Aladdin And His Wonderful Lamp (Perusal)

Scene One

Outside Twankey’s Launderette In Peking Square

Chorus of Citizens are discovered onstage. Music cue 3: Citizens.  After song ends…

Wishee bounds on (SL)

Wishee
(to audience) Hiya kids! (audience respond) Dearie me. (to Chorus) I thought someone said we had an audience in today?

Chorus 1
Maybe their mums and dads told them never to talk to strangers.

Wishee
I’m not strange!

Chorus 2
That’s a matter of opinion, an’ all.

Chorus 3
(to Wishee) Why don’t you try telling them your name?

Wishee
Well if they’d put their hands in their pockets and bought a programme, they’d know it. (relents) I suppose I’d better. (to audience) Hiya kids! I’m Wishee Washee and this…(pointing to the launderette)…is my mum’s launderette, where I work. Well, some of the time. Now to make sure you remember my name, every time I come on I’ll shout ‘Wishee-Wishee-Wishee’! And I want you to all shout back ‘Washee-Washee-Washee’! Will you do that for me? (audience respond) Let’s have a practice then. (exits and re-enters) Wishee-Wishee-Wishee! (audience respond) That wasn’t bad. Now let’s try it again, with all the mums and dads joining in this time. (repeats business, picking up a bag of sweets as he re-enters) Fantastic! Now don’t forget, will you. And now I suppose you’ll want a reward, won’t you? (audience respond) Okay, here you go then. (throws out the sweets)

Chorus 3
Hey Wishee! Shouldn’t you be in the launderette helping your mum?

Wishee
I suppose I should really. But I’m sure she’ll manage on her own.

Chorus 4
I’d think again if I were you. Your job is on the line.

Chorus 1
Literally! (pointing to a note pegged to the washing line) Look!

Wishee
What’s this? (removes the note and reads) ‘Laundry Assistant Wanted’. Wishee won’t washee’! Oh, no! Mum must be thinking of making me redundant!

Chorus 2
You’ve always been redundant, Wishee.

Chorus laugh.

Aladdin enters (SR)

Aladdin
(brightly) Good morning Wishee! Isn’t it a wonderful day, today?

Wishee
Well it is for some of us.

Aladdin
It’s on days like this, I almost wish I had a job. Then I could take the day off.

Chorus 3
But you do have a job Aladdin. Working in your mum’s launderette.

Aladdin
I meant a proper job. Anyway, when I’m not there Wishee doesn’t mind doing my shift. (to Wishee) Do you Wishee?

Wishee
I do, actually! (close to Aladdin’s face) I’m sincerely sick of standing in for your shift and shifting soiled shirts that you should be shifting instead of skiving!

Aladdin
(wiping spit from his face) Well there’s nothing like spitting it out, is there. Allow me to present you with a peach offering, Wishee.

Wishee
Don’t you mean a ‘peace’ offering?

Aladdin
No, a ‘peach offering’. (produces a peach and offers it to him) Here.

Wishee
No thanks, I’ve lost my appetite.

Aladdin
Since when?

Wishee
Since mum pinned this note to the washing-line. (shows Aladdin the note)

Aladdin
(reads it) I wouldn’t take any notice of that, Wishee. Mum’s always saying things she doesn’t mean.

Wishee
I hope you’re right, Aladdin. Anyway, where did you get that peach from?

Aladdin
From the palace gardens.

Chorus 4
You mean you risked your life, for a peach?

Aladdin
No, I was trying to catch a glimpse of Princess Pomegranate.  (to audience) Now there’s a peach worth risking your life for.

Wishee
But it’s certain death, for anyone caught looking at the Princess.

Aladdin
Don’t worry Wishee, the palace guards aren’t clever enough to catch me.

Widow Twankey enters (SL) carrying a basket full of washing.

Twankey
Oooh! This washing weighs a ton. It’s from the local gym and I think someone’s left their dumbbells inside. (puts the basket down) And speaking of ‘dumbbells’. (to Aladdin & Wishee) I’m surprised to see you both here. You usually scarper when there’s work to be done. Whereas I seem to spend all day slaving away. I sometimes feel as though life is slowly passing me by.

