Beauty And The Beast Version 1

£40.00

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SKU: beautyandthebeast Category:

Description

Synopsis:

A story of a Prince transformed into a Beast and an ill-fated bet between the good Fairy Rose and the evil Witch Thorn. The traditional plot of the well-loved fairy tale, blended with traditional pantomime characters, including a Dame and two ugly sister types.

Roles:

11 principals (evisages one actor doubling as the Prince and the Beast) plus several minor speaking roles, a chorus, and a werewolf.

Runtime:

All of our scripts have a runtime of approx 120 minutes, assuming that you use the full number of suggested musical numbers and not including any interval. But this is very dependent on your own production and can be edited by yourselves to suit.

Music:

All of our pantomimes come with a full, suggested songs and music cues and SFX list.

Style:

Traditional British pantomime, incorporating visual comedy, slapstick and audience participation.

Free Sample

Characters

Belle
Dame Dolly Donut
Canderel
Nutella
Mr Baguette
Prince Louis
Beast
Crouton
Gustave
Garcon
Fairy Rose
Witch Thorn

Chorus/Minor roles

Paramedics
Bakery workers
Werewolf
Castle Guards
Children
Villagers, etc

Scene One

The Village Of Le Petit Pain

Baguette’s bakery is (USR) and has a practical door. Music cue 2: Villagers. After song ends…Belle enters (DSR) reading a book.

Villagers Good morning Belle!

Belle looks up from her book.

Belle Good morning everybody!

Villager 1 What book are you reading today, Belle?

Belle It’s called, The Hunchback Of Notre Dame.

Villager 2 What’s it about then?

Belle It’s about a poor unfortunate man, who’s persecuted because of his appearance.

Villager 3 People can be so cruel, can’t they?

Gustave enters (SL)

Belle (glancing at Gustave) They certainly can.

Girls It’s Gustave!

All the Village Girls, except for Belle, gather around Gustave, swooning. Any male Villagers can join Belle and chat.

Gustave (posing) Feast your eyes, girls. Music cue 3: Gustave. After song ends…

Girl Have you got a partner for tonight’s village dance yet, Gustave?

Gustave No. But I’ll be picking some lucky girl, very soon.

Girls (in unison) Pick me, Gustave!

Gustave Sorry girls, you’ll just have to wait and see. Now run along. I wish to speak to Belle…alone.

Girls exit groaning in disappointment. Any male Villagers can also exit

Belle Make it quick Gustave. I have better things to do, than stand here talking to you.

Gustave You’ll soon change your tune, when you discover that you’re the lucky girl I’m taking to the village dance tonight.

Belle Well this lucky girl, is declining your invite.

Gustave You can’t be serious, Belle. Why every girl in the village would jump at the chance, of going to the dance with me.

Belle Then maybe you should ask one of them instead.

Gustave Why deny yourself Belle? You know, we were meant for each other.

Belle I don’t think so Gustave. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have work to do at father’s bakery.

Gustave I hear you’re expecting a royal visitor today.

Belle Yes. Prince Louis is presenting father with an award, for services to baking.

Gustave And well deserved it is, I’m sure. It would be a pity if everything he worked so hard for, were to suddenly disappear overnight.

Belle What do you mean by that?

Gustave Accidents do happen Belle. Earthquake, flood…(emphasises)…fire!

Belle That sounded like a threat to me.

Gustave Nonsense, Belle.

Belle I won’t be blackmailed into going out with you, Gustave.

Gustave Blackmail’s a nasty word, Belle.

Belle A nasty word for a nasty man.

Gustave You’re obviously overwhelmed at the prospect of going out with me, Belle. I’ll leave you to think about it and ask you again later.

Belle The answer will still be the same.

Gustave (darkly) Then I suggest you think carefully before answering next time. (exits SL)

Belle (to audience) I could never go out with anybody as vain and nasty as Gustave.

Crouton enters (SR) carrying a long baguette.

Crouton (cheery) Hiya, Belle!

Belle (glum) Hello, Crouton.

Crouton What’s the matter, Belle? You look a bit down.

Belle Gustave’s asked me to the village dance and won’t take no for an answer.

Crouton He’s also been going around warning all the village boys, not to ask you out.

