SCENE ONE
MUNCHKINLAND
Music cue 2: Munchkins. After song ends…
SFX: Sound of a motorbike.
Munchkins panic.
MUNCHKIN 1: That sounds like Zelda on her motorised broomstick!
MUNCHKIN 2: She must have heard us enjoying ourselves.
MUNCHKIN 3: Why does she always have to spoil our fun?
MUNCHKIN 4: It’s probably because she’s an old misery guts.
MUNCHKIN 5: I doubt she even knows what fun is.
MUNCHKIN 1: I wish a house would fall from the sky and land on top of her pointy head!
MUNCHKIN 2: Fat chance of that ever happening.
SFX: Whistling-falling noise.
MUNCHKIN 3: [pointing up] Look!
Munchkins look up.
MUNCHKIN 4: What is it?
MUNCHKIN 5: It looks like a house falling from the sky!
MUNCHKIN 1: I’ve heard of it raining cats and dogs, but never houses!
MUNCHKIN 2: Run for your lives!
Exit Munchkins at a run – snap blackout.
SFX: Piercing scream followed by a loud crash.
Lights up, revealing a house protruding from the wing. Two legs wearing striped socks and Ruby Slippers poke out from underneath.
DOROTHY: [off] I think the storm has stopped, Aunt Em.
AUNT EM: Go outside and check if the washing’s dry, Dorothy.
Enter Dorothy from the house.
DOROTHY: Oh, my! I think you’d better come out here, Aunt Em!
AUNT EM: [off] Don’t tell me my bloomers have blown away!
DOROTHY: I think it’s us that’s been blown away!
Enter Aunt Em from the house.
AUNT EM: What are you talking about, Dorothy? ‘Ere, where’s my farm gone?
DOROTHY: The twister must’ve lifted the house up and dropped us here, Aunt Em.
AUNT EM: Yes, Dorothy, but whereabouts is here?
Enter Munchkins creeping on upstage.
DOROTHY: I don’t know, Aunt Em, but it doesn’t look like Kansas.
AUNT EM: [spots Munchkins] Don’t look now, Dorothy, but I think we might have landed in Neverland.
DOROTHY: [turns] Gosh, Aunt Em!
AUNT EM: I wonder which one’s Peter Pan?
MUNCHKIN 3: [pointing] Look! I can see legs underneath the house!
MUNCHKIN 4: And they’re wearing Zelda’s ruby slippers!
AUNT EM: [spots legs protruding from under the house] I don’t wish to alarm you, Dorothy, but we appear to have landed right on top of somebody.
DOROTHY: Oh, my! Do you think they’re dead, Aunt Em?
AUNT EM: I think there’s every chance, seeing as my house is parked on top of her.
DOROTHY: What are we going to do, Aunt Em?
AUNT EM: Check the house insurance for a start. I’m not sure it covers for squashing people flat.
MUNCHKIN 5: [checking Zelda’s legs] There’s no doubt about it; it’s Zelda all right.
MUNCHKIN 1:She’s been squashed flat!
DOROTHY: We’re really sorry, we didn’t mean to…
MUNCHKIN 2: How can we ever thank you, O great and powerful ones?
AUNT EM: Come again?
MUNCHKIN 3: We wished for a house to fall on Zelda.
MUNCHKIN 4: And you dropped one.
AUNT EM [snaps] That’s the drains! I’ve been meaning to get Dyno-Rod in.
MUNCHKIN 5: And to show our appreciation, we’d like to present you with these medals.
Two Munchkins hang medals around Dorothy and Aunt Em.
DOROTHY: I don’t understand it, Aunt Em. We squash somebody flat as a pancake, and they give us medals!
AUNT EM: It’s odd, I know, but who are we to question their local customs, Dorothy.
Enter Glinda [SR]
GLINDA: Perhaps I can explain.
AUNT EM: Oh, look, it’s Tinkerbell!
GLINDA: I’m not Tinkerbell, I’m Glinda The Good Witch of the North.
DOROTHY: But I thought all witches were bad.
GLINDA: There’s good and bad in everyone, dear, and witches are no exception.
DOROTHY: Would you mind telling us where we are?
GLINDA: You are in the wonderful land of Oz.
AUNT EM: Well, blow my digeridoo, we’ve landed in Australia!
GLINDA: It’s not that Oz. [checks Zelda’s legs] The Munchkins were right; you have squashed Zelda flat.
DOROTHY: Yes, and we’re very sorry.
GLINDA: Don’t be, my dear; you’ve done the whole of Oz a big favour.
AUNT EM: In what way exactly?
GLINDA: Zelda was a mean and horrible witch who caused nothing but trouble.
DOROTHY: Another witch?
AUNT EM: How many witches have you got here?
GLINDA: There are four witches in Oz. Well, three now. There’s me and my sister Letitia, who’s the good witch of the South. Zelda, who was the evil witch of the East, and her sister Olga, who is the witch of the West.
DOROTHY: Is Olga a good witch?
GLINDA: Dear me no, she’s even more wicked than her late sister. You must be very careful of her.
