Dick Whittington Version 1

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SKU: DickwhittingtonV1FS Category:

Description

Synopsis:

King Rat plans to use his hordes of rats to bring London to its knees, before taking it over. But his plans are thrown into doubt, when our hero Dick Whittington, arrives in London and finds his loyal Puss.

Roles:

12 principals (some roles are doubled up) plus several minor speaking roles and a chorus.

Runtime:

All of our scripts have a runtime of under 2hrs (not including any interval) But this is very dependent on your own production and can be edited by yourselves to suit your own needs.

Music:

All of our pantomimes come with a full, suggested songs and music cues and SFX list.

Style:

Traditional British pantomime, incorporating visual comedy, slapstick and audience participation.

Free Sample

Characters

Dick Whittington
Alice Fitzwarren
Sally
Idle Jack
Alderman Fitzwarren
Captain Capsize/Sultan
Scupper/Pearl
Shovel/Leke
Spade/Mustafa
Fairy Bowbells
King Rat
Puss

Chorus /Minor Roles

Florabunda
Cabin Boy
Londoners; Sailors; Harem Girls; etc.

Scene One

Cheapside London

Fitzwarren’s shop is (USR) built with flats and has a practical door. Music cue 3: Alice and Chorus: After song ends…Chorus move (USC)

Enter Fitzwarren from shop.

ALICE: Good morning, father. And what a wonderful morning it is too.

FITZWARREN: How can you say that Alice when all of London is overrun with rats?

Enter a Rat at a run (SR) it chases a screaming Chorus off (SL)

FITZWARREN: You see, Alice? That’s just what I’m talking about.

ALICE: We mustn’t let them get us down, father. Otherwise, King Rat will have won.

FITZWARREN: His rats keep breaking into my store and eating us out of house and home.

ALICE: At least we’ll get a break from them when we sail for Morocco
tomorrow.

FITZWARREN: I’ve invested everything I have in this trip, Alice. The Sultan of Morocco has placed an order with us, for five hundred barrels of our finest treacle.

ALICE: Will it make you enough to retire on, father?

FITZWARREN: No, but it’ll see us through a sticky patch.

Enter Sally (SL) singing.

SALLY: ’Oh what a beautiful morning…’ Hello boys and girls! I’m Sally, Alderman Fitzwarren’s cook. What a crowd we have today. Something exciting must be about to happen. And it sure as heck isn’t this show. It must be the Lord Mayor’s parade. That, or Lady Godiva’s protesting against the council tax again. I don’t know how the brazen hussy gets away with it. Although she always manages to get a rebate. When I tried it everybody just laughed at my ass. Maybe I should’ve ridden on a horse instead.

FITZWARREN: I’ve been looking all over for you, Sally.

SALLY: Well now you’ve found me, what do you want?

FITZWARREN: I want to know what time we’re having breakfast?

SALLY: I don’t know what time you’re having yours, but I’ve already had mine.

ALICE: I didn’t see you having breakfast, Sally.

SALLY: That’s because I went to McDonalds for mine.

FITZWARREN: And now you’re here, you can make ours.

SALLY: I would, but the pantry’s empty I’m afraid.

ALICE: But I went shopping at Tesco only yesterday.

SALLY: Yes, and the rats went shopping last night.

FITZWARREN: Not again! And I’m starving!

SALLY: I could try making you something from what’s left. What would you like?

FITZWARREN: Two rashers of bacon burnt to a crisp. An egg boiled so hard you’d need a hacksaw to get the top off. A slice of blackened toast, and a cup of tea that tastes like sludge.

SALLY: I can’t make you a breakfast like that!

FITZWARREN: Why not? You managed it yesterday.

Enter a Rat at a run (SL) it crosses the stage and exits (SR)

SALLY: Can’t you set traps and poison for all these rats?

FITZWARREN: The traps don’t work, and we’ve run out of poison.

SALLY: Have you tried Boots?

FITZWARREN: I want to poison them, not kick them to death.

Enter Jack from shop with a small bag containing swimming trunks.

JACK: Eh-up! It’s like the line up for a spaghetti western.

ALICE: What do you mean, Jack?