Belle It’s my father I’m worried about.

Crouton Why? Hasn’t he got anybody to go to the dance with?

Belle No, it’s his bakery.

Crouton You’ve lost me completely now.

Belle I must warn father to guard against ‘accidents.’ See you later Crouton. (exits SR)

Crouton (waves) Bye Belle! (to audience) Hello everybody! I’m Crouton, chief dough-kneader at Baguette’s Bakery. And I need the dough, believe you me. My finances are flatter than a sunken soufflé. And to top it all, me baguette keeps going limp. Look. (holds up the baguette and it droops – see properties) I blame that new flour Mr Baguette’s started using. It’s supposed to self-raising, but I keep having to pick it up myself. I do like working at the bakery though, and…can I trust you with a secret? (response) I’m in love with Mr Baguette’s daughter, Belle. (sighs) She’s beautiful and kind, and everything I’ve dreamed of. I wonder if she could ever fall for a dough-boy with a droopy baguette?

Canderel & Nutella (shouts off) Crouton!

Crouton That sounds like Mr Baguette’s step-daughters, He inherited them after his second wife, died unexpectedly. I wouldn’t say they were ugly. But they once went on a nudist’s beach, and the tide went out and never came back. And last week, a peeping-tom knocked on the door and begged them to shut their bedroom curtains.

Canderel and Nutella enter (SL) singing.

Can & Nutella Heeey, heey, baby! Ooh-aah!

Crouton (aside to audience) This is Canderel and Nutella, Belle’s ugly stepsisters.

Nutella I heard that!

Crouton (all innocent) Heard what?

Nutella You know very well, what. Nothing gets past my ears.

Crouton I’m not surprised. They’re like satellite dishes.

Nutella Watch it, dough-boy!

Canderel (indicating audience) What are all that lot doing here?

Crouton I think they’re here to meet Prince Louis.

Canderel Well they’d better not get in the way and cramp my style. I’m hoping to impress the Prince with my enormous meringues. (hoists chest)

Nutella The Prince won’t be interested in your meringues. But he’ll be knocked out by my buns.

Canderel Only if one falls on his head.

Nutella My buns are not hard!

Canderel Then how come the army requisitioned them, when they ran out of cannonballs?

Nutella Did, not!

Canderel Did, so!

Nutella Did, not!

Canderel Did, so.

Nutella Oh, let’s stop arguing sis’, and introduce ourselves to the plebs.

Canderel Okay, I’ll go first. (to audience) Hello plebs! I’m Canderel! And unlike my fat, sour-faced sister. I’m sweet and adorable, with a fabulous figure.

Nutella (to audience) I’m Nutella. And my poor sister’s been suffering from delusions, ever since her face got run over by a tram.

Canderel Rubbish! Yesterday, some man said I looked just like a film star.

Crouton Which one?

Nutella Shrek!

Canderel Why you! (goes to scrag Nutella)

They flap their arms at each other in mock fighting. Mr Baguette enters (SR)

Baguette Girls! Girls! What are you doing?

Crouton Fighting again, as usual.

Canderel (pointing at Nutella) She started it, daddy!

Nutella Oh no, I didn’t!

Canderel Oh yes, you did!

Baguette Stop arguing, girls. Prince Louis will be here soon, and I want you to give him a good impression.

Nutella Don’t worry stepdaddy, dear. I’ll give him an impression he’ll never forget. (sexy pose)

Canderel Only if you sit on him.

Baguette (to Crouton) Go and fetch my best suit from the cleaners please, Crouton.

Crouton Yes, Mr Baguette. (exits SL)

Baguette (to Uglies) I’m going inside, to check that everything’s ready for the Prince’s visit.

Nutella Give us your credit card first, stepdaddy dear.

Baguette What for?

Canderel We’ll need some posh new frocks, if we’re going to impress the Prince.

Baguette But you bought loads of stuff from Harvey Nick’s, only last week.

Nutella You can’t expect us to wear outdated clothes.

Canderel They’re sooooo, last week.

Baguette Oh, very well. Anything for a quiet life. (takes out a credit card)

Nutella (snatches card) Ta! (to Canderel) Let’s go shopping, Candy.

