Dick Whittington Version 2

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Description

Synopsis:

Believing that the streets of London are paved with gold. Dick Whittington, a poor farm boy from Gloucester, heads there to seek his fortune. Accompanied by his well-educated cat. He finds work with Alderman Fitzwarren and falls in love with his daughter, Alice. However, King Rat throws a spanner in the works and Dick is run out of London as a thief. But vows to to clear his name and return for Alice.

Roles:

10 principals plus several minor cameo and speaking roles and a chorus.

Runtime:

All of our scripts have a runtime of approx 120 minutes, assuming that you use the full number of suggested musical numbers and not including any interval. But this is very dependent on your own production and can be edited by yourselves to suit.

Music:

All of our pantomimes come with a full, suggested songs and music cues and SFX list.

Style:

Traditional British pantomime, incorporating visual comedy, slapstick and audience participation.

Free Sample

Characters

Alderman Fitzwarren
Alice Fitzwarren
Sarah
Dick Whittington
Idle Jack
Captain Cod
Bosun Chips
Puss
King Rat
Fairy Bowbelles

Chorus /Minor Roles

Sultan of Morocco
Wazir
Count Dracula
Londoners, Sailors, Guards, Beachgoers, Harem Girls, etc.

Scene One

Old London Town


Alderman Fitzwarren’s shop is (USL) Music Cue 3: Song Alice and Londoners. After song ends…Alice moves (CS) and all form around her.

Alice

(to audience) Hello everybody! Welcome to old London town. I’m Alice Fitzwarren, and these…(indicates Chorus)…are all my friends. (Chorus wave and say hello) Well what a wonderful day for you to drop by. The sun is shining and everybody’s happy.

Chorus 1

Is it true you’re sailing to Morocco tomorrow, Alice?

Alice

Yes. Father’s delivering several hundredweight of jellied eels to the Sultan’s palace. It seems the Sultan developed a taste for them, after visiting the London Olympics.

Alderman Fitzwarren enters (SL)

Fitzwarren

Good morning Alice.

Alice

Good morning Father. Is everything ready for tomorrow’s voyage?

Fitzwarren

I’m afraid not, Alice. So far, I’ve had no replies to my advert for sailors. And we can’t sail without a crew. Now have you seen Jack this morning?

Alice

No father.

Chorus 2

He’s probably skiving off somewhere.

Chorus 3

He’s not called ‘Idle’ Jack for nothing.

Chorus laugh.

Alice

(to Fitzwarren) Are you leaving him in charge of the shop while we’re away, father?

Fitzwarren

Not after what happened the last time I left him in charge. I told him to reduce eggs by 50% to clear, and what did he do?

Alice

Threw half of them in the bin.

Fitzwarren

Exactly. No, I want him to go and buy some stronger rat poison.

Alice

Don’t tell me the rats are still managing to get inside the shop?

Fitzwarren

Yes, and I’m at my wits ends trying to figure out how to stop them.

Alice

Come on father, I’ll help you look for Jack.

Alice and Fitzwarren exit into shop.

Dick Whittington and Puss enter (SL)

Dick

London at last, Puss!

Puss

(dismissive) Big deal.

Dick

Aren’t you excited to be here, Puss?

Puss

Not really. Beats me why you wanted to come here anyway. I mean, what do they have in London that we don’t have back in Gloucester?

Dick

Well for a start, the streets here are paved with gold.

Puss

So you keep saying. Personally, I’m not convinced.

Dick

(to Chorus) Excuse me, but where I can find the nearest street paved with gold?

Chorus 4

You’re not from round here are you?

Dick

No, I’m from Gloucester.

Chorus 5

That explains it then.

Dick

Explains what?

Chorus

Well if you were from round here, you’d know that the streets of London aren’t paved with gold.

Dick

(shocked) They aren’t?

Chorus 1

Of course not, you wally!

Chorus exit laughing.

