Dick Whittington Version 2



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Believing that the streets of London are paved with gold. Dick Whittington, a poor farm boy from Gloucester, heads there to seek his fortune. Accompanied by his well-educated cat. He finds work with Alderman Fitzwarren and falls in love with his daughter, Alice. However, King Rat throws a spanner in the works and Dick is run out of London as a thief. But vows to to clear his name and return for Alice.


10 principals plus several minor cameo and speaking roles and a chorus.


All of our scripts have a runtime of under 2hrs (not including any interval) But this is very dependent on your own production and can be edited by yourselves to suit your own needs.


All of our pantomimes come with a full, suggested songs and music cues and SFX list.


Traditional British pantomime, incorporating visual comedy, slapstick and audience participation.

Free Sample


Dick Whittington
Alice Fitzwarren
Idle Jack
Alderman Fitzwarren
Captain Cod
Bosun Chips
King Rat
Fairy Bowbelles

Chorus /Minor Roles

Londoners; Sailors; Guards; Harem Girls; etc.

Scene One

London Town

Fitzwarren’s shop is (USL) Music Cue 3: Chorus. After song …Exit Chorus (SR)

Enter Jack (SL)

JACK: Hiya boys and girls! I’m Jack, and I work right here in Fitzwarren’s shop. Every morning before starting work, I have a little snooze in the stockroom. But if Fitzwarren ever caught me sleeping on the job, he’d sack me. Now, whenever I’m asleep I usually snore loudly. So if you ever hear me snoring, I want you all to shout, wake up Jack! Then I’ll wake up and won’t get sacked. Will you do that? Thanks. And whenever I come on, I’ll shout, hiya gang! To wake any of you that’s fallen asleep. And judging by this script, that might be quite a few. And you can shout back hiya jack! Let’s have a practice then. Hiya gang! That’s brilliant! I’ll let you into a little secret. I’m in love with Fitzwarren’s beautiful daughter, Alice. I once asked if she’d consider going out with me, and she said, when hell freezes over. Now I’m just waiting for a really cold snap. (yawns) I’m off for a little snooze. See you all later! (exits into shop)

Enter Alice (SR)

ALICE: Hello everybody! Welcome to London town. I’m Alice Fitzwarren, and you’ve picked a wonderful day to drop by. The sun is shining and everybody’s happy, despite the ongoing rat problem. That’s my father’s shop there –and he’s busy getting ready to deliver a cargo of jellied eels to the Sultan of Morocco. It appears the Sultan developed a taste for them after visiting the London last year.

Enter Alderman Fitzwarren (SL)

FITZWARREN: Good morning Alice!

ALICE: Good morning Father! Is everything ready for tomorrow’s voyage?

FITZWARREN: I’m afraid not Alice.

ALICE: Why –whatever’s the matter?

FITZWARREN: I’ve still had no replies to my advert for sailors to crew my ship.

ALICE: That’s strange. London Docks are usually full of sailors after a ship.

FITZWARREN: If we don’t have a crew by tomorrow, I’ll have to cancel our trip.

ALICE: But you said this trip would be make or break for Fitzwarren’s Stores.

FITZWARREN: It’s true. The Sultan’s order for jellied eels will make up for what the rats have cost me in lost stock.

ALICE: If only there were a way, we could get rid of them for good.

FITZWARREN: If they carry on like this, I’ll soon be bankrupt.

ALICE: Shall I tell Jack to buy some more rat poison?

FITZWARREN:If you can manage to find him, Alice.

ALICE: Did you check in the stockroom?

FITZWARREN: Yes, and he wasn’t there. I’ll ask Sally if she’s seen him. (exits into shop)

ALICE: Father’s at his wits end with those rats. If only there was something I could do to help. I’ll check the stockroom again and listen out for any snoring. See you all later. (exits into shop)

Enter Dick and Puss (SL)

DICK: London at last, Puss.

PUSS: (uninterested) Big deal, master.

DICK: Aren’t you excited to be in the city where the streets are paved with gold?

PUSS: So you keep saying. Personally, I’m not convinced.

Enter Chorus Member (SR)

DICK: (to Chorus. M) Pardon me, but where I can find the nearest street paved with gold?

CHORUS. M: Are you serious, or what?

DICK: Deadly serious. I can’t wait to dig some up and get rich.

CHORUS. M: You’ll have a long wait!

DICK: What do you mean?

CHORUS. M: The streets of London aren’t paved with gold!

DICK: They aren’t!?

CHORUS. M: Of course not, you numpty! (exits laughing)

DICK: I feel really stupid for believing all those Facebook stories now.

PUSS: You’re too gullible, that’s your trouble.

DICK: Come on Puss, we’re heading back to Gloucester.

PUSS: Suits me, master. I didn’t want to come here in the first place.

They turn to exit (SL)

Music cue 4: Enter Bowbells (SR) dings wand. Music cue 5: Dick and Puss freeze.

BOWBELLS: Dick Whittington we all believe in you,

Not myth or fiction, your tale is true.

Stay here and don’t get down,

And you’ll become Mayor of London town. (waves wand Music cue 6: and exits)

Dick and Puss unfreeze.