JACK: (points to Alice, Fitzwarren and Sally) The good the bad and the ugly.

FITZWARREN: Have you packed my trunks ready for our trip to Morocco, Jack?

JACK: Yes, Mr Fitzwarren. (hands a small bag to Fitzwarren) Here they are.

FITZWARREN: (takes out swimming trunks) Swimming trunks! I meant my sea-trunks!

JACK: You can use them in the sea!

SALLY: It beats me why you ever employed him, Alderman.

FITZWARREN: You said you needed a short order cook!

SALLY: And look what I got – somebody with a short order brain.

FITZWARREN: If you want a job doing properly do it yourself! (exits SR)

ALICE: Can’t you do anything right, Jack?

JACK: I don’t know why everybody’s got it in for me. I work hard I do.

SALLY: Name one job you had before we employed you.

JACK: I used to be a lumberjack in the Sahara.

ALICE: But there aren’t any trees in the Sahara.

JACK: Not anymore, there aren’t! And before that I had a job making keyboards, until they sacked me.

SALLY: And why did they sack you?

JACK: They said I wasn’t putting in enough shifts.

SALLY: Nothing much has changed then.

JACK: But I got my own back on the foreman.

ALICE: What did you do, Jack?

JACK: When he fell asleep at lunchtime, I shaved his eyebrows off.

ALICE: I bet he was surprised when he woke up.

JACK: Yes, but you couldn’t tell. (to audience) Think about it.

SALLY: All right then – name one job you’ve done this week.

JACK: I put the holes in all those doughnuts you made yesterday.

SALLY: It’s what you used to put them in that worries me – it’s not hygienic!

JACK: I cleaned it first.

SALLY: Yes, but you still shouldn’t have used – a loo-brush handle.

JACK: You’re too fussy Sally.

SALLY: Fussy about food poisoning, yes. Now get inside and help me make a fresh batch. (starts shoving Jack off)

Exit Sally and Jack into shop.

ALICE: London used to be such a lovely happy place, before all the rats arrived. Father’s shop was prosperous – the streets were clean, and everybody was happy. I only wish things could go back to the way they were, before that horrible King Rat turned up.

Enter Jack from shop.

ALICE: That was quick, Jack! Are the doughnuts done already?

JACK: Almost – they just need the holes putting in.

SFX: Loud explosion.

SALLY & FITZWARREN: (screams off) Aaaah!

JACK: I think they’re in now.

SALLY: (shouts off) Jack!

ALICE: Sally doesn’t sound very happy.

JACK: I wouldn’t be happy if I had a face like hers. She looks like a bulldog that’s been licking nettles.

Enter Sally from shop bedraggled and covered in bits of dough.

SALLY: What did you put in that doughnut mix, Jack?

JACK: Gunpowder.

ALICE: Gunpowder!?

SALLY: Why on earth did you put gunpowder in the doughnut mix?

JACK: I thought it might blow holes in them while they cooked and save me a job.

SALLY: It blew holes all right, Jack. In the flaming kitchen walls!

ALICE: Is father all right?

SALLY: The last time I saw him, he was clinging to the ceiling light.

FITZWARREN: Aaaah!

SFX: Crashing sound.

SALLY: Well, he was.

ALICE: Father! (exits SR)

SALLY: That’s the last time I let you near my kitchen, Jack. What’s left of it.

JACK: There’s just no pleasing you, is there?

SALLY: There is something you can do to please me, Jack.

JACK: And what’s that?

SALLY: Stand still while I throttle you! (reaches for his neck)

JACK: Ohwerrr! (exits at a run SR with Sally in hot pursuit)

SALLY: Come back here, you useless good for nothing! (exits SR)

Enter Dick (SL) carrying a pack on a pole.

DICK: Hello everybody! I’m Dick Whittington, and I’ve walked all the way from Gloucester to seek my fortune in London, where the streets are paved with gold. I haven’t seen any yet, but I’m sure it won’t be long.

Enter Puss at a run (SL) chased by a group of Children.

CHILDREN: (variously) Clear off cat! Minging moggy! Filthy fleabag!

PUSS: (cowers) Meow!

