THE MILL ON THE HILL
Music cue 1: Chorus. After song ends…Chorus line up at the mill door.
Music cue 2: Enter the Royal party [SR]
MAJOR D: Make way for the Royal party!
Royal Party make their way through and stand in front of the mill door.
KING: Greetings loyal objects!
The Chorus are plainly unimpressed.
QUEEN: The commoners don’t seem pleased to see us, Major Domo.
MAJOR D: I’m afraid the royal family aren’t as popular as they once were, your majesty.
KING: [to Queen] I think it’s time for a spot of royal hand waving, dear.
QUEEN: That always goes down well with our subjects, doesn’t it?
King and Queen wave their hands about in the royal fashion.
CHORUS 1: [to royals] Would you mind shifting? We’re waiting for the mill to open!
MAJOR D: How dare you speak thus to royalty!
CHORUS 2: We’re not interested in royalty, mate.
CHORUS 3: We’re only interested in buying our daily flour.
PRINCESS: [sighs] Do hurry up father, this is all so tiresome.
KING: Please, Pearl! Not in front of the common folk!
CHORUS 4: Who are you calling common, mush? [nosily wipes nose on sleeve]
QUEEN: [grimaces] Gross!
KING: Make the announcement please, Major Domo.
MAJOR D: Yes, your majesty. [bangs mace] Hear ye! Hear ye! The Royal Palace is holding a garden party, tomorrow afternoon, and everyone is invited to attend!
Chorus cheer and exit [SL] talking animatedly as they go.
QUEEN: That seems to have perked them up somewhat.
MAJOR D: Your majesties subjects are a fickle lot. If they lose interest in royalty, you need only announce a royal event and their interest is re-kindled.
KING: It’s always worked for the Windsor’s.
PRINCESS: Can we go now? I’m bored.
KING QUEEN: Bored!?
PRINCESS: Yes, bored. B.O.R.E.D, bored! If I were a Prince, I’d be off, slaying dragons and rescuing damsels in distress. Being a Princess, is dead boring.
KING QUEEN: Oh no, it isn’t!
PRINCESS: Oh yes, it is!
QUEEN: I’ll bet the peasants don’t think it’s boring being a Princess.
PRINCESS: And I’ll bet they do.
KING: We’ll ask them, and if you’re wrong you must agree a forfeit.
PRINCESS: What kind of forfeit?
KING: You must find yourself someone suitable to marry within the week.
PRINCESS: You can’t be serious, father.
KING: Deadly serious Pearl. At least being married might stop you getting bored.
QUEEN: [dryly] I wouldn’t bet on it.
PRINCESS: Then the forfeit should work both ways.
KING: But we’re already married.
QUEEN: To each other as it happens.
PRINCESS: If I win the bet, then you must allow me to marry whoever I wish.
KING & QUEEN: It’s a deal!
KING: And Major Domo will adjudicate.
MAJOR D: Yes, your majesty. [to audience] On the count of three, everybody who thinks it’s brilliant being a Princess, shout brilliant! And everybody who thinks it’s boring being a Princess, shout boring! One…two…three! Their majesties, win.
PRINCESS: I think I’ve just been stitched up.
QUEEN: That’s settled then, you must marry a Prince or a nobleman within the week.
PRINCESS: You’re not seriously going to hold me to that silly deal, are you?
KING: A deal’s a deal, Pearl.
QUEEN: I’m famished! Let’s go and eat.
KING: Very well dear. Come along Pearl.
PRINCESS: I’m suddenly not hungry. You go ahead and I’ll wait here until you return.
QUEEN: We can’t leave you here alone!
PRINCESS: But there’s nobody around and I promise I won’t move.
KING: Very well then, we won’t be long.
QUEEN: Find us the nearest Gregg’s, Major Domo.
MAJOR D: Yes, your majesty.
Exit King, Queen [SR] led off by Major Domo.
PRINCESS: I can’t believe they expect me to find somebody to fall in love with and marry, within a week. It’s impossible! Music cue 3: Princess. After song ends…
Enter King, Queen and Major Domo [SR] The King is finishing off a pasty.
KING: That king-sized pasty was delicious.
QUEEN: As was their vegan sausage roll.
PRINCESS: Can we please go home now?
KING: Of course, dear. Lead on Major Domo.
Exit Royal Party [SR] led off by Major Domo.
Enter Poppy, Daisy and Rose [SL] they go up to the mill door.
POPPY: [sees a sign on the door that reads MILL CLOSED] The mill’s closed!
DAISY: The lazy millers must still be in bed.
ROSE: I’ll soon get them up. [knocks on door]
POPPY: It’s no use, they’re probably still fast asleep.
DAISY: Why don’t we ask this lot…[audience]…to help us wake them?
ROSE: [to audience] Will you help us wake the millers? On the count of three all shout, wakey-wakey! One…two…three! Wakey-wakey!
Enter Harry from the mill, scratching his head and yawning.
HARRY: Good morning girls, and what can I do for you?
POPPY: We’d like some flour please, Harry.
HARRY: I’m afraid we’re all out of flour.
DAISY: How come?
HARRY: A hyper-mill has just opened nearby, forcing us small millers out of business.
Enter Dick [USR] carrying a FOR SALE sign over his shoulder.
DICK: Hiya girls! Have you come to buy some flour for your mum?
ROSE: Yes Dick, but Harry says you haven’t got any.
DICK: It’s true I’m afraid. The new hyper-mill has cornered the market.
HARRY: We can’t get hold of corn, for love nor money.
POPPY: What about oats?
DICK: We haven’t had any oats in months, have we Harry?
HARRY: You speak for yourself, Dick.