Beauty And The Beast Version 2 (Perusal)

Scene Four

The Flag Sellers

Music cue 12: Marcel and Marceau enter (SR) Marcel carries a small folding table and Marceau carries a suitcase filled with small French Tricolour flags on sticks.

Marcel
We’ve got all these flags to sell to people on their way to Paris, for Bastille Day. Now you set up, while I nip to the bank and get a bag of change for our customers.

Marceau
Shouldn’t they bring their own change?

Marcel
How much are we selling our flags for?

Marceau
A pound each. Which is strange seeing as we’re in France.

Marcel
It’s called ‘artistic licence’. Now if a customer gives you a five-pound note, what will you give them?

Marceau
A flag – daah!

Marcel
Yes, but what else will you give them?

Marceau
Erm…a smile!

Marcel
A smile?

Marceau
Service with a smile goes a long way with customers.

Marcel
Fine. But as well as a flag and a smile, what else should you give them?

Marceau
Oh…er…no don’t tell me. (tapping his head) It’s in here somewhere.

Marcel
Think man! Think!

Marceau
I am! But the thunk I want to think won’t come out!

Marcel
Well there can’t be any more getting in its way.

Marceau
Oh…erm…

Marcel
…Change! Change!

Marceau
Why? What’s wrong with what I’m wearing?

Marcel
If somebody gives you a five-pound note, you must give them four-pounds change!

Marceau
Four-pounds change – and a flag.

Marcel
Well, obviously a flag.

Marceau
And a smile – don’t forget the smile.

Marcel
If you must.

Marceau
What should I do if somebody else turns up selling flags?

Marcel
Use your initiative.

Marceau
‘Initiative’ – right.

Marcel
I’ll be back shortly. (exits)

Marceau
(puts up the folding table, places the suitcase on it and opens it to show it’s full of flags. He clips a flip-board on the front of the table, reading ‘Flags £1’) Roll up-roll up! Get your Bastille flags, only one pound! Roll-up-roll-up!

Pepe enters (SL) carrying a suitcase and a folding table

Pepe
Bonjour mon ami! (audience respond, and he sets up selling the exact same flags. He flips over a flip-board which reads ‘Bastille Flags 90p’) Roll-up-roll-up! Bastille flags, only 90p!

Citizen 1 enters, looks at both stalls, buys a flag from Pepe and exits.

Citizen 2 enters, looks at both stalls, buys a flag from Pepe and exits.

Marceau
(to audience) Looks like I’ll have to use my initiative. (produces a marker-pen, crosses out the £1 and adds 80p) Roll-up-roll-up! Bastille flags, only 80p!

Pepe
(crosses out 90p and adds 70p) Get your Bastille flags, only 70p!

Marceau
(changes 80p to 40p) Bastille flags, just 40p!

Pepe
(changes 70p to 20p) Bastille, only 20p!

Marceau
(changes 50p to 10p) Bastille flags, only 10p! (to Pepe) Beat that!

Pepe
(to Marceau) All right, you win.

Marceau
(triumphant) Yes!

Pepe
How many flags have you got there?

Marceau
Fifty.

Pepe
I’ll take the lot.

Marceau
(adding up) Fifty flags at 10p each – that’s five pounds in total.

Pepe
(hands over money) Here you are, five-pounds. (puts Marceau’s flags with his and flips over his sign showing £1) Roll-up-roll-up! Bastille flags, only £1!

Marceau
Just a minute! That’s not right is it?

Pepe
What isn’t right?

Marceau
Well you gave me five pounds, didn’t you?

Pepe
Yes.

Marceau
Which means, I owe you four-pounds change. Here you are then. (hands over money and gives a wide smile)

Marcel enters with a bag of change with £100 written in large letters on it.

Marcel
Here we are Marceau.

Marceau
I don’t need any change now.

Marcel
How come?

Marceau
‘Cos I’ve just sold every single flag.

Marcel
Brilliant! How much did you make?

Marceau
(opens his hand) A pound.

Marcel
One pound! How come you sold fifty flags for a pound?

Marceau
(indicating Pepe) He kept undercutting our prices, so I used my initiative and kept undercutting him, and he finally gave up when I reduced ours to 10p.

Marcel
Fifty flags at 10p each comes to a fiver.

Marceau
I know that, I’m not stupid.

Marcel
Then how come you only have a pound left?

Marceau
Well I remembered what you said about anybody giving me a five-pound note. So, I gave him four-pounds change – and a smile.

Marcel
You are a perfect idiot!

Pepe
No, he’s not!

Marcel
And what makes you think that?

Pepe
Well nobody’s perfect, are they?

Marcel
We might as well pack up and go.

Pepe
No, don’t do that!

Marcel
But we don’t have any flags left to sell.

Pepe
I’ve just remembered I have a dental appointment, and I can’t take all these flags with me. So, why don’t I sell them to you and then you can sell them on for a profit.

Marceau
How much do you want for them?

Pepe
Well I think it’s only fair to let you have them, for the same price you sold them to me.

Marcel
That’s very decent of you.

Pepe
I have 100 flags here, and I’ll let you have them at 10p each. So that’s ten-pounds – plus the pole tax.

Marceau
What pole tax?

Pepe
The flag pole tax.

Marcel
Can’t you waive that?

Pepe
Not really. Everybody must pay that I’m afraid.

Marceau
How much is it?

Pepe
20%.

Marcel
I suppose we’ll have to pay it then.

Pepe
You’ll also need public liability insurance.

Marceau
What for?

Pepe
If anybody got poked in the eye by some idiot waving one of your flags about. They could make a claim against you.

Marcel
But that’s ridiculous!

Pepe
People can sue you for breathing in their face, these days. (breathes in Marceau’s face)

Marceau
(wafting the air) Phwoar! I don’t blame them.

Pepe
Sorry – I had snails garlic snails for lunch.

Marcel
How much is the insurance?

Pepe
20%.

Marceau
I had a feeling it might be.

Marcel
Is that it then?

Pepe
Yes. Apart from the transfer fee.

Marceau
‘Transfer fee’! We’re not buying a flaming footballer!

Pepe
The fee is for me transferring all my liabilities to you. That way you don’t have to waste time registering, when you could be here selling flags.

Marcel
That makes sense.

Marceau
And how much does it all come to?

Pepe
Exactly…(sneaky glance at the money-bag)…one-hundred pounds.

Marcel
What a coincidence! That’s exactly how much is in this bag of money.

Marceau
That’s a stroke of luck, then.

Marcel
(handing over the bag) Here you are.

Pepe
It’s been a pleasure doing business with you. (exits SL with his props)

Marcel
Now that’s how you conduct business, Marceau.

Marceau
(to audience) It’s like watching a financial genius at work.

Marcel
But now we need more change.

Marceau
The way things are going, we might as well set up outside the bank.

Marcel
Good idea. Let’s go.

They pick up the props and exit.