DICK: Leave that poor cat alone! (chases Children off SL) Go on, clear off the lot of you! (goes to Puss, who backs away) It’s all right, I’m not going to hurt you. (strokes Puss who snuggles against him) What’s your name little fella?

PUSS: Meow!

DICK: Silly me – cats can’t speak, can they?

PUSS: (shakes head) Meow!

DICK: Then I’ll just call you Puss. Are you hungry Puss?

PUSS: (holds his tummy and nods) Meow!

DICK: Me too. But once I strike it rich, I’ll treat us both to a slap-up meal.

PUSS: Meow! (rubs his tummy and licks his lips)

Enter Shovel and Spade (SL) carrying a workman’s hole-guard and a spade.

SPADE: This looks like a good place to dig for it, Shovel.

SHOVEL: Let’s get cracking then, Spade. (sets the hole-guard down and opens it)

Spade starts digging behind it.

DICK: Excuse me, but what are you digging for?

SPADE: Why, gold of course!

DICK: So it’s true, then! The streets of London really are paved with gold?

SHOVEL: They certainly are.

DICK: If only I had a spade to start digging right away.

SPADE: You can borrow ours if you like.

DICK: That’s very kind of you. Oh, but won’t you need it?

SPADE: Nah! We’ve dug loads of holes already today, so we’re rich enough as it is.

SHOVEL: Here you are then. (hands the spade to Dick)

SPADE: You’ll also need this. (hands a paper plan to Dick)

DICK: What is it?

SPADE: It’s a hole plan.

DICK: Why do I need a hole plan?

SHOVEL: Well, half a plan’s no good, is it?

DICK: I suppose not.

SPADE: Now, the council have specified that all gold holes must be regulation size.

SHOVEL: It’s called, the gold standard.

SPADE: Just follow the measurements on that plan, and you won’t go wrong.

DICK: I must say, this is very generous of you.

SHOVEL: You’ll find that Londoners are a generous lot.

SPADE: We’ll pop back later and see how you’re getting on.

SHOVEL: Bye for now!

Shovel and Spade start to exit (SL)

DICK: Bye! Let’s start digging, Puss. (starts digging behind the hole-guard)

Dick digs with the spade and Puss digs with his paws.

Shovel and Spade stop near the wing and whisper.

SPADE: (to Shovel) That was a great idea of mine, to spread rumours about the streets of London being paved with gold.

SHOVEL: Yes, and with idiots like him around, we haven’t had to dig a hole in weeks.

Exit Shovel and Spade (SL)

DICK: (stops digging and mops brow) This digging certainly is hard work, Puss.

Enter Jack (SR)

JACK: (to Dick) What are you doing?

DICK: I’m digging for gold.

JACK: You are kidding me – right?

DICK: No, I’m not – honest! Am I Puss?

PUSS: (shakes head) Meow!

DICK: If you lend me a hand, I don’t mind sharing it with you.

JACK: No thanks – it looks too much like hard work to me.

DICK: Wouldn’t you like to get rich?

JACK: Only if I can do it laid down. Just watching you is tiring me out.

DICK: Okay, we’ll just carry on then. (continues digging)

Enter Sally, Alice and Fitzwarren from shop.

SALLY: I don’t believe it! They’re digging up the road again!

FITZWARREN: What is it this time? Gas? Electric? Broadband? Or just for the heck of it?

DICK: I’m digging for gold.

SALLY: (to audience) They really shouldn’t let them out on their own you know.

FITZWARREN: I’m Alderman Fitzwarren. This is my daughter Alice, and my cook, Sally. And what’s your name young man?

DICK: Dick!

SALLY: It suits you.

ALICE: Why did you stand there and watch him making a fool of himself, Jack?

JACK: I did think about watching some daytime telly, but this is more entertaining.

SALLY: Watching grass grow is more entertaining than daytime telly.

ALICE: If there really were gold underneath the streets, don’t you think we’d all be digging for it?

DICK: Maybe you’re rich enough as it is.

ALICE: Do I look rich to you?

DICK: Well…no. But you do look very pretty.

ALICE: (flattered) Thank you. But there really isn’t any gold here, Dick.

DICK: You mean to say, the streets of London aren’t paved with gold?

