Pinocchio ‘The Panto’ (Perusal)

Scene One

Geppetto’s Toyshop

Pinocchio, in the final stages of construction, sits on a stool.  Geppetto sings to himself Music cue 2: as he oils each joint on Pinocchio’s arms and legs and manipulates them about. Then he stands back to admire his work.

Geppetto

There, he’s finished. Come and look at him, momma.  Isn’t he the most beautiful little boy puppet you ever did see?

Momma

(examining the puppet) Very nice Geppetto. But every time you make a little boy puppet, you always get attached to him and don’t want to sell him. And then we don’t have enough money for food.

Geppetto

But just look at the eyes on this one momma, they could almost be alive. Please let me keep him.

Momma

(sees how fondly he is looking at the puppet and relents) Oh, all right. But only if you promise to make no more little boy puppets.

Geppetto
I promise.

Momma

And do you have a name for him?

Geppetto

Not yet.

Momma

What about, ‘Colin’?

Geppetto

No, momma. This is a very special little puppet and he needs a very special name.

Momma

(indicating audience) Then why don’t you ask the boys and girls what to call him?

Geppetto

Good idea. (to audience) What do you think we should call him, boys and girls? (audience respond) What? ‘Pistachio’?

Momma

(to audience) Are you nuts?

Geppetto

(to audience) ‘Pecorino’.

Momma

Too cheesy.

Geppetto

(to audience) What? ‘Pinocchio’?

Momma

That’s a funny name.

Geppetto

No momma, that’s a perfect name. ‘Pinocchio’ it is then.

Momma

Whatever. (returns to sweeping)

Geppetto

(turns to the puppet) So little Pinocchio, how do you like your new name?

Geppetto steps back to admire his handiwork. He brushes his forehead and knocks his hat off. He turns his back on Pinocchio and bends over to pick up his hat.  Pinocchio suddenly comes to life and kicks Geppetto in the backside, sending him sprawling. Then returns to his lifeless position.

Momma

(turns and sweeps against Geppetto) What are you doing lying on the floor?

Geppetto

I’m lying on the floor because you kicked me! (stands)

Momma
What are you talking about? I didn’t kick you.

Geppetto

Well somebody did.

Momma

It wasn’t me.

Geppetto

Well I can hardly kick my own backside, can I? (turns away in a huff)

Momma

(spots Geppetto’s hat on the floor) Your hat’s on the floor. (bends over in front of Pinocchio to pick up the hat, Pinocchio kicks her on the backside sending her sprawling) Ooooff!

Geppetto

(turns and sees Momma lying on the floor) What happened, momma?

Momma

(getting up) You know very well what. You kicked me when I wasn’t looking!

Geppetto

How could I kick you from over here?

Momma

Well if you didn’t kick me and I didn’t kick you. Then who did kick us?

Geppetto

(pointing to audience) Maybe they saw who kicked us.

Momma

(to audience) Did anybody see who kicked us? (audience respond)

Gep & Mom

Pinocchio!

Momma

(to audience) Don’t be silly. Pinocchio’s a puppet and puppets can’t move. Well not without strings, anyway. (audience respond)

Geppetto

(to audience) Oh no, they can’t! (audience respond)

Gep & Mom  
Oh no, they can’t! (audience respond)

Pinocchio

(suddenly comes to life) Oh yes, I can!

Momma

He…s…s…spoke! Ooooh! (swoons and is caught by Geppetto)

Geppetto

(exclaims) Pinocchio!?

Pinocchio

That’s my name, don’t wear it out.

Geppetto

B…b…but how can you talk?

Pinocchio

The same way as you can, silly.

Momma

(recovering) But you’re made of wood!

Pinocchio

The Blue Fairy knew how much you wanted your own little boy. So she watched when papa went to the forest to chop down a tree, and placed a magic spell on it. And that’s how I’m here.

Momma

(to audience) Normally I don’t believe in fairies. But how else could a piece of wood talk?

Geppetto

(overjoyed) At last momma, we have our very own little boy!

Momma

Yes, but I would’ve preferred a real one.

Pinocchio

The Blue Fairy said that if I did everything right, I might become a real boy one day.

Gep & Mom

(excited) A real boy!

