The Little Mermaid

SCENE ONE

COPENHAGEN TOWN

Outside Sushi’s Fishmongers shop. Music cue 1: Hazel and Chorus. After song ends…

HAZEL: That was great fun, wasn’t it everybody?

CHORUS 1: It sure was Hazel.

SYBIL: [off] Winkle!

HAZEL: That sounds like my employer, Mrs Sushi.

CHORUS 2: What’s it like working for her, Hazel?

HAZEL: It’s all right, I suppose. But she can get a bit crabby at times.

SYBIL: [off] Hazel!

HAZEL: Beat it guys, or she’ll think I’ve been slacking again.

CHORUS 3: And she’d be right too! [laughs]

HAZEL: Hurry up and go!

CHORUS: Bye Hazel! [exit SR]

Music cue 2: Enter Sybil Sushi [SL] carrying a large basket of fish.

SYBIL: This basket of fish weighs a ton! If only I had a big strapping son to help me.

HAZEL: I thought you did have a big strapping son, Mrs Sushi.

SYBIL: More like, I have a slacking son and I’m always strapped. Life’s been so hard ever since my husband passed away.

HAZEL: Do you mind telling me what happened to him, Sybil?

SYBIL: He tried cutting our energy bills by using electric eels to power our home. Unfortunately, he didn’t know which end was positive and which was negative. He was positive, that negative was positive, and positive that positive was negative. But when he tied the eels together he electrocuted himself.

HAZEL: How dreadful.

SYBIL: He wasn’t the brightest spark. Although he did see plenty when it happened.

HAZEL: I heard you had a bit of a kerfuffle, with the window cleaner yesterday, Sybil.

SYBIL: It’s true. I was in my bathroom in the altogether. [pointing] I can see all the men getting a clear picture of that in their heads. Hold on to it boys, you never know when you might need it. Anyway, I was just seeing to all my little nooks and crannies when there was a loud crash, and a handsome young window cleaner suddenly fell at my feet. I think something must’ve distracted him, and he didn’t realise the window was open when he went to slap his shammy on it. He begged me to ring accident and emergency, which I did…first thing this morning. Have you seen my little Winkle, Hazel?

HAZEL: No, and I don’t think I want to.

SYBIL: I meant, my lazy son, Winkle.

HAZEL: No, I haven’t met him yet. Even though I’ve worked here almost a month now.

SYBIL: It’s my fault for putting him on a zero-hours contract. He took it literally and has worked zero hours ever since.

HAZEL: Doesn’t he like working in the fish business then?

SYBIL: He doesn’t like working, full stop. And talk about stupid! He once spent ages trying to find a fish’s fingers. I’m thinking of packing it all in, Hazel, the fish business is like a pair of old pants.

HAZEL: What do you mean, Sybil?

SYBIL: The bottom’s dropped out of it. I even tried supplementing my income by doing some nude modelling, but I barely made a living. [to audience] Do keep up!

HAZEL: Mum says we should always count our blessings.

SYBIL: These days I can count mine on one finger.

HAZEL: Have you ever considered getting married again?

SYBIL: I think about it constantly. Remarrying has also crossed my mind. After all, I’m still in the prime of my life.

HAZEL: How old are you then?

SYBIL: As old as my tongue and younger than my teeth.

HAZEL: You can’t be younger than your teeth Sybil.

SYBIL: Why not?

HAZEL: Because you only bought them last week.

SYBIL: How would you like to be unemployed again?

HAZEL: [wafting] I think we’d better get the fish inside, Sybil, it’s beginning to pong.

SYBIL: Sorry, that’s me. I had curried crab for supper. Come on then, let’s get inside.

Exit Sybil and Hazel into shop.

Enter Winkle [SR]

WINKLE: Hiya boys and girls! I’m Winkle Sushi! Who wants to be in my gang!? I said, who wants to be in my gang!? Okay then, every time I come on and shout hiya gang, I want you all to shout back, hiya Winkle! Will you do that? Let’s have a practice. Hiya gang! Not bad. Now let’s try it again, with all the grumpy kids joining in this time. Hiya gang!

Enter Hazel from shop as audience shout.

HAZEL: Hello! You must be Winkle!

WINKLE: [sarcastic] How ever did you guess?

HAZEL: They do say that sarcasm is the lowest form of wit.

WINKLE: Any form of wit might improve this show. And who are you?

HAZEL: I’m your co-worker, Hazel.

WINKLE: How does it feel to be named after a nut?

HAZEL: Fine. How does it feel to be named after a…

Enter Sybil from shop.

SYBIL: …Winkle! I’ve been looking all over for you!

WINKLE: What do you want mum?

SYBIL: You were supposed to help me fetch a load of fish from the docks first thing this morning.

WINKLE: Sorry mum, I was having this lovely dream and wanted to see how it ended.

HAZEL: What were you dreaming about?

WINKLE: I dreamt I was eating the biggest marshmallow in the world, and then I woke up and found I’d eaten my pillow.

SYBIL: You don’t know what good hard work is, Winkle.

WINKLE: No mum, what good is it?

SYBIL: Hard work never killed anybody.

WINKLE: Well, I don’t want to be its first victim.

SYBIL: There’s not much chance of that.

WINKLE: Anyway, you know I don’t like getting up while it’s still dark.

HAZEL: How come?

WINKLE: I suffered from PTSD as a child.

HAZEL: What happened to cause it?

WINKLE: I’d just watched Monster’s Inc, and every night afterwards I’d check under my bed, for any monsters hiding there. Then one night for a joke, mum hid under my bed wearing a scary monster mask.

SYBIL: Up until then, I never realised how expensive child therapy was.