The Grinch ‘The Panto’ (Perusal)

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Description

Synopsis:

A parody of the famous character created by Dr Seuss, woven into a traditional British-style pantomime. The Grinch one has been banished from town for his many misdemeanours, but several years later, and armed with the Harry Potter Big Book Of Magic Spells, he returns to wreak his revenge and get Santa the blame. When the Spirit of Christmas can do no more, Santa enlists the Snow Queen’s help, to save Christmas. However, the Grinch is finally won over, by the kindness and wide-eyed innocence of a young girl.

Roles:

10 principals plus 2 smaller roles and several minor speaking roles and a chorus.

Runtime:

All of our scripts have a runtime of approx 120 minutes, assuming that you use the full number of suggested musical numbers and not including any interval. But this is very dependent on your own production and can be edited by yourselves to suit.

Music:

All of our pantomimes come with a full, suggested songs and music cues and SFX list.

Style:

Traditional British pantomime, incorporating visual comedy, slapstick and audience participation.

Free Sample

Characters

Annie Good
Nora Good
Colin The Cheermeister
Mayor
The Grinch
Pinchit
Santa
Widget
Snow Queen
Spirit Of Christmas
Polly Watt

Chorus/Minor roles

Grimble
Whovillers
Elves
Bats

Scene One

Whoville


Music cue 2: Chorus/Whovillers. After song ends…Annie enters (SR)

Annie

(cheerily) Good morning everybody!

Chorus

Good morning Annie!

Annie

Are you all looking forward to Christmas?

Chorus

Yes Annie!

Annie

And have you all you made out your lists for Santa?

Chorus

Yes Annie!

Annie

Well I hope you all get what you’ve asked for.

Nora enters (SL) carrying a shopping bag.

Nora

There you are Annie. I thought I asked you to meet me in…(local toy store)…to help me chose presents for your Aunt Flo’s kids

Annie

I was just on my way there, Aunt Nora.

Nora

Well it doesn’t matter now, I’ve managed perfectly well without you.

Annie

What did you get then?

Nora

Electric hair clippers, a cordless drill and a home waxing kit.

Annie

You can’t give those kinds of things to little kids, auntie!

Nora

Oh, I’m sure the little dears will find some use for them.

Annie

That’s what I’m afraid of. It’s a good job they can rely on Santa, for some sensible presents.

Nora

(disdainful) Oh, perleasse!

Annie

Don’t you believe in Santa, then?

Nora

Of course not. He’s just a filament of your imagination.

Annie

I bet everybody here…(indicates audience)…believes in Santa.

Nora

I bet they don’t.

Annie

(to audience) You all believe in Santa, don’t you? (audience respond) See Nora, what did I tell you?

Nora

There was only a couple who said ‘yes’.

Annie

Oh no, there wasn’t!

Nora

Oh yes, there was! (work audience)

Annie

Let’s find out, shall we? (to audience) I’ll count to three and then I want everybody who believes in Santa, to shout ‘Santa’ as loud as you can. Will you do that? (audience respond)

Nora

And I want everybody who doesn’t believe in Santa, to shout ‘Crackers’ as loud as you can.

Annie

Ready? After three…One…two…three!

Audience shout.

Nora

I won!

Annie

No, you didn’t! There were definitely more shouts for Santa.

Nora

Give over, most of them are crackers…I mean, most of them don’t believe in Santa.

Mayor enters (SL)

Mayor

Good morning ladies and a merry Christmas to you both.

Annie

Merry Christmas, Mr Mayor.

Nora

(simpers) Hello Cecil.

Mayor
(to Nora) I’m glad I’ve bumped into you, Nora.

Nora

(toys seductively with the Mayor’s chain) The answer‘s ‘yes’.

Annie

What was the question?

Mayor

(slaps her hand away) Stop playing with my chain!

Nora

If I pulled it would you flush?

Mayor

(produces a letter and hands it to Nora) This is for you.

Nora

(excited) Is it a special marriage licence?

Mayor

No, it’s an exclusion order.

Nora

You mean it excludes all other women from bothering you?

Mayor

No, just you.

Nora

But don’t you find me strangely attractive?

Mayor

No. I find you strange and unattractive

Nora

But I yearn to give you my all.

Mayor

I don’t want your all. I don’t even want a tiny bit of it.

Nora

But I have everything a man could ever want.

Mayor

Yes. A hairy chest, bulging biceps and a moustache.

Nora

I like a man with a sense of humour.

Mayor

And I like a woman with a sense of shape.

Nora

Well it just so happens that I have the perfect shape.

Mayor

For a blancmange, maybe.

Nora

Cheek! (starts coughing)

Annie

Are you all right, Nora?

Nora

(coughing) Yes Annie, I always seem to get a sore throat at Christmas

Annie
Have you seen a doctor about it?

Nora

Yes.

Mayor

And what did he say?

Nora

He said I was suffering from Tinslelitis. (laughs) ‘Tinsleitis’? Oh, please yourselves. (to Mayor) By the way Cecil. Did you like the birthday present I bought you?