Geppetto

(to Pinocchio) Can you walk, Pinoke?

Pinocchio

Hold on and I’ll see. (heaves himself up from the stool and his legs wobble like a new-born colt) Woooohah! (collapses in a heap)

Momma and Geppetto pick him up and support him.

Geppetto

Don’t worry Pinoke, we’ll teach you to walk and run and play just like a real boy.

Momma

And don’t forget dancing, papa!

Music cue 3: They all link arms and dance him around the room. Pinocchio picks it up quickly and by the end of the dance, Geppetto and Momma have dropped out, exhausted. Leaving Pinocchio to dance alone.

Pinocchio

(stops dancing) Why did you stop dancing?

Geppetto

Me and momma need to rest, Pinocchio.

Momma

We’re not as young as we used to be.

Pinocchio

(stamping his feet) I don’t care, I want to dance!  And if you won’t teach me, I’ll hold my breath until I turn blue and die and then you’ll be sorry! (takes a deep breath and holds it)

Geppetto

Stop being silly, Pinoke.

Pinocchio starts to sway and seems about to fall down, when suddenly…

SFX: Pyrotechnic flash.

The Blue Fairy enters and Pinocchio exhales noisily and gasps.

Momma

(to Fairy) Who are you?

Blue Fairy

I’m the Blue Fairy. And I’m so appalled by what Pinocchio said to you, I’ve a good mind to turn him into firewood.

Pinocchio

(to Fairy) Please don’t turn me into firewood!  I didn’t mean to be rude, honest.  I just wanted to keep on dancing, that’s all.

Blue Fairy

Your parents have been working hard all day, and it was good of them to teach you to dance at all.

Pinocchio

(hangs his head) I’m sorry Blue Fairy. I’ll be better in future, I promise.

Geppetto 
(to Blue Fairy) Please give him another chance, Mrs Fairy.

Momma

(to Blue Fairy) Everybody deserves a second chance.

Blue Fairy

Very well. (to Pinocchio) Now let me introduce you to someone, who will remind you to always keep your promises, Pinocchio. (waves her wand) Music cue 4:

Jiminy jumps onstage with a great flourish.

Jiminy

Hiya kids! (audience respond)

Blue Fairy

(introducing them in turn) Pinocchio, Jiminy Cricket. Jiminy Cricket, Pinocchio.

Pinocchio

What a funny looking little fellow.

Jiminy

Look who’s talking. At least I’m not made of wood.

Blue Fairy

Jiminy is going to be your official conscience.

Pinocchio
What’s a ‘conscience’?

Geppetto

It’s that little voice inside, that tells us right from wrong.

Momma

But as you’re made of wood, you probably don’t have one.

Blue Fairy

That’s correct. (to Pinocchio) Now do you remember the five things you must learn, in order to become a real boy, Pinocchio?

Pinocchio

I did, but I’ve forgotten them.

Blue Fairy

Then this rhyme will help you remember.
‘My parents dear I will obey,
And do my work before I play.
I’ll go to school and learn to be clever,
Think of others, and be selfish never.
And sure as the sun shines in the sky,
I’ll never ever, tell a lie’. (notices Pinocchio pulling a face)
(to audience) I think that last one’s going to be a problem.  It’s as plain as the nose on his face. (thinks) Of course!  ‘Nose on his face’! (to Pinocchio) Pinocchio – every time you tell a lie your nose will grow longer. (‘dings’ her wand in the direction of Pinocchio, who grabs his nose in horror) So make sure you always tell the truth.

Pinocchio

Oh, I will!

Blue Fairy

(to Jiminy) Come along Jiminy.

Jiminy

See ya later, Pinoke!

Fairy and Jiminy exit.

Geppetto

(to Momma) Did you hear that, momma? Pinocchio’s gonna be a real little boy!

Momma

Yes, but only if he behaves correctly. (to Pinocchio) Tomorrow you will go to school, Pinocchio.

Pinocchio

(folds arms – petulant) But I don’t want to go to school.

Geppetto

(reprimanding) Ah-ah-ah! Remember the first rule, Pinocchio.  What is it again?

Pinocchio

(sighs) ‘My parents dear I will obey’.