DICK: On second thoughts, Puss. I think I’ll stay here and look for a job instead.

PUSS: That was a quick U-turn!

DICK: (produces a mobile) I’ll just check on my Job Search app and see what’s available. (taps screen)

PUSS: I’m hungry. I’ll go and scrounge some food from that shop over there. Well, who can resist a cute little pussy? (meows outside shop door)

Enter Alice from the shop.

ALICE: Hello Puss! My, aren’t you the cutie! Where is your master? (Puss goes to speak) I think I can see him. (to Dick) Excuse me, but is this your cat?

Dick and Alice are instantly smitten with each another.

SFX: Bell chimes.

DICK: Yes, he is. Why –is he bothering you in any way whatsoever?

ALICE: No, but I think he might be hungry.

PUSS: Ravenous would be a better description.

ALICE: (to Dick) You said that without moving your lips.

DICK: That wasn’t me, that was my cat.

ALICE: (laughs) A talking cat? You’d have to be crazy to believe in a talking cat.

DICK: (laughs) Yeah! Talking cats…ha…as if. I was just practicing my ventriloquist act.

ALICE: I thought as much.

DICK: (Puss goes to speak, but Dick puts a hand over his mouth) No, Puss is just a normal non-speaking cat –nothing special about him.

PUSS: (sarcastic) Meow! (moves away in a huff)

DICK: What’s your name? If you don’t mind me asking.

ALICE: I’m Alice –and this is my father’s shop.

DICK: Pleased to meet you Alice. I’m Dick from Gloucester.

ALICE: And what brings you to London, Dick?

DICK: I’ve come to find a job and work hard.

ALICE: At least you’re not like those silly people who come here, expecting to find the streets to paved with gold.

DICK: People actually do that, do they?

ALICE: All the time. Can you imagine anybody being that stupid?

DICK: Ha! They’d have to be pretty thick, wouldn’t they?

PUSS: Almost as stupid as someone who believes in talking cats.

ALICE: You don’t have to keep throwing your voice, Dick.

PUSS: He didn’t.

ALICE: I could’ve sworn your cat spoke just then.

PUSS: Watch my lips, dear. (slowly) I – am – a – talking – cat!

ALICE: (startled) My goodness! It’s a talking cat!

PUSS: (to audience) I think the penny has finally dropped.

DICK: Yes, sorry about earlier. But he really can talk –he hardly ever stops.

ALICE: Then why did you pretend it was you?

DICK: I didn’t want you thinking I was crazy.

ALICE: I’m sorry about saying that.

DICK: I also believed the streets of London were paved with gold. So I guess I am stupid.

ALICE: Don’t beat yourself up Dick, we all make mistakes. I used to believe Instagram pictures were real, until I discovered Photoshop.

PUSS: I used to believe that nine out of ten cats preferred Whiskas.

DICK: I don’t suppose you know of any good jobs going, Alice?

ALICE: I could try and get you a job in my Father’s shop if you like.

DICK: You’d do that for me?

ALICE: Of course, Dick. What’s your cat like at catching rats?

PUSS: Why don’t you ask me?

ALICE: Sorry Puss, I forgot you can talk.

PUSS: I’ll let it ride this time.

DICK: Have you got a rat problem, Alice?

ALICE: You could say that –our shop is overrun with them.

DICK: Puss will sort out your rat problem in no time. Won’t you Puss?

PUSS: If the renumeration package is acceptable.

ALICE: I’m sure we can come to some agreement. Follow me.

Exit all into the shop.

Music cue 7: Enter Sally (SR) carrying a small basket.

SALLY: (to audience) Hello everybody! I’m Sally, Alderman Fitzwarren’s cook. Every time I come on, I’ll shout, hello everybody! And I want all the posh ones amongst you to reply…(posh voice)…hello Sally! And all the common ones can shout…(common voice)…’ello darlin’! Okay? Let’s try it shall we. Hello everybody! You’re a lot more common than I thought. It’s been one of those mornings you know. I was taking a short-cut to Tesco, when this big burly bloke ambushed me up a back ally and said, give me all your money! I said I didn’t have any money on me, and he said, I don’t believe you and I’m going to search you all over –and he did. Oh, and he was thorough. After a while he stopped and said, all right, I believe you. I said, keep searching and I’ll write you a cheque. But he left. Anyway, I got a bit carried away in Tesco, and bought lots of sweeties. I can’t eat them all myself because I’m watching my figure, and I was wondering if anybody would like some. (distributes sweets)

Music cue 8: Enter Captain Cod and Bosun Chips (SL)

CAPTAIN: Pardon us madam.

SALLY: Why, what have you done?

CAPTAIN: We were wondering if you could do us a small favour.

SALLY: I’m not averse to doing favours for sailors. What is it you want?

BOSUN: Well it’s not what you’re thinking, for a start.

CAPTAIN: How do you know what I was thinking?

BOSUN: It’s written all over your face.

SALLY: Is it!? (spits on her hand and rubs her face)

CAPTAIN: Do you know the way to Fitzwarren’s Store?

SALLY: (pointing) Didn’t you notice that big shop sign?