SALLY: Listen – Dick! The only thing the streets around here are paved with, is doggy-poo.

DICK: But I’ve walked all the way here from Gloucester, to seek my fortune.

JACK: Then you’ve walked a long way for nothing.

FITZWARREN: Who told you there was gold here anyway?

DICK: It was two council workers.

ALICE: Well, I’m afraid they were fibbing.

SALLY: (dryly) Fancy that – council workers fibbing.

DICK: I feel such a fool now.

FITZWARREN: You’d better fill that hole in. I don’t want any of my customers falling into it.

DICK: Yes, sir. (starts filling hole in)

Enter Shovel and Spade (SL)

DICK: (pointing at them) They’re the ones who told me about the gold!

ALICE: (to Shovel & Spade) You ought to be ashamed of yourselves, lying to poor Dick like that.

DICK: The streets of London aren’t paved with gold!

SHOVE & SPADE: (mock horror) No!

SPADE: Never mind, at least you’ve dug the hole for us.

SHOVEL: (looks over the hole-guard) He’s filled it in again!

SPADE: (to Dick) Why did you go and do that?

FITZWARREN: I made him do it.

SHOVEL: Why don’t mind your own business, Alderman?

FITZWARREN: If things carry on like they are, I might not have a business left to mind.

SALLY: Go and dig your dirty great holes somewhere else!

SPADE: Let’s go and find another gullible idiot, Shovel

Exit Shovel and Spade (SL) with the hole guard and spade.

DICK: I suppose I might as well go back to Gloucester, now.

ALICE: Must you, Dick?

DICK: Well, me and Puss have nowhere to stay and nothing to eat.

Enter a toy rat pulled across stage and Puss pounces on it.

JACK: Did you see that?

FITZWARREN: What a marvellous ratcatcher!

DICK: Puss has his supper – now that only leaves me.

ALICE: You’re not going to eat rats too, are you?

DICK: I might have to if I don’t find work soon.

FITZWARREN: I have a proposition for you, Dick.

DICK: What is it sir?

FITZWARREN: My shop is overrun with rats. But with your cat on the premises, they wouldn’t dare enter my store.

DICK: I’m sorry, but I can’t let you have Puss. He’s my dearest companion now.

FITZWARREN: Then I will employ you and your cat. I can’t pay any wages mind, but there’ll be a roof over your head and food on the table. Now, what do you say?

ALICE: Please say yes, Dick.

DICK: I accept your kind offer, sir.

FITZWARREN: Excellent!

ALICE: I hope you enjoy working here, Dick.

DICK: I’m sure I will, Alice.

FITZWARREN: You look like a man I can trust Dick.

DICK: Why thank you, sir.

FITZWARREN: We’re all sailing to Morocco tomorrow, and all the gold to pay for the trip is in a safe in my shop. I’d like you to sleep in the shop tonight and guard it.

DICK: You can rely on me, sir.

FITZWARREN: Good man. Come along Alice – let’s go and get packed ready for tomorrow.

ALICE: Yes, father. I’ll see you later, Dick.

DICK: I look forward to it, Alice.

Exit Alice and Fitzwarren into shop.

SALLY: Come inside Dick and I’ll fix you up a hot meal.

JACK: Whether it’s edible or not is another matter.

SALLY: Ignore him Dick. I’ve had numerous awards for my cooking.

JACK: Name one.

SALLY: My ring doughnuts have received commendations from Michelin.

JACK: Yes – Michelin Tyres!

SALLY: And I’m known throughout London for my roly-poly.

JACK: We’re not interested in your private life.

SALLY: I come from a long line of famous cooks.

JACK: They go all the way back to Lucrecia Borgia.

SALLY: At least my family worked for a living.

JACK: So, did mine!

SALLY: Oh, yes? And what did they do?

JACK: Dad was a printer, and mum was in the laundry business.

DICK: Are they still in business?

JACK: No – dad got done for printing money, and mum got done for laundering it.

SALLY: That sounds about right. Follow me, Dick.

Exit Sally and Dick into shop.

JACK: I think I’ll go and watch some daytime telly. Well, anything’s better than working, isn’t it? (exits into shop)