Chorus 1
Well it might have started off slow, but I think it’s lapping you now.

Twankey
Cheek! I might not be as young as I was, but there’s still life in the old boiler…if it’s stoked hard enough. (wryly) The only problem is finding a willing stoker. My late husband was hopeless with boilers…and everything else for that matter. Before we married he promised that life with him, would be like a fairytale. And it was…’Grimm’. I told the neighbours that he worked at the palace, ‘cos he was always away at his majesty’s pleasure. I’d better introduce myself, hadn’t I? I’m Widow Twankey, Launderette owner and mother of two sons. This…(indicates Wishee)…wet dish-rag is my youngest, ‘Wishee Washee’. And the other one is called…erm…(thinks for a bit)…no don’t tell me, it’s…

Aladdin
…Aladdin?

Twankey
That’s right. (to audience) Only I see so little of you, it’s hard to remember. (to audience) Do you know, the last time he entered the house, I mistook him for a  burglar and called the police.

SFX:  Strange noises offstage and steam and smoke pour out from the launderette.

Chorus 2
It sounds like your boiler’s sprung another leak, Mrs. T.

Chorus 3
(to rest of Chorus) I think we should clear off in case it blows up.

Chorus 4
I think you’re right.

Chorus hurry off (SR)

Twankey
That’s the third time this month, that old boiler has sprung a leak.

Aladdin
Then why don’t just you get a new one?

Twankey
I can’t afford a new one.

Wishee  
Surely the Launderette makes enough money.

Twankey
You must be joking! The laundry business is all washed-up. (laughs to audience) ‘All washed-up’? Oh, never mind. (spots the Peach in Aladdin’s hand) What’s that in your hand Aladdin?

Aladdin
It’s a peach, mum.

Twankey
But we’re too poor to afford fresh fruit. ‘Ere, you haven’t been shoplifting have you?

Aladdin
Of course not mum. It’s from the palace gardens.

Twankey
(exclaims) Don’t tell me you’ve been trying to see the Princess again!

Aladdin
I’m sorry, mum. But they say that Princess Pomegranete, is the most beautiful girl in all China. And I’m determined to get a look at her, no matter what the danger.

Twankey
But if you get caught, the Emperor will have you decaffeinated!

SFX: Police whistles.

Wishee
It’s the police! Somebody must have spotted you Aladdin!

Aladdin
Oh my, gosh! I need to hide!

Wishee
Quick, Aladdin! Get inside the laundry basket!

Aladdin
Right’o. (climbs inside basket, dropping the peach on the floor next to it)

Music cue 4: Police Officers Feng and Shui enter (SR) with truncheons drawn and blowing their whistles

Twankey
(to Officers) What are you blowing you whistles for, now? Is someone offside?

Feng
No. Someone’s been pinching peaches from Princess Pomegranate’s private palace pagoda! And that’s not easy to say with these teeth.

Shui
And we think it might be Aladdin.

Twankey
How very dare   you!   My   Aladdin   would   never   pinch   peaches   from  Princess Pomegranate’s private palace pagoda.

Wishee
Well done, mum. You managed to say that without your false teeth falling out.

Twankey
I don’t have false teeth! (raising a fist) But you might need some in a minute.

Wishee
(to Feng & Shui) Anyway, it couldn’t have been Aladdin.

Feng
Why not?

Wishee
‘Cos he’s been up to his armpits in work all morning. (to Twankey) Hasn’t he mum?

Twankey
(playing along) That’s right. Work-work-work! That’s all my Aladdin knows.

Shui
Now I know you’re lying.

Twankey
What do you mean?

Feng
Well everybody knows that Aladdin, is the laziest boy in all Peking.

Twankey
(aside to audience) I can’t really argue there.

Shui
(spots the Peach on the floor) ‘Ello, ello, ello! What’s this ‘ere, then? (picks it up)

Feng
(looking closely at it) It’s a peach from the palace gardens!

Wishee
How do you know that peach is from the palace gardens?

Shui
Because all royal peaches are stamped with a little crown. (shows him) See?

Feng
(to Twankey & Wishee) Which means, that one of you must have pinched it.

Wishee
Oh no, we didn’t!

Feng & Shui
Oh yes, you did!

