Dick Whittington Version 2

SCENE ONE

OLD LONDON TOWN

Fitzwarren’s shop is [USL] Music Cue 3: Chorus. After song ends…Exit Chorus [SR]

Enter Jack [SL]

JACK: Hiya boys and girls, I’m Jack! I work in Mr Fitzwarren’s shop and I’m madly in love with his daughter, Alice. I asked her if she’d go out with me, and she said, when pigs fly. So now I’m just waiting for genetic engineering to catch up. I like taking regular naps in the stockroom, but when I’m asleep I always snore. So, if you hear me snoring I want you all to shout, wake up Jack, then I’ll wake up and won’t get found out. And whenever I come on I’ll shout, wakey wakey, to wake any of you that’s fallen asleep. [laughs] Only kidding, the script’s not that bad. I’ll just shout hiya boys and girls, and you can shout back hi Jack! Let’s have a practice then. Wakey wakey! It’s lucky we’re not on a plane, isn’t it.[yawns] I’m off for a nap, see you all later. [exits inside]

Enter Alice from shop.

ALICE: Hello everybody! Welcome to old London town. I’m Alice Fitzwarren, and you’ve picked a lovely day to drop by. The sun is shining and everybody’s happy, despite the ongoing rat problem. My father is just inside his shop, finalising a cargo of jellied eels ready to deliver to the Sultan of Morocco. It seems he developed a taste for them after visiting the 2012 Olympics.

Enter Alderman Fitzwarren from shop.

FITZWARREN: Good morning, Alice!

ALICE: Good morning father, Is everything ready for tomorrow’s voyage?

FITZWARREN: I’m afraid not Alice.

ALICE: How come?

FITZWARREN: I haven’t had any replies to my advert for sailors to crew my ship.

ALICE: That’s strange, London Docks are usually full of sailors looking to get off.

FITZWARREN: If we don’t have a crew by tomorrow, I’ll have to cancel our trip.

ALICE: But you said this trip would be make or break for Fitzwarren’s Stores.

FITZWARREN: It’s true. The Sultan’s order will help make up for what the rats have cost me in lost stock. If only we could get rid of them for good.

ALICE: Why don’t you ask Jack to buy stronger rat poison?

FITZWARREN: I would if I could ever manage to find him.

ALICE: Have you checked in the stockroom?

FITZWARREN: Yes, and he wasn’t there.

ALICE: Did you listen out for snoring?

FITZWARREN: Yes, but all I heard were rats squeaking.

ALICE: Come on father, I’ll help you look for him.

FITZWARREN: Thanks Alice.

Exit Fitzwarren and Alice into shop.

Enter Dick and Puss [SL]

DICK: Here we are at last Puss, in the city where the streets are paved with gold.

PUSS: I thought this was London, not Eldorado.

Enter Chorus Member [SR]

DICK: Pardon me, but where I can find the nearest street paved with gold?

CHORUS M: Are you serious mate?

DICK: Yes, I can’t wait to dig some up and get rich.

CHORUS M: You’ll have a bloomin’ long wait.

DICK: What do you mean?

CHORUS M: The streets of London aren’t paved with gold!

DICK: They aren’t!?

CHORUS M: Of course not, you numpty! [exits laughing]

DICK: I feel stupid for believing all those Facebook posts now, Puss.

PUSS: I did try warning you.

DICK: Come on Puss, we’re heading straight back to Gloucester.

PUSS: Suits me master.

They turn to exit [SL]

Music cue 4: Enter Bowbells [SR] dings wand. Music cue 5: Dick and Puss freeze.

BOWBELLS: Dick Whittington, we all believe in you,

Not myth or fiction, your tale is true.

Please stay here and don’t get down,

And you’ll become Mayor of London town. [dings wand Music cue 6: exits]

Dick and Puss unfreeze.

DICK: On second thoughts Puss, I think I’ll stay here and look for a job instead.

PUSS: That was a quick U-turn!

DICK: [produces a mobile] I’ll just check my Job Search app and see what’s available. [taps screen]

PUSS: I’m hungry. I’ll scrounge some food from that shop there, nobody can resist a cute little pussy. [meows outside shop]

Enter Alice from shop.

ALICE: Hello Puss! My, aren’t you a cutie! Where’s your master? [Puss goes to speak] I think I can see him. [to Dick] Excuse me, but is this your cat?

Dick and Alice come face-to-face and are instantly smitten.

SFX: Bells chime.

DICK: Why Miss, is he bothering you in any way whatsoever?

ALICE: No, but I think he might be hungry.

PUSS: Ravenous would be a better description.

ALICE: [to Dick] You said that without moving your lips.

DICK: That wasn’t me, that was my cat.

ALICE: [laughs] A talking cat? You’d have to be crazy to believe in a talking cat!

DICK: [laughs] Yeah you would. No, I was actually practicing my ventriloquist act.

ALICE: I must say you’re very good at it.

DICK: [Puss goes to speak, but Dick covers his mouth] No, Puss is just a normal non-speaking cat, nothing special about him whatsoever.

PUSS: [sarcastic] Meow! [moves away in a huff]

DICK: What’s your name if you don’t mind me asking?

ALICE: I’m Alice Fitzwarren, and this is my father’s shop.

DICK: Pleased to meet you Alice, I’m Dick and I’ve just arrived from Gloucester.

ALICE: And what brings you to London Dick?

DICK: I’ve come here to make my fortune.

ALICE: You wouldn’t believe the amount of people who come here, expecting to find the streets paved with gold. Can you imagine anybody being that stupid?

DICK: [covering] Hah! They’d have to be pretty stupid, wouldn’t they?

PUSS: Almost as stupid as somebody who believes in talking cats.