Jack And The Beanstalk Version 3 (Perusal)

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Perusal Copy

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SKU: jackv3PS Category:

Description

Synopsis:

The Trott family face eviction from their dairy, by Squire Richman. And to complicate matters, Jack Trott has fallen in love with the Squire’s daughter, Jill. Despite this, the Squire orders his bailiffs to evict them. But Giant Blunderbore’s henchman Fleshcreep, throws a spanner in the works, and Jill ends up being kidnapped and taken to the Giant’s castle in the sky. Meanwhile, Jack has unwittingly sold the family’s cow Buttercup, for a bag of beans. However, this turns out to be a blessing in disguise, and Jack and the others climb a giant beanstalk to rescue Jill and Buttercup.

Roles:

10 principals plus a Giant, a pantomime cow and a chorus.

Runtime:

All of our scripts have a runtime of approx 120 minutes, assuming that you use the full number of suggested musical numbers and not including any interval. But this is very dependent on your own production and can be edited by yourselves to suit.

Music:

All of our pantomimes come with a full, suggested songs and music cues and SFX list.

Style:

Traditional British pantomime, incorporating visual comedy, slapstick and audience participation.

Free Sample

Characters

Jack Trott
Dame Trott
Simple Simon
Jill Richman
Squire Richman
Snatch
Grab
Fleshcreep
Fairy Beanie
Mavis
Buttercup

Chorus/Minor Roles

Blunderbore the Giant
Villagers, Ghosts, Slaves, etc.

Scene Two

Somewhere Near Trott’s Dairy

Music cue 5: Lights dim briefly as Fleshcreep enters (SL) with a string of mice.

Fleshcreep
(holding them up at the side of his face) These mice ought to make a nice pudding for the Giant.

Jill enters (SR)

Jill
(to audience) I’m missing Jack already, so I’m heading back to the Dairy to see him again. (spots Fleshcreep) Jack! Is that you? (Fleshcreep lowers the mice and turns) Fleshcreep! I thought you were my boyfriend.

Fleshcreep
Is he handsome?

Jill
Oh yes, very.

Fleshcreep
Then I’m not surprised you mistook me for him.

Jill
You look nothing like him!

Fleshcreep
You mean, I’m even more handsome?

Jill
You’re about as handsome as a warthog that’s just been run over by a bus.

Fleshcreep
Flatterer! So where are you off to, then?

Jill
Trott’s Dairy. Not that it’s any of your business.

Fleshcreep
Everything is my business. I understand the Trott’s have a cow called ‘Buttercup’.

Jill
Yes, they do. And she’s lovely!

Fleshcreep
Good! (aside to audience) She’ll make a lovely cow pie.

Jill
What did you just say?

Fleshcreep
(turns back) I said, ‘I might call in for a lovely cream pie.’

Jack
(shouts off) Jill!

Jill
Here’s my Jack now. His mum owns the dairy

Fleshcreep
Well I really must be going now. (turns to exit SL)

Jill
But the dairy’s the other way! What about your cream pie?

Fleshcreep
It’s just gone off. (exits)

Jill
(shudders) What a creep!

Jack enters (SR)

Jill
Hi Jack!

Jack
Hi Jill! Has your father come around to the idea of us marrying, yet?

Jill
Are you rich yet?

Jack
No, but I’ve a feeling I’m about to get my hands on something nice very soon.

Jill
(flirtatious) Don’t be so presumptuous, Jack. You’ll have to get rich first. By the way, Fleshcreep was here just now.

Jack
He didn’t try anything on with you, did he?

Jill
No, Jack.

Jack
What would you do, if he did?

Jill
I’d shout…(shouts)…‘unhand me you creep, or I’ll scream’!

Jack
I love you, Jill!

Jill
And I love you, Jack! (they hug)

Music cue 6: Fairy Beanie enters (SR)

Fairy
Beanie’s here to save the day! (pointing her wand at Jack & Jill)
Unhand that girl at once, I say!

Jack
(to Fairy) You, again!

Jill
(separating from Jack) You know each other?

Jack
We’ve met once. (introducing Fairy) This is Fairy Beanie and she’s keen to rescue somebody from danger. A bit too keen if you ask me.

Jill
(to Fairy) I’m afraid you’ve got the wrong end of the stick.

Jack
(annoyed to Fairy) Again!

Fairy
(to Jill) So, nothing dangerous going on then?

Jill
No.

Fairy
Nobody getting up to anything they shouldn’t?

Jack
Fat chance with you around.

Jill
(to Fairy) Jack here, is my boyfriend.

Fairy
So, it’s safe to leave you with him then?

Jack
Yes! Nothing’s going to happen to Jill, whilst ever she’s with me.

Jill
(disappointed) Surely, I can expect a little excitement Jack.

Jack
(to Fairy) Now off you and save Cinderella or somebody, and I’ll shout you if anything dangerous ever turns up.

Fairy
You’re not just saying that to make me feel better, are you?

Jack
You’ll be the first person I call.

Fairy
Promise?

Jack
I promise. Now please go away!

Fairy
All right. (to Jill) If anything rears its ugly head, just yell. (exits SR)

Jack
Thank goodness she’s gone. Now, where were we? Oh yes. (embraces Jill) Oh,
Jill!

