Aladdin A Genie-us Panto

SCENE ONE

OUTSIDE TWANKEY’S LAUNDRETTE

A practical door is [USR] with a small bench next it. A large laundry basket is [USC] Music cue 4: Chorus. After song ends…Exit Chorus [SL]

Enter Wishee from Laundrette.

WISHEE: Hello boys and girls! My name’s Wishee Washee, and I’m the toughest, strongest laundry boy in all of Peking! I’m fully trained in Karate, Sushi, and Origami! Who wants to be in my gang? Whenever I come on, I’ll shout hiya gang, and you all shout back hiya Wishee! Let’s have a practice. [exits – re-enters] Hiya gang! That wasn’t very loud. Let’s try it again. [repeats business] That’s better. You’re now all members of, Wishee’s Washup Gang. Which means that whenever mum asks me to wash a load of dirty, smelly laundry. You must all lend a hand. [laughs] I’m only joking!

Enter Chorus members screaming, followed by Widow Twankey on a bicycle with a basket at the front holding laundry.

TWANKEY: Gangway! Runaway laundry!

Wishee and Chorus move aside and Twankey careers off into wing [SR]

SFX: Crashing sounds.

Enter Twankey [SR] staggering on draped in laundry.

WISHEE: What on earth are you doing, mum?

TWANKEY: I had to collect loads of laundry and thought I’d use the shop bike.

WISHEE: But the brakes on that old thing are dead dodgy.

TWANKEY: So I’ve just discovered.

WISHEE: You could’ve caused somebody a nasty injury just then, mum.

TWANKEY: I think I have – me. [rubs bum] Ooooh! I think my big end’s gone.

WISHEE: No mum, I’m afraid it’s still there.

TWANKEY: Watch it! Here, put these clothes in the laundry basket.

WISHEE: Okey-dokey.

CHORUS 1: Didn’t you notice the speed limit sign, Mrs Twankey?

TWANKEY: Yes, but I was going too fast to read it.

CHORUS 2: You might get a speeding ticket now Mrs T.

TWANKEY: And where is the proof that I was speeding?

CHORUS 3: The speed camera will have snapped your face.

CHORUS 4: That’s another one bust, then.

TWANKEY: Cheek! Clear off the lot of you, before I kick you all up the dim sums!

Exit Chorus [SL] laughing.

Enter Aladdin [SR]

ALADDIN: Hello you two!

TWANKEY: Aladdin! Where have you been all morning?

ALADDIN: Here and there.

WISHEE: Doing what?

ALADDIN: This and that.

TWANKEY: You didn’t go anywhere near the royal palace, did you?

ALADDIN: I might’ve done.

WISHEE: Don’t tell me you’re still trying to catch a glimpse of Princess Yasmin.

TWANKEY: Especially when you know the penalty if you’re caught.

ALADDIN: But the thought of seeing her is driving me out of my mind!

WISHEE: If you ask me, you’re already out of your mind, Aladdin.

SFX: Police whistles.

ALADDIN: It’s the police!

TWANKEY: Somebody must’ve spotted you near the palace!

ALADDIN: I’d better hide! But where?

WISHEE: Inside this laundry basket, where else?

ALADDIN: Good idea Wishee. [climbs inside]

Enter Yin and Yang [SR] blowing whistles.

YIN: Where is Aladdin?

WISHEE: [pointing SL] He went that-a-way.

YANG: Let’s get after him Constable Yin!

YIN: Forget it Constable Yang. Princess Yasmin will be arriving shortly, and we must remind everybody about the royal protocol.

TWANKEY: But we already know the royal protocol.

YIN: Yes, but this lot…[indicates audience]…won’t. Tell them, Constable Yang.

YANG: People peeking at the Princess, will perish particularly painfully.

YIN: Whenever she enters you must keep your eyes shut tight until she exits.

WISHEE: And she’s on quite a bit, so you’ll probably miss a lot of the action.

YIN: When you see Aladdin, tell him we want to question him.

TWANKEY: You’ll be wasting your time. He can’t even get those stupid questions on the TV competitions right. You know the ones. What do you call the big bright yellow thing in the sky? A: A Mirage? B: The Sun? Or C: A fried egg?

YANG: I entered that one!

YIN: What answer did you put down?

YANG: A fried egg.

YIN: Why on earth did you put a fried egg?

YANG: I thought it might be a trick question.

WISHEE: How could anybody be that stupid?

TWANKEY: Beats me, but you’d give him a run for his money.

YIN: Let’s go Constable Egghead.

Exit Yin and Yang [SL]

WISHEE: You can come out now, Aladdin.

ALADDIN: [climbing out] I don’t know why the police have always got it in for me.

WISHEE: Me neither, considering all the times you’ve helped them with their enquiries.

TWANKEY: It’s a mystery all right.

ALADDIN: Never mind the police, I have some marvellous news mum!

TWANKEY: Don’t tell me they’ve found a cure for idleness.

WISHEE: They haven’t, have they!?

ALADDIN: Relax Wishee, it’s not that.

TWANKEY: Then what is it?

ALADDIN: I’ve decided to get married.

TWANKEY: That’s a bolt from the green!

ALADDIN: Don’t you mean, blue?

TWANKEY: No, green. I’m colour blind. So, who’s the lucky girl then?

WISHEE: Is it that girl from the shoe shop, who took an instant shine to you?

ALADDIN: No, Wishee.

TWANKEY: Is it her from the fish shop who thinks you’re a good catch?

ALADDIN: No, mum.

WISHEE: Is it that optician’s receptionist who keeps giving you the eye?

ALADDIN: No Wishee, she’s cross-eyed and it’s you she keeps looking at.

TWANKEY: Snap her up Wishee. Friends with benefits and all that?

WISHEE: What do you mean mum? Bearing in mind this is a family show.

TWANKEY: We’ll all be eligible for a family and friend’s discount.

WISHEE: I’m not going to date some cross-eyed girl, just so you can get a discount!

TWANKEY: It’s, self, self, self, with you Wishee, isn’t it?

WISHEE: Tell us who she is then, Aladdin.

ALADDIN: Princess Yasmin, of course.

TWANKEY: I need my hearing checking. I thought you said Princess Yasmin, just then.

ALADDIN: I did, mum.

TWANKEY: But everyone knows its death for commoners to look upon the Princess’s face.

WISHEE: Let alone anything else of hers.