Mayor

No, I didn’t!

Nora

Why, what’s wrong with socks and underpants?

Mayor

They were still warm!

Nora

(producing a twig of mistletoe) Would you like to kiss me under the mistletoe?

Mayor

I wouldn’t kiss you under general anaesthetic

Nora

It’s a good job I know you’re only joking.

Annie

Have you posted your letter to Santa yet, Mr Mayor?

Mayor

Yes Annie, I sent it off to the North Pole weeks ago.

Nora

You’re all stark raving mad if you ask me.

Annie

Aunt Nora doesn’t believe in Santa.

Mayor

Well maybe this will convince her. (takes out a letter and reads) To all the children of Whoville, old and young. I’ve looked at my list and checked it twice, and I will definitely be delivering all the presents you’ve asked for this year. Yours truly, Santa. Ho-ho-ho! P.S. I love mince pies and the reindeer love carrots. There you are Nora, proof positive that Santa really does exist.

Nora

Well he won’t be coming down my chimney.

Annie

What makes you so sure auntie?

Nora

I live in a flat.

Mayor

Santa has a magic key that will open any door.

Nora

So have I.

Mayor

Really?

Nora

Yes, it’s called ‘a gold credit card’. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have some serious shopping to do.

Annie

Christmas isn’t all about shopping, Aunt Nora.

Nora

You could’ve fooled me. Music cue 3: Nora. After song ends…She takes out a gold credit card) Come along Annie, let’s go and melt some plastic.

Nora and Annie exit (SL)

Mayor

She’ll probably melt if the shops turn their heating up. She’s got more plastic bits than Barbie. (exits SL)

Colin enters (SR)

Colin

(to audience) Hiya kids! Are you all having a good time? (audience respond) And have you made out your lists for Santa yet? I have. (or if after Christmas – say ‘as Whoville is on a different timeline we haven’t had Christmas yet, but I’ve made out my list’) Now, let me see. (unfolds a long list) DVD player, IPad, X-Box, a bike, Barbie! How did that get on there? (embarrassed) Ahem! (quickly folds up list) Anyway, my name’s Colin and I’m the Cheermeister of Whoville. And it’s my job to see that Santa’s visit goes without a hitch. So I have to make sure that all the chimneys are swept clean, and every child has a stocking to hang up. I also have to make sure that all you lot are enjoying yourselves. So if I see anybody looking a bit glum, I’ll send in the Chucklemeisters. (looks out) Actually, some of you look as though you need cheering up already and the show’s only just started. (calls) Chucklemeisters! Music cue 4:

Chucklemeisters enter through the audience, tickling them with feather dusters, before exiting again.

Colin

That’s cheered them up. I have the feeling it’s going to be a great Christmas this year. The only thing that could possibly spoil it, is the Grinch turning up again. He’s such an old misery, he even makes Scrooge look like a charity worker. (lights dim) Music cue 5: Eh up, it looks like something nasty’s brewing.

Grinch enters (SL)

Colin

I was right. I’d better get out of here quick. (goes to leave)

Grinch

(casts a spell at him) Freeze!

Colin is rooted to the spot.

Colin

(panicking) Help! I can’t move me l

Grinch

Ha-ha-ha! It worked!

Colin

You’re in big trouble when the Mayor finds out you’re back in town.

Grinch

That’s what I like about this place. The warm welcome I always receive.

Colin

The Mayor banished you from Whoville.

Grinch

Yes, and it gave me plenty of time to master the ‘Harry Potter Bumper Book Of Spells’. And now I intend to make everyone in Whoville, regret the day they ever tried getting rid of me.

Colin

What are you going to do?

Grinch

I’m going to split you in two for starters.

Colin

(pleads) Oh no, please! I’m too young to die!

Grinch

Stop whimpering, it won’t hurt a bit.

Colin

That’s easy for you to say!

Grinch

Any last words before I divide you in half?

Colin

Yes. (yells) Heeeelp!

Grinch

(produces a Harry Potter wand and prepares to cast a spell)
Good and evil side by side,
Like Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde.
My revenge on Whoville begins with you,
It’s time for one, to now become two! (casts the spell)

SFX: Pyrotechnic flash.

Snap blackout. During the brief Pinchit enters and takes up position back to back with Colin. Lights back up to reveal Colin and Pinchit standing back to back. (see properties for alternative entrance for Pinchit)

Colin

(finds he can move again and checks himself over) Hah! Missed me!

Pinchit

(raises his arms in triumph) Free at last!

Colin

(turns and sees Pinchit – steps back startled) Aaahh! Who’s he?

Grinch

He is your other half.

Colin

My other what?

Grinch
He’s your bad side.

Colin

I don’t have a bad side. (poses) I’ve always been very photogenic.

Grinch
Everybody has a bad side, and I’ve just released yours as a separate person.

