Pinocchio The Panto (Perusal)

Scene One

Geppetto’s Toyshop

Children dressed as toys, are onstage. Pinocchio, in the final stages of construction, sits on a stool. Music cue 1: Chorus/Children. After song ends…All exit (SR) Geppetto enters (SL) with a small oil-can and hums as he oils each joint on Pinocchio’s arms and legs and manipulates them.

Geppetto There, he’s finished. (calls) Come and look at him, Momma!

Momma enters (SL) with a broom.

Momma You’ve finished him at last, then?

Geppetto Yes, Momma. Isn’t he the most beautiful little boy puppet you ever did see?

Momma (examining Pinocchio) He’s very nice, Geppetto.

Geppetto Just look at the eyes on him. They could almost be alive.

Momma Which is more than we’ll be, if we don’t earn enough money to feed ourselves. Do you have a name for him?

Geppetto Not yet.

Momma What about, Kevin?

Geppetto No, Momma. This is a very special little puppet and he needs a very special name.

Momma Then why don’t you ask the boys and girls what to call him?

Geppetto What should we call him, boys and girls? (response) Pistachio?

Momma That’s nuts.

Geppetto (response) Pecorino?

Momma Too cheesy.

Geppetto (response) Pinocchio?

Momma That’s a funny name.

Geppetto No Momma, that’s a perfect name. Pinocchio it is, then.

Momma Whatever. (begins sweeping)

Geppetto So, little Pinocchio. How do you like your new name?

Geppetto steps back to admire his handiwork. He brushes his forehead and knocks his hat off backwards. He turns and bends over to pick it up. Pinocchio suddenly comes to life and kicks Geppetto in the backside, sending him sprawling. Then returns to his lifeless position.

Momma (turns) Why are you lying on the floor, Geppetto?

Geppetto I’m lying on the floor because you kicked me! (stands)

Momma Oh no, I didn’t!

Geppetto Well, I can hardly kick my own backside, now can I? (moves DS in a huff)

Momma You’ve obviously reached the falling down stage. (spots Geppetto’s hat) Your hat’s on the floor. (bends to pick it up, and Pinocchio kicks her on the backside sending her sprawling) Ooooff!

Geppetto (turns and sees her lying on the floor) What happened, Momma?

Momma (stands) Don’t come the innocent with me! You kicked me when I wasn’t looking! (to audience) Why couldn’t I have been like most other panto dames…a widow?

Geppetto I didn’t kick you! (to audience) Did I boys and girls? (response) See?

Momma Well, if you didn’t kick me and I didn’t kick you. Then who did kick us?

Geppetto Maybe the boys and girls saw who kicked us.

Momma (to audience) Did you see who kicked us, boys and girls? (response)

Geppetto Pinocchio!

Momma Don’t talk daft, puppets can’t move. Well, not without strings anyway.

Pinocchio (suddenly comes to life) I can!

Momma Aaahh! He spoke! (swoons)

Geppetto But that’s impossible!

Pinocchio Why is it?

Momma (regaining her composure) Because you’re made of wood!

Pinocchio It’s all down to the Blue Fairy.

Mom & Gep Blue Fairy!?

Pinocchio She knew how much you wanted your own little boy. So, when Papa went to the forest to chop down a tree, she placed a magic spell on it. And that’s how I’m here.

Geppetto At last Momma, we have our very own little boy!

Momma Yes, but I would’ve preferred a real one.

Geppetto Can you walk, Pinocchio?

Pinocchio Let me see. (heaves himself up from the stool and his legs wobble like jelly) Woooohah! (collapses in a heap)

Momma and Geppetto pick him up and support him.

Geppetto Don’t worry Pinocchio. We’ll teach you to walk and run and play, just like a real boy.

Momma And maybe even dance!

They link arms and dance around the room. Music cue 2: After a while, Geppetto and Momma drop out, exhausted. Leaving Pinocchio to dance alone.

Pinocchio (annoyed) Why have you stopped dancing?

Geppetto We need a rest, Pinocchio. We’re not as young as we used to be.

Momma Although my youthful looks can be quite deceptive.

Pinocchio (tantrum) But I want to dance! And if you won’t teach me, I’ll hold my breath until I turn blue and die! And then you’ll be sorry! (takes a deep breath and holds it)

Geppetto Stop being silly, Pinocchio.

Pinocchio starts to sway and looks about to fall down.

SFX: Pyro flash.

The Blue Fairy enters (SR)

Pinocchio (exhales noisily) Blue Fairy!

Momma You’re the one who gave us Pinocchio?

Blue Fairy Yes, and I’m so appalled by what he just said to you. That I’ve a good mind to turn him into firewood.

Pinocchio Please don’t! I didn’t mean to be rude. I just wanted to keep on dancing, that’s all.

Blue Fairy It was good of them to teach you to dance at all.

Pinocchio I’m sorry Blue Fairy. I’ll be better in future, I promise.

Geppetto Please give him another chance, Mrs Fairy.