Wishee
Oh no, we…!

Twankey
(interrupting)….Don’t say another word, Wishee. We have the right to remain silent.

Shui
In that case, we’ll have to take you both to the station

Wishee
What for?

Shui
(tapping his truncheon in his hand) For interrogation.

Feng
(tapping his truncheon in his hand) Interrogation.

Wishee
(scared) I don’t want to be interrogated, mum!

Twankey
Well I don’t mind. It’s ages since I’ve been integrated.

Aladdin throws back the basket lid and stands up, covered in washing.

Aladdin
Leave them alone! It was me who pinched that peach.

Wishee
(to Feng & Shui) See? I told you he was up to his armpits in work, didn’t I?

Feng
(to Aladdin) Aladdin Twankey. You’re under arrest for pinching peaches, from Princess Pomegranate’s private palace pagoda.

Twankey
Oh please don’t arrest him officer! I’m sure he didn’t mean any harm.

Wishee
No. He only wanted to cop a look at the Princess. (to Aladdin) Didn’t you Aladdin?

Shui
And that’s even worse!

Twankey
(worried) How do you mean, worse?

Feng 
It’s forbidden for any commoner to look upon the face of the Princess.

Shui
And the penalty for doing so, is death!

Twankey
Death! (swoons) Ooohh!

Wishee
Don’t worry Aladdin, I know how you can get out of this.

Aladdin
How?

Wishee
Run!

Aladdin
Good idea Wishee! (thumbs his nose at Feng & Shui) See ya! (runs off SL)

Feng & Shui
Come back here! (they chase after Aladdin)

Twa & Wish
Run Aladdin!

Wishee
If they ever catch him, Aladdin will be in big trouble.

Twankey
That’s nothing compared to the trouble you’re going to be in.

Wishee
What have I done now?

Twankey
‘Cop a look at the Princess’! (rolling up sleeves) Well now you’re going to ‘cop’ it!

Wishee
Owherrr! (runs off around the stage)

Chorus re-enter (SR) and see Twankey chasing Wishee around stage.

Chorus 1
What’s going on here then?

Chorus 2
Maybe they’re in training for the London Marathon.

Chorus 3
I doubt it. Widow Twankey couldn’t run up an overdraft, without getting breathless.

Chorus laugh.

Twankey
(stops running) Cheek! I’m fit as a butcher’s dog!

Wishee
You look like one, too.

Twankey
(advancing on him) Why you cheeky little…!

Wishee
Owherr! (runs off into the launderette)

Twankey
(to Chorus) I’m going inside to drag Wishee out here, and I’d advise you all too clear off before I do.

Chorus 4
Why?

Twankey
Because I’m about to murder him in cold-blood!

Chorus 5
Do you mind if we video it on our mobiles, and post it on youtube?

Twankey
(to audience) People are so desensitised these days, aren’t they? I blame all those violent video games. (to Chorus) Go on clear off, you heartless ghouls! (shoos them off SR)

Music cue 5: Lights dim as Abanazer enters (SL)

Abanazer
Peking at last. (to audience) Now all I have to do is find this boy Aladdin, and untold power will be within my grasp. (spots Twankey) Pardon me, old woman.

Twankey
‘Old woman’? How dare you!

Abanazer
Please accept my humble apologies. (to audience) I should have said old ‘hag’.

Twankey
I haven’t seen you around here before. What’s your name?

Abanazer
My name is ‘Abanazer’.

Twankey
What-anazar?

Abanazer
Aba, Aba!

Twankey
Abba? Oh, I love them! (sings) Take a chance on me! Take a chance on me!

Abanazer
No thank you. I’m looking for a young boy called ‘Aladdin’. Do you know of him?

Twankey
Well I ought to. I’m his mum.

Abanazer
You mean to say, I’m talking to my dear sister-in-law?

Twankey
(exclaims) Sister-in-law!?

Abanazer
Yes. I am your husband’s long lost brother.

Twankey
I never even knew he had a brother, let alone lost one. Mind you, he always was careless. He kept losing all his money in the betting shop.

Abanazer
And I didn’t know I had a brother, until I recently discovered the terrible truth.

Twankey
Think yourself lucky. I married it.