Dick

(crestfallen) I feel really stupid for having believed all those stories, now. I’ve left my family and friends to come here to make my fortune, and now I’ll have to return home with my tail between my legs.

Puss

Personally, I’ll be swinging mine. (twirls his tail around)

Dick

Come on Puss, let’s go back to Gloucester.

Puss

With pleasure, master.

They turn to exit (SL) but Bowbelles enters (SR) Music cue 4: and dings her wand to freeze them.

Bowbelles

Dick Whittington we all believe in you,

Not myth or fiction, your tale is true.

Stay here Dick and don’t get down,

And you’ll become Mayor of London town. (waves her wand and exits)

Dick and Puss unfreeze.

Dick

(turns) On second thoughts puss, I think I’ll stay here and look for a job instead.

Puss

Blimey! That was a quicker U-turn than a Lib-Dem politician!

Dick

(produces a mobile phone) I’ll just check on my Job Search app. (taps on screen)

Puss

(to audience) This could take a while, and I’m hungry. I’ll see if I can scrounge some food from that shop over there. Well nobody can resist a cute little pussycat, can they?  I’d better not speak, though. Not many people have met a talking cat, and I don’t want to freak the owner out. (goes over and meows outside the shop door)

Alice enters from the shop.

Alice

(to Puss) Hello there. My, what a pretty puss you are. Where’s your master?

Puss points to Dick.

Alice

(goes over to Dick) Excuse me, but is this your cat?

Dick and Alice face each other and both are instantly smitten.

SFX: Bell chimes.

Dick

Yes, it is. Why? Is he bothering you in any way?

Alice

No, but I think he might be hungry.

Puss

(holding his tummy) ‘Ravenous’ would be a better description.

Alice

(to Dick) You said that without moving your lips.

Dick

Oh that wasn’t me, it was my cat.

Alice

(laughs) A talking cat? Why that’s absurd! Anybody who believes in talking cats, would have to be crazy.

Dick

(laughs and covers up) Yeah…ha! Talking cats…as if…

Puss

…Excuse me…! (Dick clamps a hand over Puss’s mouth)

Dick

No, that was me doing my ventriloquist act. (acts) Gottle of geer. Gread and gutter. Puss here is just a normal cat…nothing special. And he definitely doesn’t talk. (Puss moves away in a huff) So what’s your name? If you don’t mind me asking.

Alice

It’s ‘Alice’.

Dick

Hi Alice, I’m Dick. And I’ve come here all the way from Gloucester.

Alice

Pleased to meet you Dick. And what brings you to London?

Dick

I’ve come here to seek my fortune.

Alice

Well I’m glad you haven’t asked which streets in London, are paved with gold. Ever since somebody posted it on Twitter, we’ve had lots of gullible people arriving looking for gold. Can you imagine anybody being stupid enough to believe that ridiculous story?

Dick

(bluffing) Ha! They’d have to be pretty thick, wouldn’t they? I’d never believe anything as ridiculous as that. (to Puss) Would I Puss?

Puss

Of course not. (dryly) Why, it’s almost as silly as believing in talking cats.

Alice

You don’t have to keep on throwing your voice, Dick.

Puss

(tired of the pretence) He didn’t.

Alice

(to Dick) I could’ve sworn your cat spoke just then.

Puss

(to Alice) Watch my lips, dear. (slowly) I…am…a…talking…cat!

Alice

(startled) My goodness! It’s a talking cat!

Puss

(to audience) I think the penny’s finally dropped.

Dick

(to Alice) Yes, sorry about earlier. But he really can talk. (wryly) In fact he hardly ever stops. I just pretended it was me, because I didn’t want you thinking I was a looney.

Alice

Well now I’m the one who feels foolish.

Dick

And I really did believe the streets of London were paved in gold, so that makes us even I suppose. But now I’m stuck here with no job, no money and nowhere to live.

Alice

I could try and get you a job in my Father’s shop, if you like.

Dick

You’d do that for me?

