SCENE ONE
THE VILLAGE OF SHELLSVILLE
A wall runs across upstage. Sitting on the wall is a large Egg. Chorus are onstage.
Music cue 2: Chorus. After song ends…
Enter Charlie Chuck [SL]
CHARLIE: Hiya boys and girls! I’m Charlie Chuck, and I’m the royal Chamberlain. And as we’re in Eggstonia, whenever I come on and shout, eggy-eggy-eggy’ you can all reply, oi-oi-oi! Will you do that? Let’s have a practice then. [exits and re-enters] Eggy-eggy-eggy! I’m sure you can do better than that. [repeats business] That was eggceptional.
CHORUS 1: When are the royal family arriving, Charlie?
CHORUS 2: We’ve come to watch them give the speech to the magic wall.
CHARLIE: They’ll be here shortly, and the King will recite the magic rhyme, to ensure that Humpty Dumpty stays locked inside the egg for another year.
CHORUS 3: And a good job too. We don’t want that bad egg causing a big stink again.
CHARLIE: Don’t worry, Humpty will be staying right where he is. Music cue 3:
CHORUS 4: The royal party are arriving!
Chorus get into position ready to greet them.
CHARLIE: Please welcome King Eggbert and Queen Omelette, and her royal highness Princess Shelley!
Enter King Eggbert and Princess Shelley [SR]
Chorus cheer.
PRINCESS: That was a wonderful greeting, wasn’t it, father?
KING: It was eggstraordinary, Shelley. [to Chorus] Greetings loyal objects! How are you all? [response] Eggscellent!
CHARLIE: Where’s Queen Omelette, your majesty?
KING: She’s got a bun in the oven.
CHARLIE: [shaking his hand] Congratulations sire! All Eggstonia will be thrilled!
KING: No, you fool! I meant the eating kind!
PRINCESS: It’s her baking day Charlie.
KING: Citizens of Eggstonia! Before I address the magic wall, I have an important announcement to announce!
CHARLIE: [coughs] Ahem!
KING: [gives Charlie a stare] As I was saying, I have an important…
CHARLIE: [coughs louder] Ahem!
KING: Will you be quiet, Charlie! As I was about to say…
CHARLIE: [coughs even louder] Ahem!
KING: [snaps] What is the matter with you today Charlie?
CHARLIE: I’m sorry sire, but it’s my job to do the royal announcements.
KING: Then get on with it man! If you can stop coughing long enough that is.
CHARLIE: [announcing] Her Royal highness Princess Shelley is to wed Prince Benedict of Albumen tomorrow, and the day will be a public holiday!
CHORUS: Hooray!
PRINCESS: That seemed to go down well, Charlie.
CHARLIE: Everybody loves a royal wedding, Princess Shelley.
KING: Now, what else was I supposed to be doing today?
PRINCESS: Making a speech to the Magic Wall, father?
KING: Ah, yes! [searching his pockets] Now, where is my speech?
CHARLIE: [handing him a scroll] Here it is, your majesty.
KING: Thank you. I’ll just put on my glasses. [searching pockets] They’re not here. Where are my glasses? I’ve lost my glasses!
PRINCESS: They’re on your head, father.
KING: [pulls them down] Silly me. I’ve made a spectacle of myself, haven’t I?
CHARLIE: [aside] As per usual.
KING: [reading] Citizens of Eggstonia! It gives me great pleasure to declare this village fete…
PRINCESS: Wrong speech, father!
KING: Oh! [turns page] We’re gathered here for the unveiling of…[Charlie and Shelley, shake heads] I name this ship…[Charlie and Shelley shake heads] Ah, here we are! As ruler of Eggstonia, it falls upon me to address the magic wall and recite the magic rhyme. [clears throat] Oh, great and mysterious magic wall…
Enter Queen Omelette [SR]
QUEEN: Stop! What do you think you’re doing, Eggbert?
KING: I’m about to address the magic wall, dear.
QUEEN: You can’t do that!
KING: Why can’t I?
QUEEN: Because we agreed to take it in turns and you did it last year. Now move aside. [moves him aside] Citizens of Eggstonia! I will now address the magic wall. Whose presence keeps us free from trouble and strife.
CHORUS: Here! Here!
KING: Do hurry up Omelette, Eggstonia’s Got Talent is on soon.
QUEEN: All right Eggbert, stop egging me on. [turns to wall] Oh, great and mysterious magic wall…
CHARLIE: [sniffs] I can smell something burning!
SFX: Smoke pours onstage.
QUEEN: My buns! Come and help me rescue them!
PRINCESS: But what about the speech to the magic wall, mother?
QUEEN: It will have to wait! Hurry, before the palace catches on fire!
Exit Queen, King, Princess Shelley, and Charlie [SL]
CHORUS 1: I’m not hanging around here all day.
CHORUS 2: Me neither, I’ve got better things to do.
CHORUS 3: Me too.
CHORUS 4: Let’s go everybody.
Exit Chorus [USR]
Enter Minnie Meringue [DSR] carrying a basket of mini eggs.
MINNIE: Hello boys and girls! I’m Mrs Meringue, Minnie to my friends. I like to make sure everybody’s happy, so whenever I come on, I’ll shout, is everybody happy? And you all respond, eggstatic, Minnie! Okay? Let’s have a practice then. [exits and re-enters] Is everybody happy? You don’t sound it. Let’s have another go. [repeats business] That’s better. I’ve just been to the Doctor’s for the third time this week. [elicit sympathy] I said what’s wrong with me Doctor? And he replied, I think you’re suffering from hypochondria. I said, not that as well! Now, today is St Scramble’s Day, and on this day it’s customary to distribute chocolate eggs to the poor and needy. I have a basketful here, but you don’t look poor and needy so you can’t have any. Only joking! Here you go. [distributes eggs]
Enter Man [SL] he makes his way towards [SR]
MINNIE: Hey, you!
MAN: [stops] Who, me?
MINNIE: Yes, you! Stop annoying me?
MAN: But I wasn’t even looking at you!
MINNIE: I know, and it’s really annoying.
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