Abanazer
You see, my parents were desperately poor and couldn’t afford to feed two children. So they gave me away when I was only a baby.

Twankey
Well looking at how you’ve turned out, I don’t blame them.

Abanazer
But I bear them no ill will. I’m sure they only did what they thought best

Twankey
I must say, you have a very forgiving nature…for a man.

SFX: Clanking machine noise.

Wishee runs in from the launderette.

Wishee
Wishee-Wishee-Wishee! (audience respond) Mum! Come quick!  The washer’s playing up again!

Twankey
Never mind that now. Allow me to introduce you to your long lost, Uncle Ali Baba.

Abanazer
It’s ‘Abanazer’ and I come with a wonderful proposal for you, Aladdin.

Wishee
I’m not Aladdin, I’m Wishee Washee.

Abanazer
Then where is Aladdin?

Wishee
He’s hiding from the law.

Abanazer
(exclaims) Hiding from the law!?

Twankey stands behind Abanazer shaking her head at Wishee.

Wishee
(spots Twankey) Oh, yes…he’s…er…taking part in a charity hide-and-seek, for retired policemen.

Aladdin runs on (SR)

Twankey
Speak of the devil.

Wishee
Hello, Aladdin! Are you hiding or seeking now?

Aladdin
(puzzled) Pardon?

Twankey
Aladdin! You’re just in time to meet your long lost uncle, Albania.

Abanazer
(snaps) It’s ‘Abanazer’! (to Aladdin) I’m your father’s younger brother.

Aladdin
I didn’t even know father had a brother.

Abanazer
I only recently found out, myself. And now I intend to make you and your family, extremely rich.

Wishee
How?

Twankey
Maybe he’s won the lottery, and wants to share his wealth with us!

Abanazer
Not quite.

Aladdin
Then how do you intend to make us all rich?

Abanazer
Deep in the mountains there lies a cave, holding untold treasure. Oh, and an old lamp. Fetch me the lamp, and you can keep all the treasure for yourself.

Wishee
Why don’t you fetch it yourself? Then you can have the lamp and the treasure too.

Abanazer
I’m too large to squeeze through the narrow entrance. But a young slip of a boy like you, could easily manage it.

Twankey
How come you don’t want any of the loot?

Abanazer
I’m rich enough. But my hobby is collecting curios, which is why I‘m after the old lamp.

Aladdin
(to audience) What do you think boys and girls? Should I trust him? (audience respond)

Abanazer
Ignore them. They’re only jealous.

Aladdin
(to Twankey and Wishee) What do you two think?

Wishee
I think I’d like to be extremely rich.

Twankey
And at least then we could afford a new washing machine.

Aladdin
(to Abanazer) Okay uncle, I’ll do it.

Abanazer
A wise decision, Aladdin.  I’ll just go and fetch some mountaineering equipment, and then return for you. (aside to audience as he exits) Soon all the power in the world will be mine! (exits SL laughing)

Twankey
I’ve waited years for my ship to come in, and now it feels like a whole fleet’s just arrived.  Music cue 6: Twankey, Aladdin and Wishee. After song ends…

Music cue 7: Feng and Shui enter (SR) Aladdin partially hides behind Wishee.

Feng & Shui
Make way for the Emperor! Make way for the Emperor!

Chorus rush on (SL) and all get into position ready to greet the Emperor.

The Emperor enters (SR)

Emperor
Citizens of Peking, I have a great announcement to make! I have decreed that my daughter, the Princess Pomegranate should marry within the week. Suitors for her hand are invited to present themselves tomorrow at the palace. But only incredibly rich Royal Princes’ need apply. Also, the Princess will shortly be making her daily visit to the bath-house, and no commoner must gaze upon her. Everyone must clear the streets before she arrives, or face arrest and immediate execution. Music cue 8:

Feng
(looking off SR) The Princess Pomegranate approaches!

Shui
(to Chorus) Clear the streets! Clear the streets!

Twankey
(to Wishee and Aladdin) Come on boys, let’s clear off.

Aladdin
No mum, I want to stay and present my credentials to the Princess.

Twankey
Don’t be disgusting, Aladdin! Anyway, he said only rich Royal Princes’ need apply. Now come along before the cops spot you. (drags them off SL)

Feng and Shui clear herd the Chorus off (SL) and follow them.