BOSUN: Sometimes you can’t see the wood for the trees, can you?

SALLY: Or maybe you just can’t read.

BOSUN: Of course, I can read!

SALLY: Not large shop signs, obviously.

CAPTAIN: Allow me to introduce myself. I’m Captain Cod.

BOSUN: And I’m Bosun Chips.

SALLY: You’re Cod and Chips!?

CAPTAIN: Yes, and we’re both seasoned sailors.

SALLY: I like my cod and chips well-seasoned.

BOSUN: We’ll take that as a condiment. (laughs)

SALLY: Then, how about wrapping up and getting to the point?

CAPTAIN: We’re responding to your ad.

SALLY: At last! An answer to my Lonely Hearts ad!

BOSUN: Dream on, love.

SALLY: Then what ad are you talking about?

CAPTAIN: The ad in this newspaper, asking for sailors.

SALLY: That’s Alderman Fitzwarren’s ad, and he will only employ trustworthy sailors.

BOSUN: We’re trustworthy sailors.

SALLY: So, if I told you a secret you wouldn’t repeat it to anybody?

CAPTAIN: Cover me in batter and deep fry me if I repeat it to a single soul.

BOSUN: What’s the secret, then?

SALLY: Most people think I’m twenty-five. But really, I’m…(whispers)

CAPTAIN: Fifty-two! (or whatever age)

SALLY: I thought you said you wouldn’t tell a single soul?

BOSUN: He didn’t tell a single soul. (indicating audience) He told dozens of them.

SALLY: Anyway, I was just testing you out. That isn’t my real age at all.

CAPTAIN: How old are you then?

SALLY: Old enough to spot an idiot when I see one.

Enter Fitzwarren from the shop.

FITZWARREN: There you are, Sally.

SALLY: Well, I’m not anywhere else, am I?

FITZWARREN: Have you seen Jack anywhere?

SALLY: No, Alderman Fitzwarren.

FITZWARREN: He’s harder to find than an honest politician.

CAPTAIN: Are you Alderman Fitzwarren?

SALLY: Weren’t you listening a second ago?

FITZWARREN: Yes – can I help you?

CAPTAIN: Do you still require sailors to crew your ship?

FITZWARREN: Indeed I do!

CAPTAIN: Then we’ll sign up for the whole voyage.

BOSUN: There and back again.

FITZWARREN: Well that’s two crew members, at least.

CAPTAIN: You mean, we’re the only ones to have answered your ad?

FITZWARREN: Yes, I can’t think why we haven’t had more.

BOSUN: Perhaps the name of your ship’s been putting them off.

FITZWARREN: Why –what’s wrong with the name?

CAPTAIN: Who wants to sail in a ship called, The Leaky Tub?

SALLY: I tried telling him, but he wouldn’t listen.

FITZWARREN: How can I persuade more sailors to join my ship, Captain?

CAPTAIN: I suggest you rename it for a start.

FITZWARREN: Fair enough. Now what shall I call it?

SALLY: You could always name it after me?

FITZWARREN: Sally Shufflebottom?

SALLY: No, you silly Alderman! The Saucy Sal?

BOSUN: That’s sounds like a good name for a leaky old tub.

SALLY: You’ll have sailors fighting to climb aboard me – I mean, The Saucy Sal.

CAPTAIN: It might also help if we had a beautiful woman aboard.

SALLY: There will be a beautiful woman aboard.

FITZWARREN: Will there?

SALLY: Yes, there will!

FITZWARREN: Who’s that then?

SALLY: Me! I’m the ship’s cook, remember?

BOSUN: I think I’ve changed my mind about signing on, Captain.

CAPTAIN: Why’s that, Bosun?

BOSUN: If her cooking’s anything like her face, we’ll starve.

SALLY: Cheek! I’m Fitzwarren’s Cafe’s head chef! Have you ever tried my famous spotted dick?

CAPTAIN: I can’t say we’ve had the pleasure.

SALLY: We can soon rectify that on the voyage.

BOSUN: I don’t want anything rectifying, thank you!

CAPTAIN: I’ll need to make sure you’re ship is shipshape, Alderman.

SALLY: All ships are shipshape, otherwise they wouldn’t be ships, would they?

BOSUN: The Captain means, seaworthy.

FITZWARREN: You’ll find her moored down at the docks, Captain.

CAPTAIN: Very good, Alderman.

FITZWARREN: And try and pick up some more sailors while you’re there.

SALLY: I can do that for you, Fitzy.

BOSUN: The only thing you’ll pick up are strange looks.

SALLY: And you’ll be picking yourself off the floor in a minute!

CAPTAIN: We’ll see what we can do, sir. Come along Bosun.

BOSUN: Aye-aye, Captain!

Exit Captain and Bosun (SL)

SALLY: I’d better put this shopping away. Bye, boys and girls! (exits into shop)

FITZWARREN: And I’ll carry on trying to find Jack. (to audience) Cheerio! And do come and visit my shop sometime. (exits SR)

JACK: Hiya gang! Somebody was snooping in the stockroom, and I had to cut my kip short. Now I need to find somewhere else to have the rest of my forty winks. And I know just the place. See you all later. (exits SL)