SCENE ONE
SHERWOOD VILLAGE
Chorus of Villagers are onstage. Music cue 1: Chorus. After song ends…
Enter Maid Marion [SR]
MARION: Good morning, everybody!
CHORUS 1: Good morning, Lady Marion!
MARION: It’s wonderful to see you all enjoying yourselves for a change.
CHORUS 2: Once the Sheriff comes to collect our taxes, we’ll all be miserable again.
CHORUS 3:He barely leaves us enough to live on!
CHORUS 4: My kids live on bread and water!
CHORUS 5: My kids dress in rags!
CHORUS 1: My kids have no shoes!
CHORUS 2: My kids have eaten their shoes!
MARION: Cheer up everyone, all is not doom and gloom.
CHORUS 3: Have you got some good news for us, Marion?
MARION: Well, I’ve got some good news and some bad news.
CHORUS 4: What’s the bad news, Marion?
MARION: Prince John and Queen Arachnid are coming here today.
CHORUS: Boo!
CHORUS 5: And what’s the good news?
MARION: Robin Hood is planning an ambush!
CHORUS: Hooray!
CHORUS 1: If anybody can help us, it’s Robin Hood.
CHORUS 2: He’s our only hope.
CHORUS 3: [looks SL] Oh, look, here comes Pokem, the Sheriff’s idiot sidekick.
CHORUS 4: He’s probably going to announce yet another tax rise.
Enter Pokem [SL]
POKEM: Listen up you, peasants! The Sheriff is increasing your taxes as of today!
CHORUS 5: But he’s only just increased them!
POKEM: Nonsense! It’s ages since your taxes went up.
CHORUS 1: They went up last week!
POKEM: Exactly, ages ago. Lady Marion, why do you associate with these peasants?
MARION: Because they’re all my friends?
CHORUS 2: [looking SL] Watch out, everybody, here comes, the Sheriff!
Enter Sheriff [SL]
POKEM: Three cheers for the Sheriff! Hip-hip! Hooray! Hip-Hip…
SHERIFF: They’re not cheering, Pokem.
POKEM: Yes, Sheriff. [poking Chorus] Take that and that, and…
SHERIFF: What are you doing, Pokem?
POKEM: Poking them like you said, Sheriff.
SHERIFF: [kicks Pokem] You, are a blithering idiot!
POKEM: Yes, Sire. All together now. [sings] #For he’s a jolly good fellow, for he’s…#
SHERIFF: Shut up!
POKEM: Yes, Sire, at once, Sire, your wish is my command, Sire…
SHERIFF: I command you to shut up!
POKEM: Shutting up, Sire.
SHERIFF: Have you informed the peasants about the new tax rises yet?
POKEM: Yes, Sheriff, and they’re not happy about it.
CHORUS 3: We can’t afford any more tax rises!
SHERIFF: You peasants are always pleading poverty.
CHORUS 4: Maybe that’s because we’re poor!
SHERIFF: You seem to have plenty to spend on life’s little luxuries.
CHORUS 5: What little luxuries?
SHERIFF: Food and clothing for starters.
MARION: Don’t you ever give a thought to the poor, Sheriff?
SHERIFF: The poor are always on my mind, Lady Marion, which is why I must collect more taxes for poor Prince John. What about them down there, Pokem?
POKEM: They’re only here to watch the show, Sheriff.
SHERIFF: That’s no excuse! [to audience] Well, have you all paid your taxes?
POKEM: I don’t think they have, Sheriff.
SHERIFF: Perhaps they’re on the side of the hooded one.
POKEM: You mean, Batman?
SHERIFF: No, you idiot! Robin Hood!
POKEM: You could be right, Sheriff.
SHERIFF: I know I am, Pokem.
POKEM: Righto, Sheriff. [goes downstage]
SHERIFF: Where are you going?
POKEM: I’m going to poke them, Sire.
SHERIFF: What for?
POKEM: I thought you wanted me to.
SHERIFF: Don’t think, Pokem, it only gives you headaches.
POKEM: No, it doesn’t. [Sheriff bops him] Owah! Yes, it does.
SHERIFF: [to Chorus] Listen up, you rabble! As of today, your measly taxes are being doubled. I was going to treble them, but I’m feeling in a good mood today.
CHORUS 4: If that’s what you’re like in a good mood, I’d hate to see you in a bad mood.
SHERIFF: And that’s exactly what you will see, if you keep protecting the outlaw, Robin Hood! Now, when are you going to hand him over?
CHORUS: Never! [chant] Robin! Robin! Robin!
SHERIFF: Silence! You will all pay dearly for this insurrection!
CHORUS 5: Don’t tell me you’re taxing that as well!
POKEM: Why don’t you offer a reward for Robin Hood’s capture, Sheriff?
