• Type of Copy *

  • Name of venue *

  • Full name of Group (no acronyms and no own name) *

  • Dates of Performances *

  • License for up to 100 seats *

  • License for 101 - 150 seats *

  • License for 151 - 200 seats *

  • License for 201 - 250 seats *

  • License for 251 - 300 seats *

  • License for 301 - 350 seats *

  • License for 351 - 400 seats *

  • License for 400+ seats *

Product total

Options total

Grand total



Set in Arthurian times Camelot the Panto tells the tale of King Arthur and his not-so-brave knights of the round table.

King Arthur and Queen Guinevere are skint and are struggling to pay for the wedding between Princess Olivia and the handsome Prince Hector. Being the helpful sort, Hector sets off to rob the treasure-laden lair of the dreaded Jabberwock, armed only with Merlin’s ‘invisibility’ potion.

But the evil Morgana is returning from exile to claim Arthur’s throne, and the King orders Q of MI5 to stop her. Q sends his top agent Sir Lancelot Bond, to arrest Morgana. Along with her idiot son Modred, and her henchmen Rough and Tumble.

Meanwhile, Nurse Bedpan who is charge of Camelot’s health service, has been busy trying to inoculate the population. But not so busy that she neglects the object of her desire, Jasper the Jester. Lots of mirth and mayhem in this rollicking fun-filled medieval pantomime yarn.


12 principals plus 1 smaller speaking role, 2 cameo roles and a chorus with some lines.


All our scripts have a runtime of approximately 2hrs (not including any interval) but this is very dependent on your own production and can be edited by yourselves to suit your own needs.


Our pantomimes all come with a full, suggested songs, music cues and SFX list.


Traditional British pantomime, incorporating visual comedy, slapstick and audience participation.

Free Sample




The Lady Of The Lake
Agent Q
Agent X
Agent Y
Dancers; Villagers; Courtiers; Bats; etc.



Music cue 2: Chorus. After song ends…

Enter Jasper [SR] carrying a big book.

JASPER: Hiya folks, and welcome to Camelot! I’m Jasper the Jester, and whenever I come on and shout, ‘hiya folks!’ I want you all to shout back, ‘hiya Jasper!’ Okay? Can you hear me at the back? You could hear me a lot better at the front if you’d booked early. [to man on front row] Wotcha mate, what’s your name? Dave? [use man’s real name] Everybody, look at Dave. Now it’s your turn Dave I’ll count to three and you shout, ‘hiya folks,’ and everybody will shout ‘hiya Dave,’ okay? I bet you’re glad you sat on the front now, aren’t you? Here we go then. One…two…three! Stick to the day job Dave.

CHORUS 1: Is it true Sir Lancelot’s returning to Camelot today Jasper?

JASPER: Yes, it is.

CHORUS 2: Sir Lancelot’s soooo brave.

CHORUS 3: Soooo handsome.

CHORUS 4: And soooo hunky.

JASPER: He’s all right if you like the flash, handsome, heroic type.

CHORUS: We do! We do!

JASPER: I thought girls preferred funny men.

CHORUS 5: That lets you out then Jasper.

JASPER: What are you talking about? Everybody thinks I’m hilarious!

CHORUS 1: Don’t make me laugh.

JASPER: But it’s my job to make people laugh.

CHORUS 2: Well, you’re rubbish at it.

JASPER: Says who?

CHORUS 3: I think the audience reaction says it all.

CHORUS 4: You should’ve played one of the trees, Jasper.

JASPER: Why’s that then?

CHORUS 5: ’Cos you’re a big sap and your acting’s wooden.

Exit Chorus [SR] laughing.

JASPER: I’m fed up with people laughing at me. If only they’d laugh at my jokes instead.

Music cue 3: Enter Nursie [SL] she wears a nurse’s fob watch and carries a bag containing a medicine bottle, a spoon and a tongue depressor.

