Dracula The Panto



Product total

Options total

Grand total

SKU: DraculaPS Category:



Count Dracula arrives in England in search of the key to his hoard of stolen treasure. Assuming the guise of landlord Major Artery, he crosses paths with Duffy the Vampire slayer, whose mother Dame Plasma, rents a house from him. Dracula escapes back to Transylvania, but is pursued by Duffy, accompanied by her mother and her friend Rema Globin. A terrific gothic-style panto, which contains all the elements needed to keep your audience spellbound. Suspense, mock horror and heaps of tongue-in-cheek humour. Including a funny homage to the classic TV comedy ‘Allo ‘Allo!


9 principals, plus several smaller speaking roles including The Marquis-de-Sad/Invisible Man. And a chorus.


All of our scripts have a runtime of under 2hrs (not including any interval) But this is very dependent on your own production and can be edited by yourselves to suit your own needs.


All of our pantomimes come with a full, suggested songs and music cues and SFX list.


Traditional British pantomime, incorporating visual comedy, slapstick and audience participation.

Free Sample


Duffy Van Helsing
Dame Plasma Van Helsing
Rema Globin
Dr Paul Bearer
Major Artery (aka Dracula)
Fred Corpuscle
Inspector Ventricle
PC Platelet
Professor Van Helsing

Chorus/Minor roles

The Invisible Man (aka The Marquis-de-Sad)
Flower Seller
Paper Boy
Shoeshine Boy
Londoners; Bats; Rats; Wombles; Ghouls; etc.

Scene Five

Doctor Bearer’s Surgery

An eye-chart on a stand is (SR) – all the letters are I. Enter Chorus of Nurses. Music cue 6: Chorus. After song ends…Exit Chorus (USL)

Enter Doctor Bearer (DSL)

DOCTOR: Send in the first patient!

Enter Patient 1 (SR)

PATIENT 1: Doctor! Doctor! I’ve just swallowed a roll of film, what shall I do?

DOCTOR: Lie down in a dark room and see what develops.

PATIENT 1: Yes, Doctor. (exits SR)

DOCTOR: (shouts) Next!

Enter Patient 2 (SR)

PATIENT 2: Doctor! Doctor! I need something to stop me sleepwalking!

DOCTOR: (hands over a box of drawing pins) Take these.

PATIENT 2: Drawing pins! What am I supposed to do with these?

DOCTOR: Sprinkle them around your bed before going to sleep.

PATIENT 2: Yes, Doctor. (exits SR)


Enter Patient 3 (SR)

PATIENT 3: Doctor! Doctor! Everybody keeps ignoring me!


Exit Patient 3 (SR)

Enter Patient 4 (SR)

PATIENT 4: Doctor! Doctor! I’m seeing fuzzy spots before my eyes and can’t focus!

DOCTOR: Try wearing glasses.

PATIENT 4: Will they make the spots disappear?

DOCTOR: No, but you’ll be able to see them much clearer.

PATIENT 4: Are you a quack Doctor?

DOCTOR: No, I don’t treat ducks. Try a vet.

PATIENT 4: Yes, Doctor. (exits SR)

DOCTOR: (shouts) Next!

Enter Rema (SR) looking flustered.

DOCTOR: Miss, Globin! Whatever’s the matter?

REMA: I’m feeling rather strange, Doctor.

DOCTOR: What are your symptoms?

REMA: (sings) I’ve got chills, they’re multiplying. And I’m losing control.

DOCTOR: Anything else?

REMA: (sings) I heat up, I can’t cool down. My head is spinning, round and round.

DOCTOR: (indicates the eyechart) Cover your right eye and read off the top line on this chart.

REMA: (reads) I – I – I – I – I

DOCTOR: I think I know what it is.

REMA: What it is Doctor?

DOCTOR: It’s my eye chart. I’ll just check your chest.

REMA: (pushing her chest out) I’m ready, Doctor.

DOCTOR: (using his stethoscope) Your heart just skipped a beat! Perhaps I should do a full examination.

REMA: Yes please, Doctor!

DOCTOR: (checking her) There’s nothing wrong with your beautiful eyes.

Your ears your legs, or your silky thighs. (feeling her forehead)

I can’t think why you’re exuding such heat.

Perhaps you ought to take a seat?

REMA: I don’t think I could swallow that, Doctor. Not even with a glass of water.

DOCTOR: I’ll just consult my medical book. (picks up a book) Ah, here it is. It appears you’re suffering from acid-reflux, giving you aortic confabulations and fiery contractions of the ventricle chamber.

REMA: What does it all mean Doctor?

DOCTOR: You have heartburn.

REMA: (crestfallen) Can I have a second opinion?

DOCTOR: Certainly! Come back tomorrow and I’ll give you one.

REMA: (delighted) Thank you Doctor!

DOCTOR: Would you like to go private next time?

REMA: What does it involve?

DOCTOR: It involves me locking the door.

REMA: I’ll go private. See you tomorrow, Doctor. (exits SL)

Enter Plasma (SR)

DOCTOR: Dame Plasma! I haven’t seen you in ages!

PLASMA: I know Doctor, I’ve been ill.

DOCTOR: What seems to be the trouble?

PLASMA: I banged my head and I think I might’ve cut it badly.

DOCTOR: I’m very concerned.

PLASMA: Are you!?

DOCTOR: Yes – you might bleed all over my new carpet.

PLASMA: (wavers) Ooooh! I feel as though I’m pegging out.

DOCTOR: Washing?

PLASMA: No, you fool! I’m a goner! I feel like I only have fifty-nine seconds to live.

DOCTOR: Hold on a minute while I find my stethoscope.

PLASMA: I’m fading fast Doctor!

DOCTOR: I can see you’re not all there.

PLASMA: (gasping) I’m going! I’m going!

DOCTOR: Well, shut the door on your way out.

PLASMA: Do something Doctor!

DOCTOR: (places his Stethoscope on her chest) Big breaths.

PLASMA: Yes, and I’ve had them ever since I was sixteen.

DOCTOR: I’m going to have to operate.

PLASMA: Operate!?

DOCTOR: Yes, but first I must ask you some questions.

PLASMA: Well, hurry up then!

DOCTOR: (taking notes on a clipboard) What was your father’s occupation?

PLASMA: He was a magician.

DOCTOR: What was his favourite trick?

PLASMA: Sawing people in half

DOCTOR: Do you have any siblings?

PLASMA: One half-brother and two half-sisters.

DOCTOR: Is your father still around?

PLASMA: No, he disappeared after I was born.

DOCTOR: When were you born?

PLASMA: I don’t remember – I was only a baby at the time

DOCTOR: Oooh! I’ve got cramp in my hand. (switches hands to write)

PLASMA: I see you can write with either hand, Doctor.

DOCTOR: Yes, I’m ambidextrous.

PLASMA: I’d give my right arm to be ambidextrous.

DOCTOR: (hands her the clipboard) Would you mind signing this disclaimer?

PLASMA: What for?

DOCTOR: In case anything goes drastically wrong.


DOCTOR: Don’t worry, it’s just a formality. I’m a highly skilled surgeon. (searching desk) You didn’t notice a big book called, Operating For Dummies in the waiting room, did you?

PLASMA: No, Doctor!

DOCTOR: Never mind. I think I can remember most of it. Walk this way Please. (starts to exit SR walking in a ridiculous manner)

PLASMA: Look I know this is panto, but that’s the oldest gag in the book.

DOCTOR: If you think that gag’s old, just you wait until later.

Exit Doctor and Plasma (SR)