Colin

So that’s what you meant by ‘splitting me in two’. ‘Ere, does this mean I’ll have to pay double council tax?

Pinchit

I won’t tell if you don’t.

Colin

What do you want with my bad side anyway?

Grinch

Every evil genius needs a sidekick. It’s practically compulsory.

Pinchit

(to Colin) All these years I’ve been held back by your stupid conscience, but now I’m free to do as I please.

Grinch

Come Pinchit, we have evil work to do.

Pinchit

Yes master.

Pinchit and Grinch exit (SL)

Colin

(to audience) Thank goodness they’ve gone. If the Grinch wants my bad side, he’s welcome to it. I never found much use for it anyway. I’d better hurry and tell the Mayor what’s happened. Cheerio! (quickly exits SL)

Spirit enters (SR)

Spirit

The Grinch is back and he’s worse than before,
He’ll try and spoil Christmas, that’s for sure.
Whovillers will have to be on their guard,
Or he’ll spoil their festivities, without regard. (exits SR)

Children enter Music cue 6: Children.  After song ends… Colin enters (SL)

Children

Hiya Colin!

Colin

Hiya kids!

Child 1

We’re off to play knock and run, wanna come?

Colin

(horrified) Certainly not!

Child 2

Why not?

Colin

Because it’s not very nice, that’s why.

Child 3

But it was your idea!

Colin

(firmly) I don’t think so.

Child 1

(to Colin) Then come and throw snowballs at the Mayor’s windows instead. You always enjoy that, Colin.

Colin

Oh no, I would never upset a council official.

Child 2

What’s come over you Colin? You used to be the biggest prankster in Whoville.

Colin

I think you must’ve got me confused with someone else.

Child 3

(to others) Come on guys, let’s leave boring old Colin Squarepants on his own.

Children exit (SL)

Colin

(to audience) I can’t believe how naughty the kids of today are, can you?

Children re-enter (SL)

Children

Oh, Colin!

Colin

Yes?

Children

Merry Christmas!

The Children pelt Colin and the audience with snowballs before exiting again.

Colin

The little monkeys! If I weren’t such a nice person, I’d report them to the Pleasant Police.

Nora and Annie enter (SR)

Colin

Hello you two. What are you both up to today?

Annie
I’m helping Aunt Nora shop for Christmas presents.

Colin
(notices they haven’t any shopping with them) Haven’t you managed to find anything you like, yet?

Annie

Oh yes, we picked up loads of stuff. (pointedly to Nora) Didn’t we Nora?

Nora

Yes, we did.

Colin

So where is it then?

Annie

We had to put it all back.

Colin

You’ve not been shoplifting again have you Nora?

Nora

That was never proven…I mean…how dare you!

Annie

Her credit card was rejected.

Colin

You must have reached your spending limit, Nora.

Nora

When it comes to spending, I don’t have a limit.

Annie
No, but the banks do.

Nora

Then maybe they shouldn’t spend so much, advertising credit cards in the first place.

Colin

Have either of you seen the Mayor?

Annie

Yes, he’s a little fat man with a red face.

Nora

(defending him) She means ‘well built with a healthy complexion’. Oh, I must remember to buy him a intimate little gift for Christmas.

Colin

But I thought you two had fallen out.

Nora

Whatever gave you that idea?

Colin

That anti-stalking order he took out on you.

Nora

(dismissive) Oh, he’s just playing hard to get.

Annie

What do you want with the Mayor, Colin?

Colin

I have to tell him that the Grinch is back in town.

Nora

But I thought he was banned from Whoville.

Colin

He was, but he’s returned and he’s badder than ever.

Nora

Don’t worry, the Pleasant Police will soon deal with him.

Colin

That won’t be so easy this time. The Grinch has mastered the ‘Harry Potter Bumper Book Of Spells’ and he used it to split me in two.

Nora

Have you been overdoing it with the sherry trifle again, Colin?

Colin

No I haven’t! He made me freeze, and then this disgusting-looking thing suddenly appeared right next to me.

Nora

Try using a hanky next time.

Colin

I said ‘freeze’ not ‘sneeze’!

Annie

What was it Colin?

Colin

It was my bad side.

Nora

And how did you feel?

Colin

I was beside myself. (to audience) Think about it.

The Mayor enters (SR)

Colin

Mr Mayor! Am I glad to see you!

Mayor

(flattered) Ah, what it is to be popular.

Colin

The Grinch has returned to Whoville!

Mayor

What! Why the nerve of him! (rants) I’ll have him locked in the stocks and get people to throw rotten tomatoes at him! I’ll have all his green hair shaved off! I’ll have him publicly humiliated!

Nora

I thought comic relief was last week?

Annie

Isn’t that how all this trouble started in the first place?

Colin

He also has magic powers now.

Mayor

(sceptical) The Grinch has magic powers?

Colin

Yes, and he used them to split me in half. I am now two people, Mr Mayor.

Mayor

Is this another of your schemes to get double pay for working Christmas Eve, Colin?