Dick Turpin


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Dandy highwayman Dick Turpin travels to York pursued by Judge Mental and his Bow Street Runners, Hand and Cuff.

In York, Dick meets and falls in love with Maggie Micklegate who works at The Cock And Bull Inn, run by Doris Dolittle and her son Simon.

Dick reveals he has a pirate’s treasure map and offers to make them all rich.

Will Judge Mental get his hands on Dick, or will our hero evade capture. Read the script in full to find out.


11 principals and several smaller roles, plus some cameo’s a chorus and a pantomime horse.


All our scripts have a runtime of approximately 2hrs (not including any interval) but this is very dependent on your own production and can be edited by yourselves to suit your own needs.


Our pantomimes all come with a full, suggested songs, music cues and SFX list.


Traditional British pantomime, incorporating visual comedy, slapstick and audience participation.

Free Sample




Young Boy
Street beggars
Bess [Dick’s horse]
Villagers, Tavern Workers, Customers, etc.



Music cue 2: Chorus. After song ends…Exit Chorus [SR]

Enter Doris Dolittle [SL]

DORIS: Hello everybody! Okay, let’s see who’s letting the side down. Hello to all the girls! Hello to all the boys! It’s the men as usual, they’re always a let-down, eh girls? Will you all do me a little favour? Slide your bottoms back and forth like this. [demonstrates] Now move your back from side to side, like this. Thanks, the cleaners forgot to wipe the seats earlier. I’m Doris Dolittle and I run The Cock And Bull Inn with my son Simon. I used to run it with my husband until he died. It’s sadder than that! He didn’t leave me much after he died, although he left me plenty of times while he was alive. I wasn’t planning on having any kids with him, but then I figured I might need a kidney at some point in the future.

Enter Simon [SR] eating a sausage roll.

SIMON: This Gregg’s sausage roll’s lovely.

DORIS: You could’ve had one of ours for nothing Simon.

SIMON: I know mum, but this one’s meatless.

DORIS: Why are you eating a meatless sausage roll?

SIMON: I’ve decided to become a vegan

DORIS: Like Mr Spock?

SIMON: I said ‘vegan,’ mum, not Vulcan.

DORIS: Why have you turned vegan?

SIMON: I believe that eating meat is bad for the planet.

DORIS: Then don’t feed it any.

SIMON: Maybe we should serve meatless meals in our pub.

DORIS: Our meals are already meatless.

SIMON: What about our steak pies?

DORIS: Don’t stake your life on it.

SIMON: Our pork pies?

DORIS: Porky lies.

SIMON: Ham and mushroom pasty?

DORIS: There wasn’t mush-room for any ham.

SIMON: Veganism’s big business these days mum.

DORIS: Then maybe I’ll change to being vegan friendly.

SIMON: Just being friendly would make a change.

DORIS: I could make tofu pies and sell them tofu the price of one. [laughs]

SIMON: You’d also need to replace cow’s milk with a non-dairy alternative.

DORIS: Like what?

SIMON: Almond milk.

DORIS: Almond milk! That’s nuts!

SIMON: I wonder how they milk an almond.

DORIS: Your father tried milking something he couldn’t, and it ended in tragedy.

SIMON: What do you mean mum?

DORIS: He mistook a bull for a cow.

SIMON: How did he manage that?

DORIS: He was an idiot. Mind you, he made a friend for life. The bull took to following him everywhere and eventually caused his death.

SIMON: What happened mum?

DORIS: It followed him into the pub, and as he tried resisting its amorous advances, he fell down the cellar steps and a barrel of beer landed on top of him.

SIMON: That must’ve been a terrible shock for you mum.

DORIS: It certainly was. It was a case of ‘beer today and gone tomorrow,’ and I’ve been living in poverty ever since.

SIMON: Maybe we’ll win the lottery and then we won’t be poor anymore.

DORIS: That’s impossible, Simon.

SIMON: Why is it?

DORIS: It’s the eighteenth century and the lottery hasn’t been invented yet.

SIMON: I’m always thinking ahead, mum.

DORIS: Your head isn’t built for thinking, Simon.

SIMON: Yes it is, and it mostly thinks about Maggie Micklegate. [sighs]

DORIS: Are you still holding a torch for our barmaid?

SIMON: Yes, and I’m hoping that one day she might hold something for me.

DORIS: Like what? Bearing in mind this is a family show.

SIMON: My hand.

DORIS: Thank goodness for that.

SIMON: And someday I hope to marry her, mum.

DORIS: Give over, her mum’s older than me.

SIMON: I meant Maggie! I think she’s beautiful.

DORIS: Looks aren’t everything Simon. I didn’t marry your father for his looks.

SIMON: Then what attracted you to him?

DORIS: His spotted dick.

SIMON: I’m sorry I asked now.

DORIS: I still use his recipe to this day.

SIMON: I didn’t know dad could cook.

DORIS: Oh yes, he was very hands on in the kitchen. And everywhere else too.

SIMON: What did he like getting his hands on the most?

DORIS: Tarts, and not only the jammy kind.

SIMON: What do you miss most about him mum?

DORIS: His enormous sausage.

SIMON: I beg your pardon!

DORIS: He used to make huge German sausages.

SIMON: I hate German sausages, they’re the wurst. [laughs]

DORIS: Just like that joke.

Enter Squire Grabbit [SL]

SIMON: It’s our landlord Squire Grabbit.

SQUIRE: Good morning Doris.

DORIS: Well it was until you turned up.

SQUIRE: I want something from you.

DORIS: [grabs hold of him] Oh, squire, I didn’t know you cared!

SQUIRE: [pushing her off] I meant, your rent.