Baguette Take Belle with you, and make sure she gets a new outfit too. (exits inside)

Canderel We’ll make sure she gets it, all right. (to Nutella) Won’t we Nutty?

Nutella Oh yes, she’ll definitely ‘get it.’

Canderel and Nutella exit laughing (SL) Dolly Donut enters (DSR) carrying a basket, filled with sweets.

Dolly Hello boys and girls! My name’s Dolly Donut, and I’m head baker here at Baguette’s Bakery. I’ve just finished making a pick’n’mix cake for the Prince, and I’ve got lots of sweeties left over. I can’t eat them all myself, because I’m watching my figure. Well you don’t get a stunning body like mine by stuffing your face with sweeties, now do you? So, I was wondering if you’d like them instead? (response – distributes sweets) I love working at Baguette’s bakery, you know. And…can I trust you with a little secret? (response) I fancy Crouton the dough-boy. (quivers) Oooh! He can knead my floury baps, anytime. He doesn’t know how I feel about him yet. But he’s bound to be flattered, that an attractive young widow like me fancies him, isn’t he? I became a widow after my late husband, Duncan Donut. (pauses for reaction) Take your time, it’s a slow-burner that one. Anyway, he tragically died from a fractured skull. And no, it wasn’t because he didn’t eat poisoned mushrooms. That joke’s much too old for a modern panto. A rolling-pin fell from the top cupboard and hit him on the head. Anyway, the police bought it…I mean believed me. And now I’m single and fancy-free.

Bakery Workers enter (SL)

Worker 1 (cheery) Good morning, Mrs Donut!

Dolly Never mind that. You’re all late for work again.

Worker 2 Sorry Mrs D, but the bus broke down.

Dolly That’s the third time this week!

Worker 3 I know. (aside to others) Only two more breakdowns until the weekend.

Workers snigger.

Dolly Well you’d better all get your skates on. Prince Louis will be arriving at any minute.

Worker 4 I think Mr Baguette’s hoping the Prince will fancy one of his daughters.

Dolly There’s only one he could possibly fancy, and that’s Belle. (to audience) Have you met her yet? (response) Isn’t she pretty? She reminds me so much of myself.

Worker 5 In what way, Dolly?

Dolly It’s because we’re both blessed, with natural good looks.

Worker 1 I’ve heard you use botox.

Dolly I’ll admit, I did try it once. But never again.

Worker 2 Why not?

Dolly It tasted horrible. And I keep by body in perfect shape by dancing every day.

Worker 3 Do you have a favourite piece of music to dance too, Dolly?

Dolly I certainly do. (loudly) Hit it! Music cue 4: Dolly & Workers. After song ends…Dolly ends up locked in position and crying out in pain.

Worker 4 What’s wrong, Dolly?

Dolly I think I’ve pulled something important!

Worker 5 (shouts) Send for the paramedics!

SFX: Ambulance siren.

Two Paramedics run on and carrying a rolled-up stretcher. The canvas is attached to the poles by a few small pieces of Velcro, these should give way with a ripping sound when they put Dolly on the stretcher and try lifting her.

Para 1 Don’t move, Dolly!

Dolly I couldn’t even if I wanted too!

Para 2 Are you in much pain?

Para 1 (holding their back) My back does ache a bit, now that you mention it.

Dolly He means me you fool! And yes, I am! Now hurry up and help me!

Para 2 (to Para 1) Put the stretcher down next to her.

They put the stretcher next down to Dolly. Then open it out and roll her onto it.

Para 1 (to Para 2) Right, on the count three. One…two…three…lift!

They lift up the stretcher-poles, which rip away from the canvas. Then march out with the poles, leaving Dolly lying on the ground.

Dolly (stands and picks up the canvas) Where did you buy this thing? Poundland? (throws it into wing)

Crouton and Baguette rush on. Crouton carries another large prop baguette.

Crouton Baguette The Prince is Coming! The Prince is coming!

General excitement.

Baguette (organising Workers into a line) Everybody line up! Where are my daughters? (calls) Canderel! Nutella! Belle! Hurry, the Prince is coming!

SFX: Loud clattering of feet.

Canderel and Nutella run on (SL)

Canderel & Nutella Here we are, stepdaddykins!

