Old Mother Hubbard


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When Squire Gambit suddenly becomes the landlord of Old Mother Hubbard’s financially strapped orphanage, courtesy of Demon Evil and a bottomless magic purse. He threatens to evict her and all her orphans, unless she pays all her back rent, or allows her eldest orphan Megan, to marry him.

Mother Hubbard refuses, and instead turns the orphanage into a French Bistro to bring in money. But the venture fails and all seems lost.

However, Fairy Good rides to the rescue and saves the orphanage, and Megan marries not the beguiled Squire but the dashing Prince Harry.


9 principals, plus 2 minor speaking roles, and many speaking lines for children. Plus adult chorus.


All our scripts have a runtime of approximately 2hrs (not including any interval) but this is very dependent on your own production and can be edited by yourselves to suit your own needs.


Our pantomimes all come with a full, suggested songs, music cues and SFX list.


Traditional British pantomime, incorporating visual comedy, slapstick and audience participation.

Free Sample




Google The Dog
Dancers; Villagers; Skeletons; Banquet Pig; etc.



Music cue 1: Chorus. After song ends…

Enter Handy Andy [SL] carrying a tool-bag.

ANDY: Hiya boys and girls, and welcome to Tumbledown Village. I’m Andy, but everybody calls Me Handy Andy, because there’s nothing I can’t fix. Every time I come on and shout, ‘who can fix it?’ I want you all to shout back, ‘Andy can!’ Okay? Let’s try it out then. [shouts] Who can fix it? Some of you don’t seem too sure. Let’s try it again. Who can fix it? That was much better.

CHORUS 1: Where are you off to today, Andy?

ANDY: Tumbledown Orphanage.

CHORUS 2: What for?

ANDY: Old Mother Hubbard’s having trouble with her plumbing, again.

CHORUS 3: Maybe she ought to see a doctor instead. [laughs]

ANDY: I meant her water pipes! I’m just going to check the old boiler over.

CHORUS 4: Don’t let her hear you calling her that, Andy.

ANDY: I wasn’t, even though she is.

CHORUS 5: We think she fancies you like mad.

ANDY: And I’d have to be mad to fancy her.

CHORUS 6: You’ll be lucky if you get out alive Andy.

Exit Chorus laughing.

ANDY: They could be right. The last time I went there, Mother Hubbard locked the door and wouldn’t let me go until I’d given her a kiss. I told her to close her eyes and pucker up and used my sink plunger on her instead. Now she thinks I’m the best kisser in town and fancies me even more. I suppose I’d better go and get it over with then. See you all later folks. [exits SR]

Music cue 2: Enter Demon [SL]

DEMON: Fairy Good will never stop me,

From causing pain and misery.

Enter Squire Gambit [SR] wailing.

SQUIRE: Woe is me! I’ve gambled away the last of my money, and now I’m ruined!

DEMON: Had a bit of bad luck, Squire?

SQUIRE: I never have anything else.

DEMON: Well, your luck is about to change.

SQUIRE: What are you talking about?

DEMON: I’m going to grant you three wishes.

SQUIRE: I thought this was Old Mother Hubbard, and not Aladdin.

DEMON: You don’t want your three wishes then?

SQUIRE: I didn’t say that now, did I?

DEMON: Then what would you like for your first wish?

SQUIRE: I’d like an inexhaustible supply of cash.

DEMON: No problem. [hands him a small purse] Here you are.

SQUIRE: It won’t take long to spend whatever’s inside this little purse.

DEMON: That is no ordinary purse, it’s a magic purse which never empties.

SQUIRE: You’re having me on, there’s no such thing as a purse that never empties.

DEMON: Why don’t you reach inside and see what’s there.

SQUIRE: [takes out a £10 note] A measly ten pounds! That won’t go very far. [turns purse inside out] I thought you said it never emptied.

DEMON: Look again.

SQUIRE: [takes out another £10] Another ten pounds! Maybe it is magic after all.

DEMON: And for your second wish?

SQUIRE: I’d like to own a great big mansion.

DEMON: [clicks fingers] Done! You’re now the proud owner of Buckingham Palace.

SQUIRE: But doesn’t the King live there?

DEMON: Not anymore. [produces deeds] Here are the deeds to it.

SQUIRE: Fantastic!

DEMON: And for your third and final wish?

SQUIRE: Let me see now. I have an inexhaustible supply of cash, plus Buckingham Palace. Now all I need is a sexy young wife to make my life complete.

DEMON: I’m afraid I can’t make anybody fall in love with you.

DEMON: Who mentioned anything about love?

SQUIRE: Very well, you will meet your heart’s desire today, the rest is up to you.

SQUIRE: I can’t wait! But why are you doing all this for me?

DEMON: I’m just paying it forward, friend.

SQUIRE: This is even better than winning the lottery.

DEMON: And as an added bonus. [produces deeds] Here are the deeds to Old Mother Hubbard’s orphanage with your name on them.

SQUIRE: What do I want with a rundown orphanage?

DEMON: It might help persuade the object of your desire, to marry you. Goodbye, and may your new-found wealth bring you happiness. [exits SL]

SQUIRE: I’m normally a decent sort, but the chance of money and power does alter one’s morality somewhat, ask any MP. I’ll just check out my new pad. Taxi!

Enter Bump and Grind in a cut-out taxi [SR] Enter a daydreaming Megan [SL] who wanders in front of them causing them to halt suddenly.

SFX: Tyres screeching.

BUMP: Mind where you’re going, Miss!

MEGAN: I’m sorry, I must have been daydreaming.

SQUIRE: I saw everything my dear, and it was their fault entirely.

BUM & GRI: [exiting taxi] Oh no, it wasn’t!

SQUIRE: Oh yes, it was!

BUM & GRI: Oh no, it wasn’t!

SQUIRE: [to Megan] Allow me to introduce myself, I’m Squire Gambit.

MEGAN: Pleased to meet you Squire, I’m Megan.

SQUIRE: [leering] Well, Megan my dear. Can I offer you a lift somewhere – anywhere?

MEGAN: No thanks, Mother Hubbard warned me never to accept lifts from strangers.

SQUIRE: You’re one of Mother Hubbard’s orphans?

MEGAN: Yes, I lost my parents when I was only a baby.

GRIND: That’s really sad, isn’t it Bump?

BUMP: Yes, and I know how she feels, Grind. I lost my parents when I was young.

GRIND: They died?

BUMP: No, they moved house while I was at school and forgot to tell me.