A curtained sedan-chair enters (SR) carried by Bearers. So-Shy, follows on, with several Guards.

Princess
Halt!

The chair is set down (CS) the curtains open and the Princess emerges.

Princess
Oh, not again!

Emperor
What’s wrong daughter dear?

Princess
There’s no one here, father.

Emperor
That’s because it’s forbidden for commoners, to gaze upon your royal features.

Princess
But why can’t people look at me?

Emperor
Because it would go against all our ancient traditions.

Princess
Well I’m sick of ancient traditions. Why can’t we start some new ones for a change?

Emperor
Such as?

Princess
Such as allowing me to meet ordinary people, and letting me choose who I wish to marry.

Emperor
Don’t you trust me to find you a suitable husband, Pomegranate?

Princess
I’m sure you mean well father. But I want to marry for love, not convenience.

Emperor
That’s all well and good, but the royal coffers are chronically short of cash. So you must marry someone rich enough to restore our royal fortunes.

So-Shy
(aside to Princess) No pressure then.

Emperor
Things are that bad, I might have to make even more cutbacks to the royal staff.

Princess
But you’ve already made most of them, redundant. So-shy’s the only hand-maiden I have left.

Emperor
Well if you marry a rich Prince, then the issue won’t arise will it? Now I’m off back to the palace, to see about pawning the family silver. (exits)

Princess
Father certainly knows how to put the guilt trip on me, doesn’t he So-Shy?

So-shy
Yes, and it usually works. I think I’ll pop into Twankey’s Launderette, and see if they’re hiring staff.

Princess
You’re not thinking of leaving the palace are you, So-shy?

So-shy
I don’t want to. But I have to keep my options open, I case I’m made redundant.

Princess
But I’d miss you terribly if you left.

So-shy
And I’d miss you too, your highness. But I must earn a living.

Princess
I understand So-Shy. I’ll wait here while you go inside and enquire.

So-Shy
Okay, I won’t be long.

Bearer 1
(to So-Shy) We’re coming with you.

So-Shy
What for?

Bearer 2
Well we might be made redundant too.

So-Shy
Fair enough, I suppose.

So-Shy and Bearers exit into the launderette.

Princess
(sighs) When will this awful austerity ever end? (turns and walks DSR)

Aladdin creeps on (DSL)

Aladdin
(whispers to audience) I managed to give mum the slip, and returned to see the Princess. (spots her) That must be her! Gosh she’s beautiful. I wonder if I should dare speak to her. (to audience) Do you think I should, boys and girls? (audience respond) I will then. After all, who dares wins. (moves to her) Hello Princess!

Princess
(startled – turns and recognises him) It’s you!

Aladdin
(taken aback) Is it? (curious) And…who exactly, do you think I am?

Princess
You’re the boy who pinched a peach, from the palace gardens.

Aladdin
You mean you saw me?

Princess
Yes! And if my father the Emperor ever found out, you would lose your head.

Aladdin
I don’t mind risking my head, for my heart’s desire.

Princess
And what might that be?

Aladdin
Why your highness, of course.

Princess
(flattered) And what is your name, my bold thief?

Aladdin
‘Aladdin’ your highness. I’m not really a thief, but I do sometimes go scrumping.

Princess
‘Scrumping’? Isn’t that just another name for stealing?

Aladdin
No…er…yes…sort of. You’re not going to dob me in are you, Princess?

Princess
No, Aladdin. And you may call me ‘Pomegranate’.

Aladdin
Thank you your highness…I mean…Pomegranate. I must say I’m surprised to see you here alone. I always thought you weren’t allowed outside the palace unattended.

Princess
But I’m not unattended.

Aladdin
Really! (looking around) Then where are your guards?

Princess
They’re inside Twankey’s Launderette with my handmaiden, enquiring after a job.

Aladdin
They won’t have any luck there, I’m afraid.

Princess
And what makes you say that?

Aladdin
Because it’s my mum’s launderette, and we can barely afford to employ ourselves. Don’t they want to work for you anymore, then?

Princess
Yes, but the palace might not be able to afford to employ them for much longer.