Baguette Where’s Belle?

Nutella How should we know?

Baguette Didn’t she go shopping with you?

Canderel No, we couldn’t find her.

Dolly Are you sure you looked hard enough?

Nutella (unconvincing) We looked really, really, hard. (to Canderel) Didn’t we, Candy?

Canderel (unconvincing) Yes. Really, really, sincerely, hard.

Nutella We looked high and low. (performs actions wrong way round)

Canderel Left and right. (performs actions wrong way round)

Nutella (silly actions) In and out.

Canderel (silly actions) And roundabout. And she was nowhere to be found.

Baguette Belle was really looking forward to meeting the Prince.

Nutella The Prince wouldn’t be interested in meeting her!

Dolly Oh yes, he would!

Canderel & Nutella Oh no, he wouldn’t!

Dolly Oh yes, he would!

Canderel & Nutella Oh no, he wouldn’t!

Dolly (with audience) Oh yes, he would!

Canderel (to audience) You lot, shut your cake-holes!

Nutella Or we’ll come down there and beat you with a stale baguette.

Belle enters (SR) reading a book.

Baguette Where have you been, Belle?

Belle To the library for another book, father.

Canderel What’s so interesting about books, anyway?

Crouton You’ll never know unless you learn to read.

Nutella Reading’s for losers.

Dolly Didn’t you two learn anything at school?

Canderel Yes. We learned how to apply makeup. (mimes applying makeup)

Nutella How to pull Facebook pouts. (pouts)

Canderel How to drink champers. (mimes drinking a pint)

Nutella How to attract men. (seductive pose)

Canderel And with bodies like ours, we’ll be the ones doing the educating.

Canderel & Nutella (pelvic thrust) Woof!

SFX: Loud fanfare.

Baguette The Prince is here! (lining them up) Quick Belle, into line ready to greet him!

Belle lines-up and Crouton holds the baguette against his chest with both hands.

Nutella (pointing at Belle) She can’t meet the Prince looking like that!

Canderel I’ve seen better dressed scarecrows.

Belle Nice clothes are all well and good. But it’s what’s inside a person that really counts.

Nutella (runs hands down body) And it’s the outer wrapper that attracts in the first place.

Crouton (aside to audience) If anybody unwrapped her, they’d get post-traumatic stress.

SFX: Loud fanfare.

Prince Louis struts on (SL) waving and acting all haughty and proud.

Crouton Three cheers for Prince Louis! Hip-hip…

All Hooray!

Crouton Hip-hip…

All Hooray!

Crouton Hip-hip…

All Hooray!

Prince Only three cheers?

Baguette Three cheers are customary, your highness.

Prince Yes, but a Prince and should get more than anybody else. (indicating audience) What about that lot down there? I didn’t hear them cheering.

Baguette (to audience) Let’s give his highness the cheer, he so richly deserves. (leads audience) Hip-hip…hooray!

Prince (dismissive) Pathetic!

Crouton Shall I get them to do it again, your highness?

Prince No, there’s no point in flogging a dead horse.

Baguette Allow me to introduce my staff, your highness. This is my head baker, Dolly Donut.

Dolly Hello, your slyness. (curtsies) I can’t wait to show you my crusty bloomers.

Prince I’m not interested in your dirty underwear!

Dolly It’s a type of loaf!

Prince Oh, I see.

Baguette Go and fetch in the Prince’s surprise, Dolly.

Dolly Oh, yes! (to Prince) Just wait ‘til you see what I’ve got tucked away in my pantry, your royal cupcake. (exits into bakery)

Baguette (moving along the line) This is Crouton, my chief dough-maker.

Crouton How do your flouriness! (bows and pokes himself in the eye with the baguette)

Baguette These are my beautiful daughters. (introducing them in turn) Canderel.

Canderel (awkward curtsey) Delighted, your incontinence!

Prince You’re obviously potty.

Baguette Nutella.

Nutella (awkward curtsey) Greetings, your monstrosity!

Prince You can talk.

Baguette And my youngest daughter, Belle.

Belle (curtsies) Your highness.

Prince You’re quite pretty…in a common sort of way. I might consider taking you out sometime.