Jill
Oh, Jack!

Simon enters (SL)

Simon
(to audience) Simon says, ‘everybody blow a raspberry’! (audience respond) Well done! (wiping his eye) A bit too well done. (sees Jack & Jill cuddling) Are you two still at it?

Jack
(to Jill) We can’t canoodle properly with all these interruptions, Jill. Let’s go somewhere nice and quiet.

Jill
Okay, Jack.

Jack
(to Simon) Bye Simon!

Jack and Jill exit (SL)

Simon
(to audience) I can’t stand lovey-dovey stuff, can you kids? It makes me feel sick!

Music cue 7: Fairy Beanie enters (SR) dressed in a Nurse’s outfit.

Fairy Beanie
Don’t worry or fret if you feel sick,
Nurse Beanie’s here to help you quick.
If you’re at death’s door, and feeling blue,
I am here to pull you through.

Simon
(to audience) I didn’t realise the NHS were offering a flying-nurse service!

Fairy Beanie
Tell me what’s your malady,
And I will apply a remedy.

Simon
I’m not ill, love.

Fairy Beanie
But I heard you say that you felt sick,
Which is why I got here double-quick.
I’ll beat those germs and bacteria,
(takes out a tongue-depressor)
Now open wide and just say ‘aaahh
(shoves the tongue-depressor in his mouth)

Simon
(gagging) Aaahh! (pushing her away) Get off!

Fairy Beanie
Don’t you want treating then?

Simon
You’re the one who wants treating! I was only talking about lovey-dovey stuff making me feel sick.

Fairy Beanie
You mean, I’ve got all dressed up for nothing?

Simon
Don’t worry love. Judging by this script, you’re not the only one

Fairy
But I’ve hired this outfit for the day.

Simon
I’m sure you can still get some use out of it, before you to take it back.

Fairy Beanie
How?

Simon
(indicating audience) Some of them look in need urgent medical attention.

Fairy Beanie
(looking audience over) Oh, yes!

Simon
Although, a defibrillator might be needed to get some moving again.

Fairy Beanie
I haven’t got one of those, but I have something else that gets people moving. (takes a bottle and spoon from her bag) Castor oil.

Simon
(to audience) Do keep up.

Fairy Beanie
(leaves stage and moves into audience) Now, who’s first? (to woman) You look like you could do with a good seeing-too, dear. (leans in to woman) I beg your pardon? No, I can’t prescribe gift vouchers for Anne Summers. (to a man) How about you sir? (sits on man’s knee) Is there anything you’d like massaging. (leans in) What’s that? No! I don’t do that kind of massage! (to another woman) What about you Mrs? Is there anything I can prescribe to make you feel better? (leans in) What? I’m sorry, but George Clooney isn’t available on the NHS. (sits on a man’s knee) Can I do anything to perk you up, sir? (jumps up) Oh! I think I just have!

Simon
(to Fairy) Get back up here! This is supposed to be Jack And The Beanstalk! Not Carry On Nurse!

Fairy Beanie
(returning to stage) I think most of them are beyond medical help. Oh well, another day wasted. If I don’t find somebody to help soon, I might as well give up any idea of becoming a qualified fairy. (trudges off sadly SR)

Simon
They really shouldn’t let them out, you know. (checks his watch) Look at the time! I’ve missed the early showing now. I’ll think I’ll go home and play on my X-box instead. (waves to audience) See you later team! (exits SR)

Snatch and Grab enter (SL)

Snatch
We should be safe, now that we’ve been immunised against all known cow diseases.

Grab
Funny how our doctor had never heard of ‘Bovine-itis’ and wouldn’t give us anything.

Snatch
Yeah. It’s a good job we found that online Canadian pharmacy.

Grab
It certainly is. Those pills tasted a bit funny though, didn’t they?

Snatch
You mean, you ate yours?

Grab
Yes. Didn’t you?

Snatch
No, I didn’t!

Grab
What did you do with them, then?

Snatch
I did what you’re supposed to do with suppositories!

Grab
‘Suppositories’! You mean…ooohh! Suddenly I don’t feel well.

Squire enters (SL)

Squire
There you both are! Well?

Grab
(grimacing) Not really, no.

Squire
Have you got my money from Dame Trott, yet?

Snatch
No, Squire.

Squire
And why not?

Grab
Because her cow’s ill with Bovine-itis and it’s catching.

Squire
There’s no such thing as ‘Bovine-itis’!

Grab
Isn’t there?

Squire
No, you idiots! She’s had you on!

Grab
You mean to say, I ate those suppositories for nothing?

Squire
Why on earth did you eat suppositories? No, don’t tell me. I don’t want to know what disgusting things you get up to in your spare time.

Snatch
(to Squire) Shall we go back to Dame Trott’s and knock her up?

Grab
(to Snatch) Will you please stop putting these horrible images in my head?

Squire
Yes, and I’ll come with you. I have a feeling my daughter’s seeing Jack Trott behind my back, underneath my very nose.

Snatch
Is that even physically possible?

Squire
Anything’s possible with those Trott’s, Now let’s go!

All exit (SR)