Aladdin
Don’t tell me the royal mint’s skint.

Princess
Not quite, but it’s got a great big hole in it.

Aladdin
Sounds like a royal Polo Mint, to me. (laughs)

Princess
It’s no laughing matter Aladdin.

Aladdin
I’m sorry Pomegranate, but money isn’t everything you know.

Princess
Try telling that to my father.

Aladdin
Look at me, I’m poor but happy. I’m even happier, now that I’ve met you.

Princess
And I’m happy I’ve met you Aladdin. If only father would realise, that there’s more to life than money. Like happiness…kindness…

Aladdin
(smitten)…Love?

Princess
Especially…(also smitten)…love.

Aladdin
I couldn’t agree more. Music cue 9: Aladdin and Princess. After song ends…

So-Shy and Bearers re-enter from the launderette.

So-Shy
No luck I’m afraid. (seeing Aladdin with the Princess) Hey, you!

Aladdin
(looks about then points to himself) Who, me?

So-Shy

Yes, you! Don’t you realise you’re risking your life, speaking to the Princess?

Aladdin
Yes, but I would risk anything for her.

Princess
(sighs) He’s totally brave, isn’t he So-Shy?

So-Shy
Totally ‘stupid’ more like.

SFX: Police whistles.

Aladdin
Oh, crumbs!

So-Shy
Time to go your highness! (bundles Pomegranate into the sedan)

Princess
What are you doing So-Shy?

So-Shy
Saving your friend’s life!

Aladdin
Saving my life?

So-Shy
(to Aladdin) Yes! If the police see you with the Princess, you’re sure to be executed.

Princess
She’s right Aladdin, I must go.

Aladdin
When can I see you again?

Princess
Well there are plenty more peaches in the royal garden, just waiting to be ‘scrumped’. Bye Aladdin! (kisses him on the cheek and climbs inside the sedan)

So-Shy
(to Bearers) Mush!

Bearers lift the sedan chair and carry it off (USL) So-Shy follows on behind.

Aladdin
(dreamily) Gosh! I can’t believe that I’ve just been kissed by a Princess!

Aladdin stares after her sighing dreamily, and doesn’t notice Feng and Shui sneaking on (SR) until they have grabbed hold of him.

Feng
Aladdin Twankey! You’re under arrest!

Aladdin
For what?

Shui
For pinching the royal peaches!

Aladdin
I never touched her peaches! It was only a kiss on the cheek!

Feng
And now you’ve just made things even worse for yourself.

Shui
He can’t have.

Feng
Why can’t he?

Shui
Well he’s already facing the death penalty. And it can’t get much worse than that, can it?

Feng
Oh yes, it can.

Aladdin
How?

Shui
They might torture you first.

Aladdin
I wish I hadn’t asked now.

Shui
(tugging at Aladdin’s arm) Let’s go Aladdin.

Aladdin
(pointing SL behind them) Look! The Emperor’s here!

They let go of him and turn to (SL) and bow. Meanwhile, Aladdin runs off (SR)

Feng & Shui
(bowing) Your majesty…! (look up and realise they’ve been tricked)

Feng
He’s tricked us!

Shui
After him!

They turn and run after Aladdin.

Twankey
(calling off) Aladdin!

Twankey and Wishee enter (SL)

Wishee
Wishee! Wishee! Wishee! (audience respond) We’ll never find him, mum. Aladdin’s far too good at hiding.

Twankey
You’re probably right, Wishee. Your brother’s slippier than an M.P on Question Time.

Female Chorus Members run on (SR)

Chorus. M
Mrs Twankey! Mrs Twankey!

Twankey
Whatever’s the matter girls?

Chorus 1
It’s about your son, Aladdin!

Twankey
I’m almost too afraid to ask.  But what’s he done now?

Chorus 2
We’re not sure.

Chorus 3
But knowing Aladdin, it probably involves the Princess.

Chorus 4
He’s just run past us, with two police officers chasing after him.

Twankey
It doesn’t look like they’re giving up this time, Wishee.

Wishee
Don’t worry mum, they’ll never catch him.

Twankey
Well not if we catch him first, they won’t. (to Wishee) Come on Wishee.

Twankey and Wishee run off (SR)