Momma

Good boy. Now go and have a glass of wood preserve and then off to bed with you.

Pinocchio

Yes, momma. Goodnight momma, goodnight papa. (exits)

Gep & Mom

Goodnight Pinocchio.

Geppetto

(gazing after him) Ah, he’s a chip of the old block momma.

Momma

(dryly) Literally. (suddenly realising) How are we going to buy Pinocchio, books for school?  We don’t have two ha’pennies to rub together.

Geppetto

Then I’ll sell my coat and buy them.

Momma

You can’t sell your only coat. It’s brass monkeys out.

Geppetto

Don’t worry momma, the weather’s getting warmer every day. (grabs his coat from the coat-stand and opens the door)

SFX: Howling wind and ‘snow’ is blown over him.

Geppetto exits.

Momma

(to audience) The man’s a fool. Ah, but he’s a good man and he makes me happy. Music cue 5: Momma. After song ends…Door opens.

SFX: Howling wind.

Geppetto staggers in minus his coat and carrying a bundle of books tied up in a strap.  He’s shivering.

Momma

(fussing over him) Look at you, you’re frozen to the marrow.

Geppetto

(shivering) At least I got P…P…Pinocchio’s, s…s…schoolbooks.

Momma

Let’s get you thawed out before anything important drops off.

They exit (SR)

Pinocchio enters (SL) dressed in pyjamas and looking glum. He scuffs the floor with his shoes.

Pinocchio

I don’t want to go to rotten ol’ school. (to audience) I’ll bet none of you boys and girls go to school, do you? (audience respond) You do? Well you don’t look all that clever to me. Do your parents force you to go? (audience respond) I knew it! Nobody would go to school if they didn’t have to. (to audience) How long do you have to go to school for, anyway? (audience respond) Years! I’ll never manage that long!

Jiminy enters.

Jiminy

Hiya kids! (audience respond)

Pinocchio

(to audience) Oh no, it’s my silly old conscience. I’d better play along with him.

Jiminy
(to Pinocchio – tutting) I’ve only been gone a few minutes, and already you’ve forgotten what you have to do in order to become a real boy, Pinocchio.

Pinocchio

I’m sorry Jiminy, it’s not easy remembering everything. But with you to help me, I’m sure I’ll make it in the end.

Jiminy

That’s the spirit, Pinoke. Music cue 6: Jiminy & Pinocchio. After song ends…Right Pinoke, I’m off to help the Blue Fairy paint all the colours on the rainbow. (to audience) Well somebody’s got to do it. (to Pinocchio) Now make sure you behave properly and you’ll be a real boy before you know it. And if you’re ever in trouble, just whistle and I’ll come running.

Pinocchio

Okay Jiminy.

Jiminy

Bye Pinoke! (starts to exit)

Pinocchio

Goodbye Jiminy! (Jiminy exits) Huh! Who does he think he is? Why should I go to school anyway? I don’t need to learn anything and I certainly don’t need a conscience! (storms off)

Lights dim to blackout.

SFX: Cock crows.

Lights rise to full to indicate morning. Momma and Geppetto enter. Geppetto carries books and Momma carries a lunch-box.

Geppetto

It’s time for Pinocchio’s first day at school, momma.

Momma

I’ll just call him. (calls) Pinocchio!

Pinocchio enters clutching his tummy and groaning.

Pinocchio

Ooooh! I don’t think I can go to school today.

Geppetto

What’s the matter, Pinoke?

Pinocchio

I don’t feel well and I’ve got spots on my face.

Momma

Where? (checks his face) It’s just a couple of knots. Nothing a dab of knotting can’t fix.

Geppetto

(handing Pinocchio his books) Here are you books Pinocchio.

Momma

(handing Pinocchio a lunch-box) And here is your lunch-box. I’ve made you sandwiches filled with sawdust and wood-glue.

Geppetto

Now off you go and don’t be late home for tea.

Pinocchio

I won’t. Bye momma! Bye papa! (exits)

Momma

It’ll seem like forever before he’s home again.

Geppetto

Then let’s pass the time by going to the fairground that’s just arrived in town.

Momma

That sounds a wonderful idea.

Geppetto

Let’s go momma.

They exit.