Alice

Yes, Dick. And if your cat’s any good at catching rats, father will be pleased. Our shop is overrun with rats.

Dick

Puss will sort out your rat problem in no time at all. (to Puss) Won’t you Puss?

Puss

Yes, well I’ll think about it.

Alice

Come with me, Dick.

All exit (SR)

Idle Jack walks on (SL) yawning and scratching his head.

Jack

(to audience) Hiya boys and girls! I’m Jack, and I work for Alderman Fitzwarren…well sometimes. And every morning before starting work, I always have a little snooze in the stockroom. Well wouldn’t you have an extra forty winks if you had the chance? (audience respond) You would? In that case, you’re all just as lazy as me. ‘Ere, will you do something for me? (audience respond) That’s very brave of you, seeing as you don’t know what I’m going to ask you. Anyway, Mr Fitzwarren said if he ever caught me sleeping on the job again, he’d sack me. And I’ve been told that whenever I’m asleep, I sometimes snore really loud. So if you ever hear me snoring, I want you all to shout as loud as you can ‘wake up Jack’! Will you do that? (audience respond) Thanks. That way I’ll wake up and won’t get found out. And every time I come on I’ll shout ‘hiya gang’ to wake up any of you that’s fallen asleep. And judging by this script, that could be quite a few of you.  And you can shout back ‘hiya jack’! Let’s have a practice then. (usual routine until…) That’s brilliant! And guess who else works here. Only the most beautiful girl in London, Alice Fitzwarren. (in a daze) Yesterday I asked her if she’d consider going out with me, and she said ‘yes, when hell freezes over’. So now I’m just waiting for a really cold snap. (yawns) Right then, I’m just off for my pre-work snooze. See you all later! (exits SL)

Music cue 5: Sarah enters (SR) carrying a small basket.

Sarah
(to audience) Hello everybody! My name’s Sarah, and I’m Alderman Fitzwarren’s cook. Now every time I come on I’ll shout ‘hello everybody’ and I want all the posh ones amongst you to reply…(posh voice)…‘hello Sarah’ and all the common ones amongst to shout…(common voice)…‘wotcha cock’! Okay? (audience respond) Let’s try it then. (loudly) Hello everybody! (audience respond) You’re a lot more common than I thought. Oh, it’s been one of those mornings you know.  I was in town doing my weekly shop, when this big burly bloke ambushed me in the back ally and said, ‘give me all your money’!  I told him I didn’t have any money on me, and he said ‘I don’t believe you and I’m going to search you all over’. Well I thought ‘I’ve got half an hour to spare’, so I said ‘carry on’. And he did. Oh, and he was thorough. After a while he stopped and said ‘all right, I believe you’. I said ‘keep searching and I’ll write you out a cheque’. (showing her basket) Now I’ve just been shopping for the Alderman’s dinner, but I got a bit carried away and bought lots of sweeties as well. I can’t possibly eat them all myself ‘cos I’m watching my figure, and I was wondering if anybody would like some. (audience responds and she throws sweets out)

Music cue 6: Captain Cod and Bosun Chips enter (SL)

Captain

Excuse me madam.

Sarah

Yes?

Captain

(indicating himself and Bosun Chips) We’re seafarers, and we were just wondering if you could do us a small favour.

Sarah

Well I have been known to do favours for sailors. Now how can I help you?

Bosun

Do you know the way to Fitzwarren’s Store?

Sarah

Well I ought to, seeing as I work there.

Captain

(indicating himself & Bosun Chips) I’m Captain Cod, and this is Bosun Chips.

Sarah

Cod and Chips, eh? Well how about wrapping this up, and telling me what you want.

Bosun

We’re responding to your ad.

Sarah

(to audience) At last! Someone’s answered my Lonely Hearts ad! (to Captain & Bosun) Well as you can see, I’m even more gorgeous than the ad said. My hobbies are cooking and naturism. Although combining the two, can be a bit hair-raising.