Belle I’m flattered your highness. But I don’t know you well enough to go out with you.

Prince I’m a rich and handsome Prince. What more do you need to know?

Belle I’m sorry your highness, but wealth and looks aren’t everything. I’d have to know what you’re like inside, first.

Prince (matter-of-fact) Blood and guts, what else?

Canderel (simpering) Blue blood of course.

Nutella (simpering) And regal guts.

Crouton (to Uglies) You utter creeps!

Baguette (taking Belle aside) Are you mad, Belle? Why did you refuse a date with the Prince?

Belle Because he’s egotistical, vain and pompous?

Baguette And apart from that?

Canderel (grabbing the Prince) Forget her, Princey. Marry me and you’ll never live to regret it.

Nutella (grabbing the Prince) That’s because you’ll be dead, after sampling her cooking. Whereas mine is ala-carte.

Canderel Dustbin cart, more like. (to Prince) Her ratatouille is made with real rat.

Nutella Is not!

Canderel Is too!

Baguette Girls, please! Not in front of the Prince! Now go inside and help Dolly.

Canderel Nutella Yes, stepdaddykins.

Nutella (to Prince) Don’t go away, Princey.

Canderel (to Prince) We’ll be back to show you our ring doughnuts.

Prince (shudders) What a horrible thought.

Canderel and Nutella exit into bakery.

Baguette (to all the others) Come along everybody. Let’s leave the Prince and Belle alone, to get to know each other.

All exit into the bakery, leaving Belle and the Prince alone. They walk forward and cloth/tabs close behind them.

Prince (sidling up to her) It seems we’re all alone, Belle.

Belle Yes, well I have rather a lot of work to do. So, I’ll bid your highness, good day. (turns to leave)

Prince (grabs her arm) Don’t go!

Belle (firmly) Please let go of my arm.

Prince (releases her) I’m sorry if I gave the wrong impression earlier. That’s not the real me.

Belle (unconvinced) Really?

Prince It’s just that I’ve been raised to believe, that royalty must always remain aloof. But I hate pretending to be all hoity-toity.

Belle Honestly?

Prince Absolutely. I much prefer to muck in and be just like everybody else.

Belle Then perhaps I’ve misjudged you.

Prince Do you think we could start again?

Belle Very well. (holds out her hand) I’m Belle, how do you do?

Prince Pleased to meet you Belle, I’m Louis. (kisses her hand)

Belle Did you really mean what you said earlier, about me being ‘pretty’?

Prince I’ve never met anyone more beautiful. Would you like to come out with me sometime?

Belle I’d like that very much. But I meant what I said about getting to know you first.

Prince Then why don’t we start right now. Music cue 5: Prince & Belle. After song ends…

SFX: Smoke pours onstage from the bakery.

Belle (sniffs) Something’s burning!

Baguette runs in from the bakery.

Baguette Quick! Somebody ring the fire-brigade! My bakery’s on fire!

Prince I’ll use my royal mobile. (produces a sparkly mobile, with a little crown on top)

Baguette I must try and save my bakery! (exits inside the bakery)

Belle No, father! (exits inside the bakery)

Prince (calls after her) Belle! (speaking into mobile) Hello…fire-brigade? Come quickly! Baguette’s Bakery’s on fire! (puts mobile away)

The Prince goes to exit after Belle but stops when Witch Thorn enters (SL)

Witch Greetings, Prince Louis.

Prince Do I know you?

Witch No, but everybody knows the handsome Prince Louis. Why, every girl swoons at the very mention of your name.

Prince (flattered) They do?

Witch All they see, is that you are rich and good-looking. But I know that beneath that handsome exterior, beats a cold and conceited heart.

Prince (dismissive) Oh, that’s all just a silly sham. On the outside, I might appear to be vain and cold-hearted. But inside, I’m really a nice person.

Witch (furious) What! But that means Fairy Rose will win the bet! And I’ll have to give up my magic powers and go and live in Spooky Wood!

Prince (puzzled) Fairy? Bet? I demand to know what you’re talking about.

