Dick Whittington And The Pirates


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Simple country boy Dick Whittington makes his way from his village in Gloucester, to the bright lights of London seeking his fortune. accompanied by Puss, his feline companion.

Dick soon discovers that the streets of London aren’t paved with gold, and instead ends up doing battle with the evil King Rat who intends to rule London with his hordes of rats.

King Rat frames Dick as a thief and he leaves London bound for Morocco. This battle between good and evil, eventually culminates in the Sultan of Morocco’s palace. Dick then returns a hero, marries Alice and becomes Mayor of London.


14 principals plus 2 cameo roles, and a chorus.


All our scripts have a runtime of approximately 2hrs (not including any interval) but this is very dependent on your own production and can be edited by yourselves to suit your own needs.


Our pantomimes all come with a full, suggested songs, music cues and SFX list.


Traditional British pantomime, incorporating visual comedy, slapstick and audience participation.

Free Sample




Chief Caraboo
Dancers; Londoners; Sailors; Islanders; Rats; etc.



Music cue 3: Chorus. After song ends…

Enter Dick and Puss [SR]

DICK: It’s been a long walk from Gloucester Puss, but we’re finally in London.

CHORUS 1: You’ve walked all the way here from Gloucester?

DICK: That’s right, and I’ve come to London to seek my fortune. [slaps thigh]

CHORUS 2: Got yourself a nice little job all lined up, have you?

DICK: No, because I won’t need one.

CHORUS 3: Then how do you expect to make your fortune?

DICK: I heard that the streets of London are paved with gold so, me and Puss will just help ourselves.

CHORUS 4: I think somebody’s been pulling your leg, Dick.

DICK: You mean the streets of London aren’t paved with gold?

CHORUS 5: The council can’t afford to fill potholes, never mind pave the streets with gold.

DICK: That scuppers all my plans then.

CHORUS 6: Fancy believing in something as ridiculous as that!

Exit Chorus [SR] laughing.

DICK: Come on Puss, we’re heading straight back to Gloucester.

PUSS: [holding his tummy] Meow!

DICK: I’m hungry too Puss, but I don’t have any money for food.

Enter a Rat [SL] it runs across stage and exits [SR] Puss runs after it.

DICK: Wait, Puss! [exits after Puss]

Enter Sally [SL]

SALLY: Hello boys and girls! I’m Sally Spagbol, and I’ve come down to London to visit my son Jack. He’s the only family I have left now that I’m a widow. I don’t miss my late husband though because he was dead mean. He once asked me what I’d like for my birthday, and I said nothing would make me happier than a diamond ring, so he bought me nothing. I’ll never forget his last words to me. He looked up at me and sighed, ‘Aaah.’ I had no idea I was standing on his oxygen line. I wonder what the men in London are like. Turn the hall lights up and let’s have a look. [hall lights rise] Ooooh! Turn them off again, they look better in the dark. [hall lights off] Now if you’ll excuse me I must go and find my Jack. See you all later! [exits SL]

Enter Jack [SR]

JACK: Hiya boys and girls! I’m Jack, but most people call me Idle Jack which I think is a bit unfair. I don’t mind coming into work it’s the eight hours waiting to go home I hate. I work at Alderman Fitzwarren’s shop, and I’m in charge of stock replenishment and display rotation, otherwise known as shelf-filling. It took me ages to learn how to work the new till, it just didn’t seem to register. We’ve started giving customers bags for life, which I find a bit weird. How do we know how long they’re going to live? Working in retail you learn there are two types of people in the world. Those who can read signs – and customers.

Enter Doris [SL]

DORIS: Hello Jack!

JACK: Hi Doris. [to audience] This is my girlfriend, Doris.

DORIS: But most people call me, Dozy Doris.

JACK: I didn’t know that Doris. When did people start calling you, Dozy?

DORIS: It was just after I started going out with you, Jack.

JACK: Just a coincidence obviously. DORIS: [peering out] It looks like we have a lot of tourists in today, Jack.

JACK: What’s your favourite London attraction, Doris?

DORIS: The London Eye.

JACK: A friend of mine took poorly on that this morning.

DORIS: And how are they now?

JACK: They’re coming round slowly. [laughs]

DORIS: Do you get many tourists in your shop, Jack?

JACK: Yes, and the other day one of them asked if I could tell them the way to Heathrow via Barking so, I pointed at a map and woofed.

DORIS: I used to be a tourist guide, and I kept them all amused by holding competitions.

JACK: Then why don’t we hold a competition with this lot Doris?

DORIS: That sounds like a great idea, Jack.

JACK: [to audience] Okay folks, it’s competition time! Whenever I shout ‘Ey-up, lads!’ I want all the boys to shout, ‘Ey-up Jack!

DORIS: And whenever I shout, ‘hiya girls!’ I want all the girls to shout, ‘hiya Doris!’

JACK: Let’s try it then. Ey-up, lads!

DORIS: Hiya girls!

JACK: Did the girls do it just then Doris?

DORIS: Yes Jack, but I couldn’t hear the boys.

JACK: We’ll do it again and prove that the boys were the loudest. Ey-up, lads!

DORIS: Hiya girls! I think that proves the girls were the loudest.

JACK: Oh no, they weren’t!

DORIS: Oh yes, they were!

JACK: Let’s just call it a draw and move on, Doris.

DORIS: Okay Jack.

Enter Sally [SL]

SALLY: Jack! My one and only offspring!

JACK: Mum! What are you doing down in London?

SALLY: I was worried about my little boy being all alone in the big city.

JACK: I’m fine mum, and I’m not alone.

SALLY: I can see that now Jack, aren’t you going to introduce me then?

JACK: Mum, this is my girlfriend Doris.

SALLY: Hello Doris, I’m Sally.

DORIS: Pleased to meet you, Sally.

SALLY: Did you manage to get yourself a nice job then, Jack?

JACK: Yes mum, and I work in a nice shop.

DORIS: And what do you sell?

JACK: All sorts.

SALLY: Oh, I love those. The round pink ones are my favourite.

JACK: Not Bassets Allsorts mum, we sell exotic goods.

SALLY: You work in Ann Summers!?

DORIS: It’s not that exotic, Sally.