Humpty Dumpty


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The Kingdom of Eggstonia is happy and safe, whilst ever the evil Humpty Dumpty remains locked inside a giant egg, that sits on a Magic Wall created by Fairy Soufflé.

Witch Salmonella returns and frees her servant Humpty from the egg, by making it fall from the wall. In order to prevent Salmonella from taking over. Humpty’s shell must be pieced together again, by all the King’s Men. But once piece has been taken away to Salmonella’s castle and time is running out.

A cracking panto that will leave your audience eggstatic.


12 principals plus several small cameo roles and a chorus with many speaking lines.


All our scripts have a runtime of approximately 2hrs (not including any interval) but this is very dependent on your own production and can be edited by yourselves to suit your own needs.


Our pantomimes all come with a full, suggested songs, music cues and SFX list.


Traditional British pantomime, incorporating visual comedy, slapstick and audience participation.

Free Sample




Swampy of the Swamp
Colin Coddle
Jack and Jill
Little Miss Muffet
The Mouse that ran up the clock
Dancers; Villagers; Courtiers; Spiders; Bats; etc.



A wall runs across upstage. Sitting on the wall is a large Egg. Chorus are onstage. Music cue 2: Chorus. After song ends…

Enter Charlie Chuck [SL]

CHARLIE: Hiya boys and girls! I’m Charlie Chuck, and I’m the royal Chamberlain. And as we’re in Eggstonia, whenever I come on I’ll shout, ‘eggy-eggy-eggy!’ And you can all reply, ‘oi-oi-oi!’ Will you do that? Let’s have a practice then. [exits and re-enters] Eggy-eggy-eggy! That was excruciating! Let’s have another go. [repeat business] That was eggceptional!

CHORUS 1: When are the royal family arriving Charlie?

CHORUS 2: We’ve come to watch them give the speech to the magic wall.

CHARLIE: They’ll be here shortly, and the King will recite the magic rhyme to ensure that Humpty Dumpty stays locked inside the egg for another year.

CHORUS 3: And a good job too, we don’t want that bad egg causing a big stink again.

CHARLIE: Don’t worry, Humpty will be staying right where he is. Music cue 3:

CHORUS 4: The royal party are arriving!

Chorus get ready to greet them.

CHARLIE: Please welcome their majesties King Eggbert and Queen Omelette, and her royal highness Princess Shelly!

Enter King Eggbert and Princess Shelly [SR]

Chorus cheer.

PRINCESS: That was a wonderful greeting, wasn’t it, father?

KING: It was eggstraordinary, Shelly. Greetings loyal objects! How are you all? [response] Eggscellent!

CHARLIE: Where’s the Queen your majesty?

KING: She’s got a bun in the oven.

CHARLIE: [shaking his hand] Congratulations sire, all Eggstonia will be thrilled!

KING: No you fool, I meant the eating kind!

PRINCESS: It’s mum’s baking day Charlie.

KING: Citizens of Eggstonia! Before I address the magic wall, I have an important announcement to announce!

CHARLIE: [coughs] Ahem!

KING: [gives Charlie a stare] As I was saying, I have an important…

CHARLIE: [coughs louder] Ahem!

KING: Will you be quiet Charlie! As I was about to say…

CHARLIE: [coughs even louder] Ahem!

KING: What is the matter with you today Charlie?

CHARLIE: I’m sorry sire, but it’s my job to do the royal announcements.

KING: Then get on with it man! If you can stop coughing long enough that is.

CHARLIE: [announcing] Her Royal highness Princess Shelly is to wed Prince Benedict of Albumen tomorrow, and the day will be a public holiday!

CHORUS: Hooray!

PRINCESS: That seemed to go down well, Charlie.

CHARLIE: Everybody loves a royal wedding Princess.

KING: Now, what else was I supposed to be doing today?

PRINCESS: Making a speech to the Magic Wall father?

KING: Ah yes now, where is my speech? [searches pockets]

CHARLIE: [handing him a scroll] Here it is your majesty.

KING: Thank you Charlie, I’ll just put on my glasses. [searching pockets] They’re not here. Where are my glasses? I’ve lost my glasses!

PRINCESS: They’re on your head, father.

KING: [pulls them down] Silly me, I’ve made a spectacle of myself haven’t I.

CHARLIE: [aside] As usual.

KING: [reading] Citizens of Eggstonia, it gives me great pleasure to declare this village fete…

PRINCESS: Wrong speech father!

KING: Oh! [turns page] We’re gathered here for the unveiling of…[Charlie and Shelly, shake heads] I name this ship…[Charlie and Shelly shake heads] Ah, here we are! As ruler of Eggstonia, it falls upon me to address the magic wall and recite the magic rhyme. [clears throat] Oh, great and mysterious magic wall…

Enter Queen Omelette [SR]

QUEEN: Stop! What do you think you’re doing, Eggbert?

KING: I’m about to address the magic wall, dear.

QUEEN: You can’t do that!

KING: Why can’t I?

QUEEN: Because we agreed to take it in turns, and you did it last year now, move aside. [shoves him aside] Citizens of Eggstonia! I will now address the magic wall whose presence keeps us free from trouble and strife.

CHORUS: Here! Here!

KING: Do hurry up Omelette, Eggstonia’s Got Talent is on soon.

QUEEN: All right Eggbert, stop egging me on. [turns to wall] Oh, great and mysterious magic wall…

CHARLIE: [sniffs] I can smell something burning!

SFX: Smoke pours onstage.

QUEEN: My buns! Come and help me rescue them!

PRINCESS: But what about the speech to the magic wall mother?

QUEEN: It’ll have to wait Shelly now, let’s hurry before the palace catches on fire!

Exit Queen, King, Princess Shelly, and Charlie [SL]

CHORUS 1: I’m not hanging around here all day.

CHORUS 2: Me neither, I’ve got better things to do.

CHORUS 3: So have I.

CHORUS 4: Let’s go everybody.

Exit Chorus [USR]

Enter Minnie Meringue [DSR] carrying a basket of mini eggs.

MINNIE: Hello boys and girls! My name’s Minnie, Minnie Meringue, and I like to know that everybody’s happy, so whenever I come on I’ll shout, ‘is everybody happy?’ And you can all respond, ‘eggstatic Minnie!’ Okay? Let’s have a practice then. [exits and re-enters] Is everybody happy? You don’t sound very happy, let’s have another go. [repeat business] That’s better. I’ve just been to the Doctor’s for the fifth time this week. I said ‘what’s wrong with me Doctor?’ And he replied, ‘I think you’re suffering from hypochondria.’ I said, ‘not that as well!’ Now, today’s St Scramble’s Day, and on this day it’s customary to distribute chocolate eggs to the poor. I have a basketful here but you lot don’t look poor so, you can’t have any. [laughs] Only joking, here you go. [distribute eggs]

Enter Man [SL] he makes his way towards [SR]

MINNIE: Hey, you!

MAN: [stops] Who, me?

MINNIE: Yes, you! Stop annoying me?

MAN: But I wasn’t even looking at you!

MINNIE: I know, and it’s really annoying.