Witch Silence! (waves her hand and Prince Lois freezes to the spot) Fairy Rose must’ve known that Prince Louis had a soft heart all along, to suggest the bet in the first place. If she wants to play dirty, then so be it. I’ll forget our agreement and use magic to win. (turns to audience)
Fairy Rose believes beauty comes from within,
But I’ll prove the veneer is rather thin.
The Prince will be ugly to say the least,
When I turn him into a horrible, beast!
(points to wing SL) Enter my minions!

Snap blackout – dimmed green lighting on – smoke drifts onstage. A group of Goblins enter either side and encircle the Prince. Between them they carry items of the Beast’s costume. Jacket, beastly head-piece, beastly hands, etc. The Goblins begin to dance around the Prince. Music Cue 6: He gradually sinks to the floor and is hidden from view. As the dance continues, the Goblins begin to dress the hidden Prince. One moves in and puts on the jacket, another the beastly headpiece, another the beastly hands, and so on until he has been transformed into the Beast. As the music nears the end. The Goblins form a tight circle around the Beast who is still hunkered on the floor. The music builds to a crescendo, and on the final climax all the Goblins exit both sides, leaving the transformed Prince hunkered on the floor. The Beast slowly rises from the floor and moves downstage, checking his hands and appearing confused. (see properties for alternative transformation scene)
Witch (laughs) Fairy Rose will never win the bet now!

Beast (bemused) What’s going on? (to Witch) Who are you?

Witch I’m Witch Thorn. And I’ve just turned your highness into a horrible beast, that nobody could ever love.

Beast (puzzled) Witch? Beast? (checks his face and roars in anguish) Noooo!

Fairy Rose rushes on (SR) and sees the Beast.

Rose (to Witch) What have you done? I thought we agreed, no magic.

Witch You knew all along that Prince Louis had a soft heart. Deny it if you can.

Rose I can see the goodness inside everyone. But I don’t need to use magic, to see it.

Witch You thought you’d trick me. But this time I’ve outsmarted you.

Beast (to Fairy) Are you a witch, too?

Rose No, I’m Fairy Rose. Witch Thorn and I had a wager about you and Belle, but we weren’t supposed to use magic.

Beast You mean, I’ve been used as part of some twisted bet?

Rose I meant no harm your highness. I only wanted to prove that true beauty comes from within.

Witch (produces a red rose and hands it to the Beast) Here, your highness. A rose to remind you of Fairy Roses’ losing bet. When it dies, so shall you. Unless somebody should still fall in love with you that is. (exits SL laughing)

Beast Then I’m doomed. For not even Belle, could love a horrible beast.

Rose I’ll explain to Belle what’s happened, your highness. She’s sure to overlook your outward appearance and see the real you.

Beast No! You’ve caused enough trouble. Belle must never discover what’s happened to me. I will return to my castle and hide away from the world, forever!

Rose Please stay your highness and let your goodness shine through your beastly facade.

Beast No! I’m done with being good! If I’d been nasty, like Witch Thorn believed, I wouldn’t be as I am now. From now on, I will mirror how I look. I will be…a horrible beast! (roars and exits)

Rose Oh dear, this really is too bad,
I never meant to make him sad.
It’s now my duty to put things right,
And my task must start this very night. (exits SR)

Belle runs in from the bakery (SR)

Belle Louis, have you rung the fire…where is he? (to audience) Does anybody know what happened to the Prince? (response) What? A beast! Oh no, a wild beast must have appeared and chased him away. I wonder if I’ll ever see him again. Music cue 8: Belle. After song ends…

SFX: Loud explosion.

Belle (exclaims) Father!

Baguette and Crouton enter from the bakery, coughing and propping each other up. They are both covered in ‘rubble and flour’.

Baguette (wails) Woe is me! My beautiful bakery is destroyed!

Belle Don’t upset yourself father. At least nobody was hurt, and that’s the main thing.

Crouton Yes. And once the insurance company pays up, you can build a new bakery.

Baguette I’m not insured!

Belle How come?

Baguette The cover ran out yesterday. And what with the visit of the Prince and everything. I completely forgot to renew it.

Dolly staggers in from the bakery, looking dishevelled and with a piece of plaster stuck in her mouth.

Dolly (spits out the piece of plaster) Ooooh! What happened?

Crouton I think the oven blew up, Dolly.