Momma Everybody deserves a second chance, I suppose.

Blue Fairy Very well. Then let me introduce you to someone, who will remind Pinocchio to always keep his promises. (waves her wand) Music cue 3:

Jiminy jumps onstage.

Jiminy Wotcha kids! (response)

Blue Fairy This is Jiminy Cricket.

Pinocchio (laughs) What a funny looking little fellow.

Jiminy Look who’s talking. At least I’m not made of wood.

Blue Fairy Jiminy is going to be your official conscience, Pinocchio.

Pinocchio What’s a conscience?

Geppetto It’s that little voice inside, that tells us right from wrong.

Momma But as you’re made of wood, you probably don’t have one.

Blue Fairy That’s right. How would you like to become a real boy Pinocchio?

Pinocchio I’d like that more than anything in the whole world!

Blue Fairy Then there are five things you must learn, in order for that to happen.

Pinocchio But what if I forget them?

Blue Fairy Then this rhyme will help you remember. My parents dear I will obey, And do my work before I play. I’ll go to school and learn to be clever, Think of others and be selfish never. As long as the sun shines in the sky, I’ll never ever tell a lie.

Pinocchio pulls a face on the last one.

Geppetto I think that last one might prove to be a problem, Momma.

Momma Me too. It’s as plain as the nose on his face.

Blue Fairy ‘Plain as the nose on his face.’ Of course! Pinocchio. Every time you tell a lie, your nose will grow longer. (dings her wand at Pinocchio Music cue 4: who grabs his nose) So, be sure you always tell the truth.

Pinocchio Oh, I will!

Blue Fairy Come along Jiminy.

Jiminy See ya later, Pinoke! Be good!

Fairy and Jiminy exit.

Pinocchio Did you hear that? I’m going to be a real boy!

Momma Yes, but only if you behave correctly. Now, tomorrow you will go to school.

Pinocchio (petulant) But I don’t want to go to school.

Geppetto Remember the first rule, Pinocchio. What is it again?

Pinocchio (sighs) My parents dear, I will obey.

Momma Good boy. Now go and have a glass of wood preserve, and then off to bed with you.

Pinocchio Yes, Momma. Goodnight Momma, goodnight Papa. (exits SL)

Gep & Mom Goodnight Pinocchio.

Momma I’ve just realised. Pinocchio will need books for school, and we don’t have two ha’pennies to rub together.

Geppetto Then I’ll sell my coat and buy some.

Momma You can’t sell your only coat, it’s brass monkey’s out.

Geppetto It’s not that bad, momma. (grabs his coat and opens the door)

SFX: Howling wind – snow is blown over him.

Geppetto exits.

Momma The man’s a fool. But his heart’s in the right place. I’d better go and run a hot bath, ready to thaw him out later. (exits USR)

Pinocchio enters (SL) looking glum.

Pinocchio I don’t want to go to rotten ol’ school. (to audience) I’ll bet none of you boys and girls go to school, do you? (response) I bet your parents force you to go, don’t they? (response) I knew it! Nobody would go to school if they didn’t have to. How long must you go to school for, anyway? (response) Years! I’ll never manage that long!

Jiminy enters (DSR)

Jiminy Wotcha kids!

Pinocchio (to audience) It’s my silly old conscience, again. I suppose I’d better play along.

Jiminy I’ve only been gone a few minutes, and already you’ve forgotten what you must do in order to become a real boy, Pinocchio.

Pinocchio I’m sorry Jiminy, it’s not easy remembering everything. But with you to help me, I’m sure I’ll make it in the end.

Jiminy That’s the spirit, Pinoke. Music cue 5: Jiminy & Pinocchio. After song ends…Right Pinoke, I’m off to help the Blue Fairy paint all the colours on the rainbow. (to audience) Well, somebody has to do it. (to Pinocchio) Just make sure you behave properly, and you’ll be a real boy before you know it. And if you’re ever in trouble, just whistle and I’ll come running.

Pinocchio Okay Jiminy.

Jiminy Bye Pinoke! (exit SR)

Pinocchio Who does he think he is? Why should I go to school anyway? I don’t need to learn anything and I certainly don’t need a stupid conscience! (storms off SL)

Momma enters (USR)

Momma That’s the bath run, ready for Geppetto.

SFX:Howling wind and snow.

Geppetto staggers in minus his coat. He carries books tied up in a strap.

Geppetto (shivering) I’m b…b…back M…M…Momma.

Momma You’re frozen to the marrow. Let’s get you thawed out before anything important drops off. (takes him off USR)

Lights dim to blackout.

SFX: Cock crows.

Lights rise. Geppetto and Momma enter.

Geppetto It’s time for Pinocchio’s first day at school, Momma.

Momma I’ll just call him. (calls) Pinocchio!

Pinocchio enters clutching his tummy and groaning.

Pinocchio Ooooh! I don’t think I can go to school today.

Geppetto What’s the matter, Pinoke?