Babes In The Wood


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The wicked Prince John plans to have the children of his brother King Richard, killed so that he can claim the throne of England for himself. He enlists the help of the Sheriff of Nottingham to help him achieve his aim. But they reckon without schoolteacher Nellie Nettles and her TA, Bugsy.

The Babes are kidnapped by the Sheriff’s henchmen and taken to the woods. But helped by Maid Marion and Robin Hood and his Merry Men, Nursie and Bugsy set out to rescue them and thwart Prince John’s evil plans.

Will the Babes be saved and returned to the ample bosom of Nursie? Of course they will. To find out how, order and read the panto script in full.


10 principals plus several smaller speaking roles and a chorus with some lines.


All our scripts have a runtime of approximately 2hrs (not including any interval) but this is very dependent on your own production and can be edited by yourselves to suit your own needs.


Our pantomimes all come with a full, suggested songs, music cues and SFX list.


Traditional British pantomime, incorporating visual comedy, slapstick and audience participation.

Free Sample




Friar Tuck
Little John
Will Scarlet
Dancers; Schoolchildren [includes Babes] Villagers; Fairies; Wood Sprites; etc.



A small bench is [USR] Music cue 1: Chorus. After song ends…

Enter Bugsy [SR]

BUGSY: Hello boys and girls! I’m Bugsy and I’m a Teaching Assistant at, Nottingham Upon Trent School. NUTS for short.

CHORUS 1: Shouldn’t you already be at school, Bugsy?

BUGSY: I’m just on my way there now.

CHORUS 2: Why are you always late, Bugsy?

BUGSY: I have trouble hearing the alarm clock.

CHORUS 3: How come?

BUGSY: Because I’m always fast asleep when it goes off.

CHORUS 4: You won’t have a problem hearing Miss Nettles when she bawls you out later.

Exit Chorus [SR] laughing.

BUGSY: It’s true, Miss Nettles has a voice like a ship’s foghorn. I’m a bit sad today boys and girls because I’ve just broken up with my girlfriend. [elicit sympathy] And whenever I feel down I need a big hug to cheer me up. I can’t hug you all individually, so it’ll have to be a virtual hug. Whenever I come on and shout hiya boys and girls, will you all shout back, hugsy Bugsy, and virtual hug me? Let’s have a practice then. Hiya boys and girls! Thanks, I feel better already.

Enter Nellie Nettles [SL]

NELLIE: Bugsy!

BUGSY: Miss Nettles!

NELLIE: You’re late for school again!

BUGSY: Sorry Nellie, I thought it was half term.

NELLIE: Which proves you only have half a brain!

BUGSY: Don’t have a go Nellie, my girlfriend’s just dumped me.

NELLIE: Why did she dump you?

BUGSY: I told her she’d drawn her false eyebrows too high, and she seemed surprised.

NELLIE: I suppose she would do, Bugsy.

BUGSY: Anyway, how come you aren’t at school yet, Nellie?

NELLIE: I’ve just been, and none of the kids had turned up for class.

BUGSY: Maybe it is half term after all then.

NELLIE: Don’t talk daft! The little monsters are wagging it!

BUGSY: Is it true you’ve cancelled sex education lessons?

NELLIE: Yes Bugsy, it was too embarrassing.

BUGSY: For you or the kids?

NELLIE: Me! Some of the stuff they mentioned I’ve never even heard of.

BUGSY: That’s because you’re a member of the older generation Nellie.

NELLIE: Rubbish! I’m still a young fresh-faced woman.

BUGSY: [laughs] Fresh-faced!?

NELLIE: Yes, and it’s all down to…

BUGSY: Botox!

NELLIE: No! Hard work and good clean living!

BUGSY: [to audience] I do the hard work and she does the good living.

NELLIE: Plus, I allow myself a visit to the beauty parlour once a week. I was booked in today, but they had to cancel due to technical problems.

BUGSY: Don’t tell me the cement mixer has broken down again.

NELLIE: One off these days you’ll push me too far Bugsy!

BUGSY: [to audience] I’d need a bulldozer to push her.

NELLIE: That’s it! [hands him a note] Take this and put it in…[local paper]

BUGSY: What is it?

NELLIE: It’s an ad for a new teaching assistant.

BUGSY: You’re sacking me!?

NELLIE: Full marks Bugsy.

BUGSY: Can’t you take a joke, Nellie?

NELLIE: Take it!? I’ve employed it for two years, and now it’s somebody else’s turn.

BUGSY: I suppose I’d better go then. [trudging off eliciting audience sympathy]

NELLIE: Stop playing for sympathy, this isn’t Jack and the Beanstalk you know.

BUGSY: No, but it still has an old cow in it. [exits SL]

NELLIE: Hopefully my next TA won’t be so cheeky.

Enter Marion [SR]

MARION: Hello, Nellie!

NELLIE: [to audience] This is Lady Marion, isn’t she lovely?

MARION: I’ve just seen Bugsy and he seemed really upset.

NELLIE: That’s because I’ve just sacked him.

MARION: But Bugsy’s been with you forever Nellie.

NELLIE: Two years actually, it just seems like it’s been forever.

MARION: But where will you find another TA willing to work for nothing?

NELLIE: Bugsy didn’t work for nothing, he got paid in kind.

MARION: What kind of kind?

NELLIE: [to audience] Steady on now! He got free board and lodgings Marion.

MARION: How come you didn’t pay him money?

NELLIE: I can’t afford it due to government cuts.

MARION: What have they cut now?

NELLIE: Everything. I’ve even had to recycle the kid’s exercise books.

MARION: How can you recycle exercise books?

NELLIE: By cutting them into squares and hanging them in the loo.

MARION: That can’t be very nice for the children.

NELLIE: They must learn to take the rough with the smooth, Marion.

MARION: But your new TA might want paid with money, Nellie.

NELLIE: Good point. I’ll tell Bugsy he can have his old job back.

Music cue 2: Enter Robin [SL]

ROBIN: Hello Marion.

MARION: Robin!

ROBIN: Who’s this, Marion?

MARION: This is my new boyfriend, Robin Hood.

NELLIE: I notice you’re wearing tights Robin.

ROBIN: Yes, I find them very comfortable for swinging.

NELLIE: Which way?

ROBIN: Anyway I feel like.

NELLIE: He seems a confused young man, Marion.

MARION: Robin isn’t confused Nellie, but I think you might be.