Dolly I suppose I’ll have to fill in an accident report now.

Belle I don’t believe it was an accident.

Baguette What do you mean, Belle?

Belle I think Gustave, might’ve had something to do with it.

Baguette Why would Gustave want to destroy my bakery?

Belle I refused to go to the village dance with him, and he turned nasty and mentioned something about, ‘accidents’ happening.

Dolly Then shouldn’t somebody call the police?

Crouton That’s no use, Dolly. We’d never be able to prove it.

Belle Crouton’s right. It would just be my word against Gustave’s.

Canderel and Nutella stagger in from the bakery.

Canderel What happened to the bakery?

Nutella We were in our bedroom prettifying ourselves for the Prince. When there was this enormous explosion.

Canderel I thought it was Nutella passing wind, and now everything’s burned to a crisp!

Baguette Belle thinks it was arson.

Nutella Why would the ex-Arsenal manager burn down our bakery?

Dolly Not Arsene Wenger! Somebody else!

Baguette And the bakery wasn’t insured, so I can’t re-build it.

Canderel Then you’ll just have to get a bank loan.

Crouton Haven’t you heard of the credit crunch?

Nutella What’s that then? Some new cereal bar?

Baguette No. It means the banks won’t lend money anymore. I’m afraid we’re ruined.

Belle What about rich Aunt Charlotte who lives in London? Maybe she’ll loan you the money.

Canderel (to Baguette) Yeah, tell the old biddy and to cough up the dough.

Baguette It’s worth a try, I suppose. I’ll set off for London immediately. (to Crouton) Go and ready my horse, Crouton.

Crouton Yes, Mr Baguette. (exits SL)

Dolly Couldn’t you just ring her instead?

Baguette No, she’s rather eccentric and shuns modern technology.

Nutella While you’re in London, you can bring me back a Gucci handbag from Harrods.

Canderel And I’ll have a solid-gold, diamond-encrusted Rolex.

Baguette I can’t afford expensive things anymore. I’ll see if there’s a Primark nearby. (to Belle) And what would you like Belle?

Belle I don’t want anything father.

Baguette I can’t bring your stepsisters back a gift, and not you.

Belle Very well then, you can bring me back a single red rose.

Canderel & Nutella (sneer) A rose!?

Belle Yes – I love roses.

Baguette All right Belle. A single red rose it is.

Crouton enters (SL)

Crouton Your horse is ready and waiting, Mr Baguette.

Baguette Thank you, Crouton. Kingsmill will get me to London in no time.

Nutella That bag of old bones couldn’t make it to…(local place)…never mind London.

Canderel He’s already got one foot in the glue-factory.

Baguette I have every confidence in Kingsmill.

Nutella (to Baguette) And what are we supposed to do while you’re gone?

Baguette What do you mean?

Canderel Well now we’ve got nowhere to live.

Nutella And no money.

Dolly Then you’ll have to do the same as me and Crouton.

Canderel And what’s that?

Dolly Get yourselves a temporary job until the bakery’s been rebuilt.

Baguette I’m off then. Wish me luck. (starts to exit)

All (waving him off) Bye!

Baguette exits (SL)

Nutella There’s no way, I’m doing manual labour!

Canderel It’s all right sis.’ I might’ve found us a job, that doesn’t involve anything physical. (produces a newspaper clipping) Look. Castle Bruschetta’s advertising for two personal life-stylists.

Nutella That sounds perfect for us. (posing) We are fashion icons, after all.

Canderel The owner’s probably a Prince or something and is bound to want to marry one of us.

Nutella That’ll be me, then

Canderel Me, you mean.

Nutella If either of us is going to catch a Prince, we’d better get shopping.

Belle You’re going shopping, at a time like this?

Canderel We’ve got to replace all our designer outfits that got ruined in the fire, haven’t we? (to Nutella) Let’s go, Nutty.

Canderel & Nutella (exit SL singing) Heeey, heey, baby! Ooh-aah!

Crouton They’re already nutty if you ask me.

Dolly Let’s go down the job-centre, Crouton.

Crouton Okay Dolly.

Belle I’ll stay here and see what I can salvage from the bakery.

Dolly All right, dear. Just be careful.