Robin Hood And His Merry Men


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Robin Hood and his hapless band of Merry Men, pit themselves against the wily Sheriff of Nottingham and his idiot henchmen, Smash and Grab.

After repeatedly failing to capture Robin Hood, they instead capture Friar Tuck and demand that Robin hands himself in return for freeing Tuck.

Features a hilarious fire-fighting routine, and a collection of mono-tune songs from Alan-a-dale. Plus a roving news reporter who appears throughout.


12 principals, plus several minor speaking roles, a bear and a chorus.


All our scripts have a runtime of approximately 2hrs (not including any interval) but this is very dependent on your own production and can be edited by yourselves to suit your own needs.


Our pantomimes all come with a full, suggested songs, music cues and SFX list.


Traditional British pantomime, incorporating visual comedy, slapstick and audience participation.

Free Sample




Paige Turner
Guard 1
Guard 2
King Richard
Dancers; Villagers; Stallholders; Elves; Animals; etc.



Music cue 2: Chorus of Villagers. After song ends…

Enter Sheriff, Smash and Grab [SR]

GRAB: Pray silence, for the noble Sheriff of Nottingham!

SMASH: Pray for the silence of the knobbly Sheriff!

SHERIFF: People of Sherwood! Your kind-hearted Sheriff is gracing you today…

CHORUS 1: He’s going to grease us!

CHORUS 2: I always said he was a slippery character.

SHERIFF: I said ‘gracing,’ not greasing you putrid peasant! Allow me to introduce my two new deputies Smash and Grab.

SMASH: I’m Smash.

GRAB: And I’m Grab.

CHORUS 3: Where are your deputy’s badges then?

SMASH: I told you we should have badges, Grab.

GRAB: Give over, you watch too many cowboy films.

SMASH: Did you know that all cowboys have three ears?

GRAB: How do you make that out then?

SMASH: A left ear, a right ear, and a wild front ear. [laughs] Wild frontier! Get it?

SHERIFF: Shut up you idiot, this isn’t some stupid pantomime!

GRAB: Well, don’t tell that…[indicating audience]…lot Sheriff.

SMASH: They’ve all paid good money to watch this.

SHERIFF: They must have more money than sense.

GRAB: That’s because they’re filthy rich here in…[local place]

SMASH: Yeah, rich and filthy.

SHERIFF: Then once we have fleeced, I mean…helped, the good people of Sherwood. Perhaps we can lighten their load also.

GRAB: Shall I start on them now, boss?

SHERIFF: No, later. They don’t look as though they’re going anywhere.

SMASH: They might do when they realise it doesn’t get any funnier.

SHERIFF: Now, where was I?

SMASH: You were here with us Sheriff.

SHERIFF: Are you an idiot?

GRAB: Yes, he is. But he’s right Sheriff, you were definitely here with us.

CHORUS 4: They’re all as daft as each other!

Chorus laugh.

SHERIFF: Shut up, peasants!

CHORUS 1: Pheasants?

SHERIFF: I said ‘peasants,’ peasants!

CHORUS 2: Why should we give you presents?

SMASH: Is it your birthday, Sheriff?

SHERIFF: No, it isn’t!

GRAB: Whose birthday is it then?

SHERIFF: It’s nobody’s birthday!

SMASH: It’s little Basil’s birthday.

GRAB: Who’s Basil?

SMASH: He’s my pet hamster. [produces toy hamster, attached offstage by fishing-line] Let’s all sing happy birthday to him. [leads audience]

SHERIFF: Shut up and get rid of that rodent, before I let the jailer have it for his lunch!

Music Cue 3: Hamster is yanked from Smash’s hand and flies offstage.

SMASH: You frightened little Basil away, Sheriff.

SHERIFF: Shut up! People of Sherwood, it’s our duty to protect you from Robin Hood and his thieving gang of outlaws. And to fund more bobbies on the beat, your taxes will be doubled each and every week until he is caught. So, it’s in your own best interest to turn him in. Look upon it as a tax incentive.

GRAB: A tax incentive! [laughs] I like it boss!

SHERIFF: Mother always said I had a wicked sense of humour.

SMASH: How is your old mum these days Sheriff?

SHERIFF: A martyr to her rheumatism, I’m afraid.

GRAB: All those damp walls can’t be helping.

SHERIFF: I suppose not.

SMASH: When are you going to let her out of the dungeons Sheriff?

SHERIFF: Just as soon as she’s paid her tax arrears.

GRAB: That sounds fair.

CHORUS 3: We don’t need protecting from Robin Hood!

CHORUS 4: Robin’s our friend!

SHERIFF: Then perhaps you’d like you to tell us more about your, friend.

CHORUS 4: I’d never snitch on Robin.

SHERIFF: Bring him along, a stretch on the rack might loosen his tongue.

SMASH: I think it’ll loosen more than his tongue Sheriff.

SHERIFF: The sooner Robin Hood is captured, the better for all you peasants! [to Smash & Grab] Let’s go.

Exit Sheriff, Smash and Grab with Chorus 4 [SL]

Enter Robin and Merry Men [SR]

ROBIN: Here we are then chaps, all ready to enjoy some well-earned R and R.

ALAN: What’s R and R?

L. JOHN: I think it’s a round of rugby.

TUCK: Lots of rough sweaty men grabbing each other in a scrum. I don’t think fancy that.

WILL: [camply] Well, I’m game.

ROBIN: R and R means, rest and recreation. Letting your hair down.

Don’t mention hair, Robin. Look at the state of mine after traipsing through Sherwood Forest. And to think I used to run an exclusive hair boutique.
ALAN: I thought you were a barber, Will.

WILL: Wash your mouth out with soap Alan-a-Dale, I am a hair surgeon.

L. JOHN: That explains why you charged an arm and a leg.

ALAN: And I’m an optical illuminator enhancer.

TUCK: What’s that then?

ALAN: A window cleaner. [laughs]