Dracula ‘The Panto’ (Perusal)

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SKU: draculaperusal Category:

Description

Synopsis:

Count Dracula arrive in England in search of the key to his hoard of stolen treasure.  Assuming the guise of property tycoon Major Artery, he crosses paths with Duffy the Vampire-slayer, whose mother rents a house from him. Dracula escapes back to Transylvania, but is pursued by Duffy. Who in turn is followed by her mother, Dame Plasma. A terrific gothic-style panto, which contains all the elements needed to keep your audience spellbound. Suspense, mock horror and heaps of tongue-in-cheek humour.

Roles:

9 principals, plus several smaller speaking roles including The Marquis-de-Sad/Invisible Man. And a chorus.

Runtime:

All of our scripts have a runtime of approx 120 minutes, assuming that you use the full number of suggested musical numbers and not including any interval. But this is very dependent on your own production and can be edited by yourselves to suit.

Music:

All of our pantomimes come with a full, suggested songs and music cues and SFX list.

Style:

Traditional British pantomime, incorporating visual comedy, slapstick and audience participation.

Free Sample

Characters

Dame Plasma Van Helsing
Duffy Van Helsing
Rema Globin
Dr Paul Bearer
Major Artery (aka) Dracula
Fred Corpuscle
Inspector Ventricle
PC Platelet
Morris Van Helsing
The Invisible Man (aka) The Marquis-de-Sad
The Andrex Sisters

Chorus/Minor roles

Buster
Street Vendor
Newspaper Boy
Bats
Londoners, etc.

Scene Six

Dr Bearer’s Surgery

Dr Bearer is sitting at a desk and nearby is an eye-chart, which looks normal apart from the fact that all the letters are ‘I’.

Dr Bearer

Next!

Patient 1 runs on (SL)

Patient 1

Doctor, doctor! I’ve just swallowed a roll of film, what shall I do?

Dr Bearer

Keep an eye on it and see what develops.

Patient 1 exits (SR)

Dr Bearer

(shouts) Next!

Patient 2 runs on (SL)

Patient 2

Doctor, doctor! I need something to stop me sleepwalking!

Dr Bearer

(handing over a box of drawing pins) Here, take these.

Patient 2

(takes the box) Drawing pins! What am I supposed to do with these?

Dr Bearer

Sprinkle them on your bedroom floor.

Patient 2 exits (SR)

Dr Bearer

Next!

Patient 3 runs on (SL)

Patient 3

Doctor, doctor! Everybody keeps ignoring me!

Dr Bearer

Next!

Patient 3 exits (SR)

The three Andrex Sisters enter (SR) dressed in army uniforms.

Andrex. Sis

(in unison) Good evening Dr Bearer!

Dr Bearer

The Andrex Sisters! What can I do for you?

Andrex. Sis

(sing) #Oh Doctor, we’re in trouble!# (song from the film ‘The Millionairess’)

Dr Bearer

(in the style of the Peter Sellars character ‘Dr. Ahmed El Kabir’ from the film ‘The Millionairess) #Well goodness gracious me!#

Andrex Sisters sing to the tune of ‘Boggie-Wooogie Bugle Boy’.

Andrex. Sis

#We pulled a bugle boy. And had some revelry. And now he’s disappeared leaving my sisters and me#

Dr Bearer

Tell me all about it, right from the start.

Music cue 8: Andrex Sisters. After song ends…

Sister

What do you suggest Doctor?

Dr Bearer

I suggest you get it all down on record.

Andrex. Sis

(in unison) Yes, Doctor. (all exit SL)

Dr Bearer

(shouts) Next!

Rema enters (SR) looking flustered.

Dr Bearer

Miss, Globin! Whatever’s the matter?

Rema

I’m feeling rather strange, Doctor.

Dr Bearer

What are your symptoms?

Rema

Well Doctor, since I last saw you I’ve been having…(sings ala Grease Movie)…#chills, they’re multiplying…and I’m losing control#

Dr Bearer

I see. Anything else?

Rema

Yes. (sings Abracadabra – Steve Miller Band) #I heat up, I can’t cool down. My head is spinning, round and round#

Dr Bearer

Look at that chart on the wall. (she does so) Now cover your right eye, and read off what you can see.