NURSIE: At last, a bit of eye candy’s arrived! I’m Nurse Bedpan Camelot’s Chief Medical officer, and it’s my job to make sure everybody’s in rude health. The ruder the better. Whenever I enter I’ll ask, ‘are you well?’ If you are say, ‘yes Nursie.’ If not, keep quiet, nobody likes a moaner. You’ve heard of the lady with the lamp, well, I’m the lady with the headlamps. [hoists bosom]

JASPER: I think they’ve noticed that already Nursie.

NURSIE: I’m also a widow, and I haven’t any family. [elicit sympathy] My sister Annie’s gone, so has my Granny and my sister Fanny. I’m all alone. No Annie, no Granny, and no other sister. I’m currently in the market for a new husband if anybody’s interested, and Dave is I can tell.

JASPER: Dave’s just fainted.

NURSIE: Stand aside, I’m fully trained in mouth-to-mouth regurgitation. [moves DS]

JASPER: That’s brought him round again.

NURSIE: Later, Dave now, let’s all get nice and friendly. Everybody, hold your arms out in front, like this. [demonstrates] Now, spread them apart as wide as you can. [to front row] No dear, I said ‘arms’. Now, cross your arms and shake hands with the person on either side, and say, ‘pleased to meet you.’ That should break the ice. What’s that big book you’re carrying Jasper?

JASPER: Its Merlin’s Big Book of Spells, I’m looking after it while he’s away at Bogwarts.

NURSIE: It looks a bit heavy to carry around all day.

JASPER: It is, but I daren’t lose it, Merlin says he’s useless without it.

NURSIE: He’s useless with it.

JASPER: I could do with a bit of help looking after it.

NURSIE: Why don’t you ask the boys and girls to help you look after it?

JASPER: Good idea. Boys and girls, will you help me look after Merlin’s Big Book Of Spells? Thanks! I’ll put it down here…[sets it DSR]…and if anybody goes near it, just shout, ‘abracadabra,’ and I’ll come running.

NURSIE: Let’s have a practice, Jasper, you go off and I’ll pretend I’m stealing the book.

JASPER: Okay, Nursie. [exits SR]

NURSIE: [creeps towards book but Jasper doesn’t appear] Jasper!

Enter Jasper [SR]

JASPER: Yes Nursie?

NURSIE: You didn’t come on just then.

JASPER: That’s because I didn’t hear them shout.

NURSIE: Well, I heard them.

JASPER: Yes, but I’m further away than you. Let’s try it again. [exits SR]

NURSIE: Shout even louder this time boys and girls. [repeats business]

Enter Jasper at a run [SR]

JASPER: I heard them that time!

NURSIE: Anyway Jasper, how are you today, feeling well?

JASPER: Right up until the moment you arrived Nursie.

NURSIE: Then it’s lucky I turned up when I did. [takes out a tongue depressor] Open wide and say, ‘aaaah!’ [he shakes his head] Open sesame! [bops his head]

JASPER: [holds his head] Aaaah!

NURSIE: [shoves tongue depressor in his mouth] Now, say, ‘bottle of beer.’

JASPER: Gottle a geer!

NURSIE: Now say, ‘bread and butter.’

JASPER: Gred an’ gutter!

NURSIE: It’s just as I thought.

JASPER: [worried] What is it Nursie!?

NURSIE: You’re a rubbish ventriloquist.

JASPER: I’m feeling a bit down today Nursie.

NURSIE: Why’s that then?

JASPER: All my fake plants have just died

NURSIE: How can fake plants die?

JASPER: I forgot to pretend to water them. [laughs]

NURSIE: I’m having a blood-donor drive today. Have you ever given blood Jasper?

JASPER: Yes, but I fainted, and they had to put it all back. Although I think they put it back in the wrong arm.

NURSIE: What makes you think that?

JASPER: Because this arm…[lifts arm]…now feels twice as heavy as the other one.