Beauty And The Beast Version 1

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SKU: BeautyandbeastV1PS Category:

Description

Synopsis:

The traditional story of a Prince transformed into a Beast and an ill-fated bet between the good Fairy Rose and the evil Witch Thorn. The plot of the well-loved fairy tale, blended with traditional pantomime characters, including a Dame and two ugly sister types.

Roles:

11 principals (envisages one actor doubling as the Prince and the Beast) plus several minor speaking roles, a chorus and a werewolf.

Runtime:

All of our scripts have a runtime of under 2hrs (not including any interval) But this is very dependent on your own production and can be edited by yourselves to suit your own needs.

Music:

All of our pantomimes come with a full, suggested songs and music cues and SFX list.

Style:

Traditional British pantomime, incorporating visual comedy, slapstick and audience participation.

Free Sample

Characters

Belle
Dame Dolly Donut
Canderel
Nutella
Mr Baguette
Prince Louis
Beast
Crouton
Gustave
Garcon
Fairy Rose
Witch Thorn

Chorus/Minor roles

Werewolf
Paramedics
Bakery workers; Castle servants; Children, Goblins; Wolves, etc.

Scene One

The Village Of Le Petit Pain

Baguette’s bakery is (USR) and has a practical door. Music cue 2: Chorus. After song ends…

Enter Belle (SR) reading a book.

CHORUS Good morning Belle!

BELLE: (looks up) Good morning all!

CHORUS 1: What book are you reading today, Belle?

BELLE: It’s called, The Hunchback Of Notre Dame.

CHORUS 2: What’s it about?

BELLE: A poor unfortunate man, who is persecuted because of his appearance.

CHORUS 3: People can be so cruel, can’t they?

Enter Gustave (SL)

BELLE: (glancing at Gustave) They certainly can.

CHORUS: It’s Gustave! (all gather around Gustave)

GUSTAVE: (posing) Feast your eyes, girls.

CHORUS 4: Have you got a partner for tonight’s village dance, Gustave?

GUSTAVE: No, but I’ll be choosing some lucky girl soon.

GIRLS: (in unison) Pick me, Gustave!

GUSTAVE: Sorry girls, you’ll have to wait and see. Run along now. I wish to speak to Belle – alone.

Exit Girls groaning in disappointment.

BELLE: Make it quick Gustave. I have better things to do, than stand talking to you.

GUSTAVE: You’ll change your tune, once you discover that you’re the lucky girl I’m taking to the village dance tonight.

BELLE: Well, this lucky girl is declining your invite.

GUSTAVE: You can’t be serious, Belle. Every girl in the village would jump at the chance of going to the dance with me.

BELLE: Then maybe you should ask one of them instead.

GUSTAVE: Why deny yourself Belle? We were meant for each other.

BELLE: I don’t think so Gustave. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve work to do at the bakery.

GUSTAVE: I hear you’re expecting a royal visitor today.

BELLE: Yes. Prince Louis is presenting father with an award, for services to baking.

GUSTAVE: And well deserved it is, I’m sure. It would be a pity if anything were to happen to his bakery.

BELLE: What do you mean by that?

GUSTAVE: Accidents do happen Belle. Earthquake, flood – fire!

BELLE: That sounded like a threat, Gustave.

GUSTAVE: Nonsense, Belle.

BELLE: I won’t be blackmailed into going out with you, Gustave.

GUSTAVE: Blackmail’s a nasty word, Belle.

BELLE: A nasty word for a nasty man.

GUSTAVE: I’ll leave you to think about it and ask you again later.

BELLE: The answer will still be the same.

GUSTAVE: Then I suggest you think carefully before answering, next time. (exits SL)

BELLE: I could never go out with that nasty and vain, Gustave.

Enter Crouton (SR) carrying a large baguette.

CROUTON: Hiya, Belle!

BELLE: (downbeat) Oh, hello Crouton.

CROUTON: What’s the matter, Belle? You look a bit down.

BELLE: Gustave’s asked me to the village dance and won’t take no for an answer.

CROUTON: He’s also been going around warning all the village boys, not to ask you out.

BELLE: It’s my father I’m worried about.

CROUTON: Why? Doesn’t he have anybody to go with?

BELLE: No! It’s his bakery.

CROUTON: You’ve lost me completely now, Belle.

BELLE: I’d better check the bakery’s smoke alarms. See you later Crouton. (exits SR)

CROUTON: Bye Belle! (to audience) Hello everybody! I’m Crouton, chief dough kneader at Baguette’s Bakery. And I need dough, believe me. My finances are flatter than a sunken soufflé. And to top it all, my baguette keeps going limp. (holds it up and it droops – see properties) See? I blame that new flour we’re using. It’s supposed to self-raising, but I keep having to pick it up myself. Can I trust you with a secret? Well, I’m in love with Mr Baguette’s daughter, Belle. She’s beautiful and kind, and everything I’ve ever dreamed of. I wonder if she could ever fall for a dough boy with a droopy baguette.

CAN & NUT: (singing off) ‘Heeey, heey, baby…’

CROUTON: That sounds like Mr Baguette’s stepdaughters, Canderel and Nutella. He inherited them after his second wife, died. I wouldn’t say they were ugly. But last week, a peeping-tom knocked on the door and begged them to shut their bedroom curtains.

