’s good for.

POISON IVY: And what are you three losers doing here?

DAISY: We’re bestowing our fairy gifts on Princess Aurora.

POISON IVY: Ah yes, we mustn’t forget her must we? Where is the royal brat?

KING: How dare you call our darling baby a brat!

POISON IVY: I hate babies! But it’s still my duty to bestow my gift upon the little royal monster.

NURSIE: And as the royal nanny it’s my duty to knock your block off! (raises fists)

POISON IVY: Silence! Or I’ll turn you into something even uglier than you already are.

SNIFFLES: That would tax your ingenuity.

ROSE: We’re granting Aurora all the gifts she’ll ever need.

VIOLET: What gift can you give possibly her, Poison Ivy?

POISON IVY: The gift of…death!

QUEEN: (horrified) Not our poor little baby! Do something, Basil!

KING: Guards!

Enter Guards at a run (SR)

KING: Arrest Poison Ivy!

POISON IVY: Everybody freeze! (all including the Fairies are frozen to the spot) Nobody can move, but all can see and hear. Now, watch and listen!
Before Aurora reaches eighteen years,

The kingdom will shed bitter tears.

On a sharp spindle her finger she’ll prick.

And in seconds flat, she will fall sick.

Before the blood that drips so red,

Dries on her finger, she will be dead! (waves a hand)

SFX: Thunder rolls and lights flash.

Exit Poison Ivy (SL) laughing. All unfreeze and Guards troop off (SL)

QUEEN: Poison Ivy has put a deadly curse on our poor baby!

KING: Perhaps the other fairies can lift it.

DAISY: I’m afraid not.

ROSE: Poison Ivy’s spell is much too powerful for us to lift.

VIOLET: Daisy haven’t bestowed her gift yet. Maybe she can alter Poison Ivy’s spell.

DAISY: I’ll give it a go. Poison Ivy’s spell, I change double quick,

If Princess Aurora her finger should prick.

For a hundred years she’ll sleep in bliss,

Until awakened by true love’s kiss. (waves wand) Music cue 5:

ROSE: I’m sure everything will be all right now your majesties.

VIOLET: Panto’s usually have a happy ending.

DAISY: Come sisters, let us return to Fairyland.

Exit Fairies (SR)

NURSIE: I’ve just had a great idea!

SNIFFLES: No there’s a novelty.

NURSIE: If you destroy every spinning-wheel in the kingdom. Then the Princess can’t prick her finger on a spindle, now can she?

QUEEN: But what if we should miss one?

KING: We can’t risk it. We must send Aurora somewhere nobody will ever find her.

QUEEN: But where?

KING: Hidden deep in the forest, is an old huntsman’s lodge. Aurora can live there and be brought up as a peasant girl. Before being returned to us on her eighteenth birthday.

SNIFFLES: But who will look after her for eighteen long years?

QUEEN: Why, Nursie of course.

NURSIE: Me!?

KING: Who else? After all, you are the Royal Nanny.

NURSIE: I’ll do it. But only if I can take someone with me to stop me from getting lonely.

QUEEN: Who would you like to take with you, Nursie?

NURSIE: Sniffles.

SNIFFLES: I’m not spending eighteen years cooped up in a little cottage with you!

KING: It’s either that or spend eighteen years cooped up in the palace dungeons.

SNIFFLES: Actually, a forest hideaway sounds quite nice. It has two bedrooms I take it?

QUEEN: No, just the one.

SNIFFLES: Oh, ‘eck! Is it too late to change my mind, your majesty?

KING: Yes, Sniffles.

NURSIE: Don’t worry your majesties, I’ll look after Aurora well. (takes baby from the crib) Come along Sniffles, our little love shack awaits us.

SNIFFLES: Love shack!? Don’t go getting ideas Nursie.

Exit Nursie and Sniffles (SR)

QUEEN: I’m going to miss our darling Aurora so much Basil.

KING: Me too. But it’s for the best, and Nursie will look after her well.

Music cue 6: Exit King and Queen sadly (SR)