Dracula Revamped


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Count Dracula arrives in England in search of the key to his hoard of stolen treasure. Assuming the guise of landlord Major Artery, he crosses paths with Duffy the Vampire slayer, whose mother Dame Plasma, rents a house from him.

Dracula escapes back to Transylvania, but is pursued by Duffy, accompanied by her mother and her friend Rema Globin.

A terrific gothic-style panto, which contains all the elements needed to keep your audience spellbound. Suspense, mock horror and heaps of tongue-in-cheek humour. Includes a very funny homage to the classic TV comedy ‘Allo ‘Allo!


9 principals, plus several smaller speaking roles including The Marquis-de-Sad/Invisible Man. And a chorus.


All our scripts have a runtime of approximately 2hrs (not including any interval) but this is very dependent on your own production and can be edited by yourselves to suit your own needs.


Our pantomimes all come with a full, suggested songs, music cues and SFX list.


Traditional British pantomime, incorporating visual comedy, slapstick and audience participation.

Free Sample




The Invisible Man [aka The Marquis de-Sad]
Flower Seller
Paperboy/Shoeshine Boy
Dancers; Londoners; Wombles; Patients; Ghouls; Bats; Rats; etc.



An eyechart is on a stand [USC] all the letters are I. Music cue 6: Chorus. After song ends…Exit Chorus [SL]

Enter Doctor Bearer [SR]

DOCTOR: Send in the first patient!

Enter Patient 1 [SL]

PATIENT 1: Doctor! Doctor! I think I’m addicted to scrabble!

DOCTOR: I’m sure there’s a word for that.

PATIENT 1: What’ll I do Doctor?

DOCTOR: Don’t spend any more nights on the tiles.

PATIENT 1: Yes Doctor. [exits SR]

DOCTOR: [shouts] Next!

Enter Patient 2 [SL]

PATIENT 2: Doctor! Doctor! I need something to stop me sleepwalking!

DOCTOR: [produces a box of drawing pins] Here, take these.

PATIENT 2: Drawing pins! What am I supposed to do with these?

DOCTOR: Sprinkle them around your bed before going to sleep.

PATIENT 2: Yes Doctor. [exits SR]


Enter Patient 3 [SL]

PATIENT 3: Doctor! Doctor! Everybody keeps ignoring me!


Exit Patient 3 [SR]

Enter Patient 4 [SL]

PATIENT 4: Doctor! Doctor! I keep seeing fuzzy spots before my eyes!

DOCTOR: Try wearing glasses.

PATIENT 4: Will they make the spots disappear?

DOCTOR: No, but you’ll be able to see them much clearer.

PATIENT 4: Yes Doctor. [exits SR]

DOCTOR: [shouts] Next!

Enter Rema [SR] looking flustered.

REMA: [breathy] Oh, Doctor Bearer.

DOCTOR: Miss, Globin! Whatever’s the matter?

REMA: I’m feeling rather strange Doctor.

DOCTOR: What are your symptoms?

REMA: [sings] ‘I’ve got chills, they’re multiplying. And I’m losing control.’

DOCTOR: Anything else?

REMA: [sings] ‘I heat up, I can’t cool down. My head is spinning, round and round.’

DOCTOR: [indicates eyechart] Cover your right eye and read off the top line on this chart.

REMA: [reads] I…I…I…I…I

DOCTOR: [thinking] Mmmm!

REMA: What it is Doctor?

DOCTOR: It’s my eyechart. I’ll just check your chest.

REMA: [pushing chest out] I’m ready Doctor.

DOCTOR: [using stethoscope] Your heart’s just skipped a beat, I think I’d better do a full examination.

REMA: Whatever you say Doctor.

DOCTOR: [checking her] There’s nothing wrong with your beautiful eyes. Your ears your legs, or your silky thighs. [feeling her forehead] I can’t think why you’re exuding such heat. Perhaps you ought to take a seat?

REMA: I don’t think I could swallow that, Doctor, even with a glass of water.

DOCTOR: I’ll just consult my medical book. [picks up a book] Ah, here it is. It appears you’re suffering from acidic-reflux, with aortic confabulations and fiery contractions of the ventricle chamber.

REMA: What does it all mean Doctor?

DOCTOR: You have heartburn.

REMA: Can I have a second opinion?

DOCTOR: Certainly, come back tomorrow and I’ll give you one.

REMA: [pleased] Thank you Doctor!

DOCTOR: Would you like to go private next time?

REMA: What does it involve?

DOCTOR: It involves me locking the door.

REMA: I’ll go private! See you tomorrow, Doctor! [exits SL]

Enter Plasma [SR]

DOCTOR: Dame Plasma, I haven’t seen you in ages.

PLASMA: I know Doctor I’ve been ill.

DOCTOR: What seems to be the trouble?

PLASMA: I banged my head and I think I might’ve cut it badly.

DOCTOR: I’m very concerned.

PLASMA: Are you really Doctor!?

DOCTOR: Yes, you might bleed all over my new carpet.

PLASMA: [wavers] Ooooh! I think I’m pegging out.

DOCTOR: Washing?

PLASMA: No you fool, I’m a goner! It feels like I only have fifty-nine seconds to live.

DOCTOR: Hold on a minute while I find my stethoscope.

PLASMA: I’m fading fast Doctor!

DOCTOR: I can see you’re not all there.

PLASMA: [gasping] I’m going! I’m going!

DOCTOR: Well, shut the door on your way out.

PLASMA: Do something Doctor!

DOCTOR: [places Stethoscope on her chest] Big breaths.

PLASMA: Yes, and I’ve had them ever since I was sixteen.

DOCTOR: I’m going to have to operate.

PLASMA: Operate!?

DOCTOR: Yes, but first I must ask you some questions.

PLASMA: Well, hurry up then!

DOCTOR: [taking notes on a clipboard] What was your father’s occupation?

PLASMA: He was a magician.

DOCTOR: What was his favourite trick?

PLASMA: Sawing people in half.

DOCTOR: Do you have any siblings?

PLASMA: One half-brother and two half-sisters.

DOCTOR: Is your father still around?

PLASMA: No, he disappeared as soon as I was born.