Bosun

No, no! (takes out newspaper ad and shows it to her) He means this ad here!

Sarah

That’s Mr Fitzwarren’s ad, for sailors.

Captain

That’s right.

Sarah

Oh, what a disappointment.

Bosun

Don’t say he’s already got a full crew.

Sarah

No, I was thinking of something else entirely. Now I must warn you, Alderman Fitzwarren will only have trustworthy people aboard his ship.

Bosun

We’re trustworthy.

Sarah

So if you were to tell you a secret, you wouldn’t repeat it to anyone?

Captain

Cover me in batter and deep fry me, if I repeat it to a single soul.

Sarah

Well, most people think I’m no older than twenty-five. But really I’m…(whispers)

Captain

(exclaims) Forty-two! (or whatever age is appropriate)

Sarah

I thought you said you wouldn’t tell a single soul?

Bosun

He didn’t tell a single soul. (indicating audience) He told a crowd of them.

Sarah

Well as it happens, I was just testing you out. That isn’t my real age at all.

Captain

How old are you then?

Sarah

Old enough to spot an idiot when I see one.

Bosun

(to Sarah) Now about the ad?

Sarah

Forget it. Mr Fitzwarren won’t want blabbermouths like you aboard his ship.

Fitzwarren enters from the shop.

Fitzwarren

There you are, Sarah. Have you seen Jack anywhere?

Sarah

No I haven’t, Mr Fitzwarren.

Captain

(to Fitzwarren) Are you Alderman Fitzwarren?

Fitzwarren

Yes, I am. Can I help you?

Bosun

(pointing at shop sign) It was right under our noses all the time, Captain!

Sarah

(aside to audience) Remind me never to sail on any ship he captain’s.

Captain    

(to Fitzwarren) I hear you is looking for a ship’s crew.

Fitzwarren
I am indeed.

Captain

Then look no further. I’m Captain Cod, and this is Bosun Chips. And we’ll happily crew your ship.

Sarah

He’ll need more than two crew.

Fitzwarren

Well it’s a start. I’m just puzzled as to why we haven’t had more sailors applying.

Bosun

That’s probably due to the name of your ship.

Sarah

I did warn you against hiring a ship called ‘The Leaky Tub’.

Fitzwarren

It’s all they had left. (to Captain) Isn’t there anything that might persuade sailors to join my ship?

Captain

Well maybe if we had a beautiful woman aboard.

Sarah

(preens) It’s funny you should mention that, because I’m ship’s cook for the voyage.

Bosun

I’m not sure I want to go now, Captain.

Captain

Why not, Bosun?

Bosun

Well we both like our grub, and we don’t know if her cooking’s up to standard.

Fitzwarren

Actually, Sarah is head cook for Fitzwarren’s famous shop café.

Sarah

Have either of you tried my spotted dick?

Captain

No, we haven’t had the pleasure.

Sarah

Well I’m sure we can soon rectify that on the voyage.

Bosun

I don’t want anything ‘rectifying’, thank you!

Captain

(to Fitzwarren) I just need to check your ship over, to make sure we have everything required for a long voyage.

Bosun

The hard job will be persuading more sailors to join us. (aside to audience indicating Sarah) Especially now she’s aboard.

Fitzwarren

(to Captain) You’ll find ‘The Leaky Tub’ moored down at the docks, Captain. Meanwhile, I’ll see if I can get some more crew from an employment agency.

Captain

Very good Alderman. (to Bosun) Come along Bosun.

Captain and Bosun exit (SL)

Fitzwarren

(to Sarah) I only hope I can persuade enough crew to join our ship.

Sarah

Don’t worry, Alderman. Once word gets out that I’m sailing with you. You’ll have sailors queuing up to climb aboard. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to put this shopping away. (exits inside shop)

Fitzwarren

And I’d better carry on trying to find Jack. (to audience) Cheerio for now, and do come and visit my shop sometime. (exits DSR)