SCENE ONE
SKID ROW
[USR] is Flowerpot’s flower shop, complete with practical door. Music cue 2: Chorus. After song ends…Exit Chorus [SL]
Enter Seymour [SR]
SEYMOUR: Hiya folks! I’m Seymour Flowerpot and I work right here in my mum’s flower shop, which has stood on Skid Row for almost twenty-five years. But trade has plummeted recently, and the landlord’s threatening to evict us for non-payment of rent. Mum thinks an exotic new plant in the shop window might entice customers back in, and I’ve been cross-pollinating like mad trying to produce one.
Enter Audrey [SL]
AUDREY: Hello Seymour.
SEYMOUR: Hi Audrey. [to audience] This is my girlfriend, Audrey. Isn’t she lovely?
AUDREY: You do say the sweetest things, Seymour.
SEYMOUR: And you’re the sweetest thing in my life Audrey.
AUDREY: What are you up to today, then?
SEYMOUR: Minding mum’s shop. Although she probably won’t have it for much longer.
AUDREY: She’s not selling up, is she?
SEYMOUR: No, she’s behind with the rent and the landlord’s threatening to evict us.
AUDREY: That’s terrible. Isn’t it, boys and girls?
SEYMOUR: She’s currently visiting all the banks on the high street, trying to get a loan.
AUDREY: Is business bad then?
SEYMOUR: No, it’s gone past bad and moved on to downright terrible.
AUDREY: Have you had any luck producing a new species of plant yet?
SEYMOUR: I’ve had about as much luck as Shrek applying for a job as a male model.
AUDREY: Don’t give up hope Seymour, you have to keep on believing. Music cue 3: Audrey and Seymour. After song ends…I’d better be going. I start my new job today, and I mustn’t be late. I’ll see you later. [exits SR]
SEYMOUR: I’m crazy about Audrey, but I haven’t got the confidence to ask her to marry her. Maybe you could help me build it up. Whenever I come on, and shout what do I need? You all to shout back, confidence Seymour! Will you do that? Let’s have a go then. [exits and returns] What do I need? Brilliant! I’d better go and open the shop. See you later folks! [exits inside]
Enter Flora Flowerpot [SR]
FLORA: Hello boys and girls! I’m Flora Flowerpot and this is my flower shop, which I run with my son Seymour. I became a single mum after my husband tragically died ten years ago whilst doing a crossword. His last word to me was plethora. To this day that word still means a lot to me. I used the insurance money to buy this flower shop, but its hit a rough patch recently and I’m struggling to pay the rent. I tried getting a bank loan, but it was a waste of time. So, I’m relying on Seymour coming up with an exotic plant to save us from ruin, although my hopes aren’t high. Last week he crossed a spider plant with a Venus flytrap and produced a plant that ate itself. And before that, he crossed a stinkweed with a trumpet flower and got a stinky trump. I’ll just go and see how he’s getting on with his latest attempt. See you later! [exits inside]
Enter Weedol, Bill and Ben [SL]
WEEDOL: That’s Flora Flowerpot’s flower shop and her rent is in arrears.
BEN: That’s a funny place to keep it.
BILL: She must have very big ears.
WEEDOL: No, you idiots! She owes me lots of rent, and if she doesn’t pay up, I want you to evict her. But she does have big ears as well.
BEN: Don’t worry boss, we’re used to evicting helpless old ladies. Aren’t we Bill?
BILL: We certainly are, Ben.
BEN: Although mum gave us a bit of trouble when we tried evicting her.
WEEDOL: You tried evicting your own mum?
BILL: Yes, but we let her off after she threatened to ground us.
WEEDOL: Why were you trying to evict your own mother?
BILL: She wouldn’t let us have a Wii in our bedroom.
WEEDOL: I don’t blame her. You’re supposed to use the toilet for that sort of thing.
BEN: We couldn’t do that.
WEEDOL: Why not?
BILL: There’s isn’t enough room to swing our nun-chucks.
WEEDOL: I’m not interested in your filthy habits! I want Flowerpot’s shop out of business, so I can demolish it and build a block of penthouse-suites.
BEN: No worries, Mr Weedol.
BILL: We’ll soon put the frighteners on her.
WEEDOL: You certainly have the faces for it.
BEN: We’ve been using these new Viagra eye-drops.
WEEDOL: What do they do then?
BILL: They make us look hard.
WEEDOL: You two wouldn’t look hard if you were set in concrete!
Music cue 4: Enter Flora Flowerpot [DSL]
FLORA: I thought I heard noisy yobs hanging about outside my shop, and I was right.
WEEDOL: I’ve come for it Flowerpot!
FLORA: Well, you won’t get it from me.
WEEDOL: I want your rent arrears paying in full right now!
FLORA: Well, you can want because I’m skint.
WEEDOL: I don’t believe you.
Recent Comments