Sinbad The Sailor

SCENE ONE

THE BAZAAR IN OLD TANGIERS

Music cue 1: Chorus. After song ends…Chorus mill around stalls.

Enter Ali [SR]

ALI: Hiya boys and girls! Welcome to old Tangiers in beautiful Morocco! My name’s Ali and I love making new friends, so every time I come and shout hiya boys and girls! I want you all to shout back, hiya Ali let’s get pally, okay? Let’s try it then. [exits and re-enters] Hiya boys and girls! That wasn’t loud enough. Let’s do it again and this time raise the roof. [repeats business] Fantastic!

Enter Dame Drachma [SL] pulling on a rope leading off into the wing.

DRACHMA: [straining on rope] Move your lazy carcass, you cantankerous camel!

ALI: What’s the matter mum?

DRACHMA: [turns] Ali! I’ve looked everywhere for you.

ALI: You can’t have done, mum.

DRACHMA: Why can’t I?

ALI: Because you didn’t look where I was.

DRACHMA: I always knew you’d be an awkward child. Before you were born you gave me nothing but trouble. I said Doctor, every morning I get up suffering from terrible morning sickness, what do you suggest I do?

ALI: And what did he suggest?

DRACHMA: He suggested I get up in the afternoon.

ALI: You can’t blame me for making you sick before I was born, mum.

DRACHMA: No, but you didn’t have to carry it on afterwards. Now, help me shift Humpy.

ALI: Leave him to me, mum. Here Humpy, I’ve got a nice sugar lump for you.

Enter Humpy at a run [SL] the rope goes slack, and Drachma falls over.

DRACHMA: [stands] You did that on a purpose you devious dromedary! If you don’t start pulling your weight around here soon, it’s the Kit-e-Kat factory for you.

ALI: You can’t sell Humpy to the Kit-e-Kat factory, mum!

DRACHMA: Why can’t I?

ALI: Because I promised first refusal to the glue factory.

DRACHMA: I’m seriously considering getting another camel, Ali.

Humpy whispers to Ali.

ALI: Humpy says, can you get a female one?

DRACHMA: Forget it Humpy, what you’re thinking’s impossible.

ALI: Why is it, mum?

DRACHMA: Because Ali…[whispers]

ALI: I don’t remember you taking him to the vet’s. [Humpy crosses his back legs] I think it’s a bit too late for that, Humpy.

DRACHMA: [Humpy bashes her] All right, don’t take the hump. [laughs] Take the hump!?

ALI: Don’t worry Humpy, what you’ve never used you’ll never miss.

DRACHMA: And you should know. Anyway, I was talking about replacing Humpy, not bringing in a second camel.

Humpy whispers to Ali.

ALI: I don’t blame you, Humpy.

Exit Humpy [SR]

DRACHMA: Where’s he going now, Ali?

ALI: He’s off to The Bent Turban, to drown his sorrows.

DRACHMA: He reminds me of your father. He spent more time in there than his own home.

ALI: I never knew dad, what was he like, mum?

DRACHMA: He was an able seaman, just like your brother Sinbad. Although not as able as I’d hoped. It was a whirlwind romance. I was in a whirl, and he had wind. On our wedding night, I asked him to carry me over the threshold. And he said, where am I going to get a forklift at this time of night? After you were born he went back to sea, and his ship sank in a terrible storm with no survivors. Leaving me to bring up two sons alone, and it wasn’t easy I can tell you. Things got that bad I ended up seeing a psychiatrist and told him I was feeling suicidal.

ALI: And what did he say?

DRACHMA: He told me to pay in advance.

ALI: It’s a bit sad to think of dad lying somewhere on the seafloor.

DRACHMA: He was used to lying on the floor, Ali. Mostly outside The Bent Turban. Still, life goes on, and it would be a whole lot easier if you got yourself a job.

ALI: I have looked, mum.

DRACHMA: Well try looking harder. You’re that lazy you’d make an asthmatic slug seem energetic.

ALI: Don’t knock lazy people mum, they’re the ones who drive progress.

DRACHMA: How do you make that out?

ALI: Because they’re always inventing stuff to make life even easier.

DRACHMA: Then how come you haven’t invented loads of labour saving devices?

ALI: I’m not lazy mum, I’m just on eco mode.

DRACHMA: What do you think you are, a household appliance?

ALI: You’re always telling me to save energy.

DRACHMA: By using less electric, not sitting on your big fat…

ALI: Steady on mum, family show!

DRACHMA: You don’t know what good hard work is, Ali.

ALI: No mum, what good is it?

DRACHMA: Hard work never killed anybody.

ALI: Well, I don’t want to be its first victim.

DRACHMA: There’s not much chance of that.

ALI: How come you don’t go on at Sinbad about getting a job?

DRACHMA: He already has a job, sailing the world seeking his fame and fortune.

ALI: Well, he must be looking for it in all the wrong places.

DRACHMA: At least he brings me back some nice prezzies from his travels.

ALI: So do I!

DRACHMA: Name one thing you’ve brought me back, Ali.

ALI: I brought you back that nice present from Blackpool, remember?

DRACHMA: You mean that stick of rock with Blickpool, running all the way through it?

ALI: Is it my fault they had a dyslexic letterer.

DRACHMA: Why can’t you go to sea like Sinbad, instead of getting under my feet all day?

ALI: But you know I suffer from seasickness mum.

DRACHMA: What are you talking about Ali? You’ve never been to sea in your life!

ALI: I know, but just thinking about it makes me sick. [looking off SL] Watch out mum, here comes our landlord.

DRACHMA: I wonder what he wants this time?

ALI: At a wild guess, I’d say rent.

DRACHMA: Well he can want because I’m skint.

Enter Landlord [SR]

LANDLORD: Dame Drachma, I’ve come for it and I’m not leaving until I get it.

DRACHMA: That makes a change, I thought you might be after money.