Goldilocks And The Three Bears Version 1


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A very funny take on the Goldilocks story. The Royal Family of Beargonia have been turned into bears by an evil witch called Zelda and spend their lives foraging for food in the woods. Fairy Good can’t undo the spell, but gives them a magic cooking pot, which will provide them with whatever food they wish for. Although all the ever seem to wish for, is porridge.

Zelda learns about the magic pot and is determined to get her hands on it to make a spell powerful enough to take over the whole world.

Meanwhile, Professor Stein is trying to capture the bears for scientific purposes. The bears are also tracked by a dogged police officer who is searching for the missing royal family. The bears eventually end up hiding in Dame Dolly Dumpling’s house, which leads to some very funny moments.


12 principals, plus a chorus and a pantomime cow.


All our scripts have a runtime of approximately 2hrs (not including any interval) but this is very dependent on your own production and can be edited by yourselves to suit your own needs.


Our pantomimes all come with a full, suggested songs, music cues and SFX list.


Traditional British pantomime, incorporating visual comedy, slapstick and audience participation.

Free Sample




Buttercup The Cow
Dancers; Villagers; Schoolchildren; Brownies; Spooks; etc.



Music cue 14: Chorus. After song ends…Exit Chorus.

Enter Dolly, Goldilocks, Roger and The Three Bears [SR]

DOLLY: Welcome to my humble abode.

M. BEAR: It’s very good of you to let us stay with you Dolly.

B. BEAR: Helga will never find us here.

SFX: Door knocking.

F. BEAR: Maybe you spoke too soon Teddy.

DOLLY: Go and hide upstairs bears!

Exit Bears [SL]

GOLDILOCKS: I’ll see who it is. [exits SR and returns with Professor Stein]

ROGER: Professor Stein!

PROFESSOR: Where are ze talking bears?

DOLLY: [innocently] Talking bears, professor?

PROFESSOR: I know zey are here.

GOLDILOCKS: Who told you that?

Music cue 15: Enter Fairy Wanda [SR]

FAIRY: I did.

DOLLY: Who are you?

FAIRY: I’m Fairy Wanda.

PROFESSOR: She is a charlatan, there are no such things as fairies!

FAIRY: Of course I’m a Fairy see, I’ve got the outfit, the wand, the magic words.

ROGER: And what are these magic words?

FAIRY: They’re…no, don’t tell me. It’s ‘bangers and…’ oh, me and my memory. It’s a good job I have my backup. What are the magic words, boys and girls? ‘Bangers and mash,’ that’s it! Thank you!

DOLLY: All right the bears are here, but nobody must know.


GOLDILOCKS: Because an evil witch is after their magic cooking pot and will stop at nothing to get it.

PROFESSOR: There’s no such things as fairies, witches or magic pots! But I vould like to meet these talking bears, purely in the interests of science of course.

DOLLY: [shouts] Come downstairs bears!

Enter F. Bear and M. Bear [SL]

F. BEAR: Professor Stein I presume?

PROFESSOR: [ecstatic] At last I have found ze talking bears!

M. BEAR: And if you found us then so might Helga.

F. BEAR: And we’ll need more than bangers and mash to beat her.

GOLDILOCKS: Why don’t we ask the villagers to help us?

ROGER: Come on everybody, let’s go and tell them what Helga’s been up to.

M. BEAR: What about Teddy? He’s fast asleep upstairs.

DOLLY: I’ll mind him, and I’ll have a big pot of porridge ready for when you return.

ROGER: Follow me everyone!

Exit all the others [SR] leaving Dolly alone onstage.

DOLLY: I’ve just remembered, I don’t know how to make porridge.

SFX: Door knocking.

Enter Ant and Dec [SR]

DOLLY: Come in why don’t you!?

ANT: I beg your pardon Miss, but is your mother in the house?

DOLLY: I hope not she’s been dead ten years, can I help you?

DEC: Hold on. [produces a tub of butter and a knife, and proceeds to butter Dolly all over]

DOLLY: ‘Ere what’s your game!?

ANT: [pulls Dec aside] What do you think you’re doing, Dec?

DEC: I’m buttering her up like Helga said.

ANT: She meant, flatter her you idiot! [to Dolly] I’m sorry about that madam, my colleague suffers from a rare affliction of the brain.

DOLLY: And what’s that then?

ANT: He doesn’t have one.

DEC: Dame Dolly, you have the grace of a dancer!

ANT: [aside] A clog dancer.

DEC: The body of a model!

ANT: [aside] A model bus.

DEC: And the looks of a film star!

ANT: [aside] Shrek.

DOLLY: That’s all very flattering, also true, but I can’t stand here all day listening to you telling me how wonderful I am. I have a pot of porridge to make.

DEC: Oooh! We love porridge, don’t we Ant?

ANT: Yeah!

DOLLY: I don’t suppose you know how to make it, do you?

DEC: We certainly do!

DOLLY: So, what do I need then?

ANT: One moment. [takes Dec aside] Do you remember how mam used to make our porridge every morning?

DEC: Yeah, she got some stuff out of a box.

ANT: I know that you idiot, but can you remember what it said on the box?

DEC: Ready something.

ANT: ‘Ready steady go’?

DEC: No, it wasn’t that.

ANT: ‘Ready or not here I come’?

DEC: No, it wasn’t that either.

ANT: ‘Ready-mixed concrete’?

DEC: No, but it used to set like concrete.

ANT: That’s true, even her fairy cakes were like bricks.

DEC: Bricks! That’s it! It said, Ready Brix on the packet!

DOLLY: Well?

ANT: We need some bricks!

DOLLY: I’ll hit you with one in a minute! I don’t believe you know how to make porridge at all.

DEC: Yes, we do, but it might jog our memory if we could look at a recipe book.

DOLLY: [grabs a cookbook] Here we are, Delia Smith’s, ‘Cooking Porridge For Dummies.’ Let’s see now. [opens book] ‘First, go into a field and sow your wild oats.’ I’ve already done that. [reads] ‘Then wait five months for it to grow.’ I can’t wait that long, I’d better skip forward. [flips pages] Here we are. ‘Take one large box of oats and a bucket of milk.’ You two fetch some oats and milk from the pantry…[pointing SL]…over there.