SCENE ONE
COPENHAGEN TOWN
Outside Sushi’s Fishmonger’s shop. Music cue 1: Hazel & Chorus. After song ends…
HAZEL: That was great fun, wasn’t it, everybody?
CHORUS 1: It sure was, Hazel.
SYBIL: [off] I’m back!
HAZEL: That sounds like my employer, Mrs Sushi.
CHORUS 2: What’s she like to work for, hazel?
HAZEL: She’s all right, I suppose, but she can get crabby sometimes.
CHORUS 3: Maybe she needs to come out of her shell a bit more. [laughs]
HAZEL: Beat it, guys, or she’ll think I’ve been slacking again.
CHORUS 3: And she’d be right too! [laughs]
HAZEL: Hurry up and go!
CHORUS: Bye, Hazel! [exit SR]
Music cue 2: Enter Sybil Sushi [SL] carrying a large basket of fish.
SYBIL: Phew! This fish weighs a ton! [sets basket down] If only I had a big strapping son to help me.
HAZEL: I thought you did have a big strapping son, Mrs Sybil.
SYBIL: More like, I have a slacking son, and I’m always strapped. Life’s been so hard ever since my husband passed away.
HAZEL: What happened to him, Sybil.
SYBIL: He tried cutting our energy bills by using electric eels to power our home. Unfortunately, he didn’t know which end was positive and which was negative. He was positive, negative was positive, and positive, positive was negative. But when he finally tied the eels together, he electrocuted himself.
HAZEL: How awful.
SYBIL: He wasn’t the brightest spark. Although he saw plenty of them when it happened.
HAZEL: I heard you had a bit of kerfuffle with the window cleaner yesterday.
SYBIL: It’s true. I was in my bathroom in the altogether. [pointing] I can see all the men getting a clear picture of that in their heads. Hold on to it boys, you never know when you might need it again. Anyway, I was just seeing to all my little nooks and crannies when there was a loud crash, and a handsome young window cleaner suddenly fell at my feet. I think something must’ve distracted him, and he didn’t realise the window was open when he went to slap his shammy on it. He begged me to ring accident and emergency, which I did…first thing this morning. Have you seen my little Winkle, Hazel?
HAZEL: I beg your pardon, Sybil?
SYBIL: My lazy son, Winkle.
HAZEL: No, I’ve not met him yet, even though I’ve worked here over a month now.
SYBIL: It’s my fault for putting him on a zero-hours contract. He took it literally and has worked zero hours ever since.
HAZEL: Doesn’t he like working in the fish business?
SYBIL: He doesn’t like working, full stop. And talk about daft! He used to think fish really had fingers. I’m seriously thinking about packing it all in. The fish business is like a pair of old pants.
HAZEL: In what way, Sybil?
SYBIL: The bottom’s dropped out of it. I tried supplementing my income by doing some nude modelling, but I barely made a living. [to audience] Keep up!
HAZEL: Have you ever thought about getting married again?
SYBIL: I think about it constantly. Remarrying has also crossed my mind. After all, I’m still in my prime.
HAZEL: How old are you, Sybil?
SYBIL: As old as my tongue and younger than my teeth.
HAZEL: You can’t be younger than your teeth.
SYBIL: Why can’t I?
HAZEL: Because you only bought them last week.
SYBIL: How would you like to be unemployed again?
HAZEL: I think we’d better get the fish inside; Sybil, it’s starting to pong. [wafting]
SYBIL: Sorry, that’s me. I had curried crab for supper. Give me a hand, Hazel.
Exit Sybil and Hazel into shop carrying the basket between them.
Enter Winkle [SR]
WINKLE: Hiya, boys and girls! I’m Winkle Sushi! Who wants to be in my gang!? I said, ‘who wants to be in my gang’? Right then, every time I come on and shout, ‘hiya, gang’! I want you all to shout back, ‘hiya, Winkle’! Will you do that? Let’s have a practice. Hiya, gang! Okay, now let’s try it again with all the grumpy people joining in. Hiya, gang!
Enter Hazel from the shop as audience shout.
HAZEL: Hello, you must be, Winkle!
WINKLE: However did you guess?
HAZEL: They say that sarcasm is the lowest form of wit.
WINKLE: Any form of wit might improve this show. And who are you, then?
HAZEL: I’m your co-worker, Hazel.
WINKLE: How does it feel to be named after a nut?
HAZEL: Fine. How does it feel to be named after a…
Enter Sybil from the shop.
SYBIL: Winkle! You were supposed to meet me at the docks this morning to help me collect a load of fish! What happened to you?
WINKLE: Sorry, Mum, I overslept. I was having this lovely dream and wanted to see how it ended.
HAZEL: What were you dreaming about?
WINKLE: I dreamt I was eating the biggest marshmallow in the world, and when I woke up, I discovered my pillow was gone. [laughs]
SYBIL: Along with your brain. You don’t know what good hard work is, Winkle.
WINKLE: No, Mum, what good is it?
HAZEL: Hard work’s never killed anybody.
WINKLE: Well, I don’t want to be its first victim.
SYBIL: There’s no chance of that happening.
WINKLE: Anyway, you know I hate getting up while it’s still dark.
HAZEL: How come?
WINKLE: I suffered from PTSD as a child.
HAZEL: What caused that, Winkle?
WINKLE: Watching Monster’s Inc. Every night afterwards I’d check under my bed for any monsters hiding there. Then one night for a joke, Mum hid under my bed wearing a scary monster mask.
SYBIL: Up until then, I never realised how expensive child therapy was.
