Aladdin And His Wonderful Lamp

SCENE ONE

OUTSIDE TWANKEY’S LAUNDRETTE

A large laundry basket is [USL] Music cue 3: Chorus. After song ends…

Enter Wishee [SL]

WISHEE: Hiya kids! Dearie me, I thought we had an audience in today.

CHORUS 1: Maybe their parents taught them not talk to strangers.

WISHEE: I’m not strange!

CHORUS 2: That’s a matter of opinion.

CHORUS 3: Why don’t you introduce yourself to them?

WISHEE: Okay. Hiya boys and girls! I’m Wishee Washee and this is Twankey’s Laundrette, where I work. Well, some of the time. I like things nice and friendly, so, every time I come on, I’ll shout Wishee! Wishee! Wishee! And you all shout back, Washee! Washee! Washee! Will you do that? Let’s have a practice then. [exits and re-enters] Wishee! Wishee! Wishee! Now let’s try it again with all the mums and dads joining in this time. [repeats business] Fantastic!

CHORUS 4: Shouldn’t you be in the laundrette helping your mum, Wishee?

WISHEE: Yes, but I’m sure she’ll manage on her own.

CHORUS 1: And we’re sure your job’s on the line.

CHORUS 2: Literally.

WISHEE: What do you mean?

CHORUS 3: [indicating a note pegged to the washing line] Look, Wishee!

WISHEE: What’s this? [reads note] LAUNDRY ASSISTANT WANTED – WISHEE WON’T WASHEE! Oh, no! Mum must be thinking of making me redundant!

CHORUS 4: You’ve always been redundant, Wishee.

WISHEE: I don’t see any of you lot busy.

CHORUS 1: We’re busy right now.

WISHEE: Doing what?

CHORUS 2: Taking the mickey out of you.

WISHEE: Well clear off and take it out of somebody else.

Exit Chorus laughing [SL]

WISHEE: I might be lazy, but I’m not as lazy as my brother Aladdin. He’s too lazy to even blow his own nose. He just sticks his head out the window and lets the wind blow it for him. Although he’s never too lazy to chase after girls.

Enter Aladdin [SR]

ALADDIN: Good morning, Wishee! What a wonderful day it is today!

WISHEE: Well, it might be for some of us.

ALADDIN: It’s on days like this I almost wish I had a job, then I could take the day off.

WISHEE: You do have a job, Aladdin. Working in mum’s laundrette?

ALADDIN: Speaking of which. Would you mind doing my shift today, Wishee? Only I have something important to see to.

WISHEE: Yes, I would mind! [in Aladdin’s face] I’m sick of shifting soiled shirts, socks and shorts, that you should be shifting instead of skiving!

ALADDIN: [wipes an eye] There’s nothing like spitting it out, Wishee. Allow me to present you with a peach offering.

WISHEE: Don’t you mean a peace offering?

ALADDIN: No, a peach. [produces a peach]

WISHEE: Where did you get that peach?

ALADDIN: From the royal palace gardens.

WISHEE: You risked your life, for a peach!?

ALADDIN: No! I was trying to catch sight of Princess Pekoe. Now there’s a peach worth risking my life for.

WISHEE: But it’s certain death for anybody caught looking at the Princess.

ALADDIN: The palace guards aren’t clever enough to catch me, Wishee.

WISHEE: Anyway, I’ve lost my appetite.

ALADDIN: Since when?

WISHEE: Since mum pinned this note to the washing-line. [shows note] Look!

ALADDIN: Don’t take any notice Wishee. Mum’s always saying stuff she doesn’t mean.

WISHEE: I know, but this time it’s in writing.

Enter Twankey [SL] struggling with a basket of laundry.

TWANKEY: This washing from the local gym weighs a ton! I think somebody left their dumbbells inside.

ALADDIN: Hello, mum!

TWANKEY: Speaking of dumbbells – I’m surprised to see you both here.

WISHEE: What do you mean, mum?

TWANKEY: You usually scarper when there’s work to be done. Whereas I spend every day slaving away. I sometimes feel as though life is slowly passing me by.

ALADDIN: It might have started off slow mum, but I think it’s lapping you now.

TWANKEY: Cheek! I might not be as young as I once was, but there’s still life in the old boiler, if it’s stoked hard enough. Your late father was hopeless with boilers – and everything else for that matter.

WISHEE: I don’t ever remember dad.

TWANKEY: That’s because you were born eleven months after he died, Wishee.

WISHEE: How could I have been born eleven months after dad died?

TWANKEY: You were a late baby – and you’ve been late ever since. You both take after your father for laziness. His motto was, ‘if I can’t reach it sitting down, then I don’t really need it.’ Council workers moved faster than him. Before we wed, he promised that life with him would be like a fairytale. And it was – Grimm.

ALADDIN: Have you put on weight, mum?

TWANKEY: I might’ve add the odd ounce, what’s it to you?

WISHEE: I thought you were on a diet.

TWANKEY: I am, but I’ve had a lot on my plate recently.

ALADDIN: I certainly looks like it.

TWANKEY: I meant stress wise! And whenever women get stressed, we tend to eat lots of chocolate.

WISHEE: That woman on the third row must be mega stressed.

TWANKEY: You’ll have to excuse him, dear. When he was a baby, a heavy camera dropped on his head, and he never fully developed.

ALADDIN: What have you got to be stressed about, mum?

TWANKEY: Let me think now. I’m a poor widow who runs a laundrette which is losing money and has two sons who move slower than a snail on tranquilisers. Apart from that, everything’s in the garden’s rosy.

SFX: Explosion – smoke pours onstage.

WISHEE: It sounds like the old boiler’s blown a gasket again, mum.

TWANKEY: That’s the third time this month.

ALADDIN: Why don’t just you buy a new one?

TWANKEY: I can’t afford a new one.

WISHEE: How come?

TWANKEY: Because the laundry business is all washed up. [laughs] All washed up? What’s that in your hand Aladdin?

ALADDIN: It’s a peach, mum.

TWANKEY: We can’t afford fresh fruit. You haven’t been shoplifting, have you?

ALADDIN: No mum, it’s from the palace gardens.

TWANKEY: Don’t tell me you’ve been trying to see that Princess
Pekoe again.

ALADDIN: Yes, mum. They say that she’s the most beautiful girl in all China.

TWANKEY: But if you’re caught, you might lose your head! Not that you use it mind.

SFX: Police whistles.