Rema

(reads) I…I…I…I…I

Dr Bearer

(stops her) That’ll do.

Rema

Do you know what is it, Doctor?

Dr Bearer

Yes. It’s my eye chart. (stands and goes to her) I think I’d better check your chest.

Rema

(pushing her chest out) I’m ready, Doctor.

Dr Bearer

(examining her with his stethoscope) Goodness me! Your heart has just skipped a beat! I think a full examination is called for.

Rema

Whatever you say, Doctor.

Dr Bearer

(examining her) There’s nothing wrong with your beautiful eyes. Your ears your legs, or your silky thighs. (feeling her forehead) I can’t think why you’re exuding such heat. Perhaps you ought to take a seat?

Rema

I don’t think I could swallow that, Doctor. Not even with a glass of water.

Dr Bearer

I’d better consult my medical book. (puts stethoscope down, picks up a book and flicks a page) Ah, here it is. It appears you have a nasty case of aortic confabulations, with a touch of acid-reflux and fiery contractions of the ventricle chamber.

Rema

What does it all mean Doctor?

Dr Bearer

You have heartburn.

Rema
(crestfallen) Can I have a second opinion?

Dr Bearer

Of course. Come back tomorrow and I’ll give you one.

Rema

(sighs) Thank you, Doctor. (exits SL)

Dame Plasma enters (SR)

Dr Bearer

Dame Van Helsing! I haven’t seen you in ages!

Plasma

I know Doctor, I’ve been ill.

Dr Bearer

What seems to be the trouble?

Plasma

I banged my head and I think I might’ve cut it.

Dr Bearer

I’m very concerned.

Plasma

Are you?

Dr Bearer

Yes, you might bleed all over my nice clean floor. Go and ooze outside.

Plasma
(wavers) Ooooh! I feel as though I’m pegging out.

Dr Bearer

Washing?

Plasma

No you fool, I’m a goner! I feel like I only have fifty-nine seconds to live!

Dr Bearer

Hold on a minute, while I find my stethoscope.

Plasma

I’m fading fast Doctor!

Dr Bearer

Well I can see that you’re not all there.

Plasma

No you, numbskull! Fading, as in popping my clogs! (gasps) I’m going! I’m going!

Dr Bearer
Well shut the door on your way out.

Plasma

Do something Doctor!

Dr Bearer

(places his Stethoscope on her chest) Big breaths.

Plasma

Yes, and I’ve had them ever since I was sixteen.

Dr Bearer

I’m going to have to operate. But first I must ask you a few questions.

Plasma

Hurry up then!

Dr Bearer

(produces a pen and pad to take notes) What was your father’s occupation?

Plasma

He was a magician.

Dr Bearer

And is he still around?

Plasma

No. As soon as I was born, he disappeared. His favourite trick was sawing people in half

Dr Bearer

Do you have any siblings?

Plasma

Yes. One half-brother and two half-sisters.

Dr Bearer

And when were you born?

Plasma

I don’t remember, I was only a baby at the time

Dr Bearer

(flexing his hand) Ooh! I’ve got cramp in my hand. (switches hands to write)

Plasma

I notice you can write with either hand, Doctor.

Dr Bearer

That’s because I’m ambidextrous.

Plasma

I’d give my right arm to be ambidextrous.

Dr Bearer

(hands her the clipboard) Would you mind signing this?

Plasma

(suspiciously) What for?

Dr Bearer

It’s just a formality, in case something goes drastically wrong.

Plasma

(exclaims) Goes wrong!?

Dr Bearer

Don’t worry, I know exactly what I’m doing. (searching his desk) You didn’t notice a big book called ‘Operating For Beginners’ in the waiting-room did you?

Plasma

No, Doctor.

Dr Bearer

Never mind, I think I can remember most of it. Now if you wouldn’t mind walking this way. (starts to exit SR walking in a ridiculous manner)

Plasma

Look I know this is panto, but that’s the oldest gag in the book.

Dr Bearer

If you think that’s old, just wait ‘til later.

They exit (SR)