Enter Canderel and Nutella (SL) singing.

CAN & NUT: Ooh-aah!’ (pelvic thrusts)

NUTELLA: There’s nothing like some good hard pelvic thrusting to start the day.

CANDEREL: It’s what keeps our bodies in shape.

CROUTON: I can never work out what shape they’re meant to be in.

NUTELLA: Watch it, dough boy!

CANDEREL: (indicating audience) What are that lot doing here?

CROUTON: I think they’re here to meet Prince Louis.

NUTELLA: (quivers) Oooh! The thought of Louis makes me gooey.

CANDEREL: I’m hoping to impress him with my enormous meringues. (hoists bosom)

NUTELLA: He won’t be interested in those. But he’ll be knocked out by my buns.

CANDEREL: Only if one falls on his head.

NUTELLA: My buns are not hard!

CANDEREL: Are so. You can cut diamonds with them.

NUTELLA: Can’t!

CANDEREL: Can!

NUTELLA: Can’t!

CANDEREL: Can!

NUTELLA: Let’s stop arguing sis’ and introduce ourselves to the plebs.

CANDEREL: I’ll go first. (to audience) Hello plebs! I’m Canderel! And unlike my fat, sour-faced sister. I’m sweet and adorable, with a fabulous figure.

NUTELLA: (to audience) I’m Nutella. And my sister’s been suffering from delusions, ever since her face got run over by a tram.

CANDEREL: Why you! (goes to scrag Nutella)

They flap their arms at each other in mock fighting.

Enter Baguette (SR)

BAGUETTE: Girls! What are you doing?

CROUTON: It’s called fighting, Mr Baguette.

CANDEREL: She started it, daddy!

NUTELLA: Oh no, I didn’t!

CANDEREL: Oh yes, you did!

BAGUETTE: Prince Louis will be here soon, and I want you to impress him.

NUTELLA: That’ll be easy for me. He’ll think I’m out of this world. (sexy pose)

CANDEREL: You’re like nothing on earth, that’s for sure.

BAGUETTE: I’d better go and check that everything’s ready for the royal visit.

NUTELLA: Give us your credit card first, stepdaddy dear.

BAGUETTE: What for?

CANDEREL: If we’re going to impress the Prince, we’ll need some posh frocks.

CROUTON: But you bought loads of stuff from Harvey Nick’s, only last week.

NUTELLA: We can’t be expected to wear outdated clothes!

CANDEREL: They’re sooooo, last week.

BAGUETTE: Anything for a quiet life. (hands over a credit card)

NUTELLA: (snatches card) Let’s go shopping, Candy.

BAGUETTE: Take Belle and see that she gets a new outfit too. Come with me Crouton.

CROUTON: Yes, Mr Baguette.

Exit Baguette and Crouton inside.

CANDEREL: We’ll make sure she gets it all right, won’t we Nutty?

NUTELLA: Definitely, Candy!

Exit Canderel and Nutella (SL) laughing.

Enter Dolly (SR) with a basket of sweets.

DOLLY: Hello boys and girls! I’m Dolly Donut, head baker at Baguette’s Bakery. My late husband, Duncan – take your time, it’s a slow burner that one – tragically died from a fractured skull, after a rolling-pin fell off the top cupboard and hit him on the head, and now I’m single and fancy-free. And the person I fancy is Crouton the dough boy. Oooh! He can knead my floury baps, anytime. Now I’ve just finished making a pick’n’mix cake for the Prince, and I’ve got lots of sweeties left over. I can’t eat them myself because I’m watching my figure. (to person on front row) You don’t get a body like mine by stuffing your face, love. So, I was wondering if you’d like them instead? (distributes sweets)

Enter Bakery Workers (SL)

WORKER 1: (cheery) Good morning, Dolly!

DOLLY: You’re all late for work again.

WORKER 2: Sorry Dolly, but the bus broke down.

DOLLY: That’s the third time this week!

WORKER 3: I know – only two more breakdowns, until the weekend.

DOLLY: You’d better all get your skates on. Prince Louis could arrive at any minute.

WORKER 4: Mr Baguette’s hoping that he’ll fancy one of his daughters.

DOLLY: The only one he could possibly fancy, is Belle. (to audience) Have you met her yet? Isn’t she gorgeous? She reminds me so much of myself, you know.

WORKER 5: In what way, Dolly?

DOLLY: It’s because we’re both blessed, with natural good looks.

WORKER 1: I’ve heard you use Botox.

DOLLY: I’ll admit I did try it once – but never again.

WORKER 2: Why not?

DOLLY: It tasted horrible. I also keep by body in perfect shape by dancing every day.

WORKER 3: Do you have a favourite piece of music to dance too, Dolly?

DOLLY: As a matter of fact, I do. (shouts) Hit it! Music cue 3: Dolly. After a few seconds she ends up locked in position and crying out in pain.

WORKER 4: What’s the matter, Dolly?

DOLLY: I think I’ve pulled something important!

WORKER 5: (shouts) Send for the paramedics!

SFX: Ambulance siren.

Enter two Paramedics at a run carrying a rolled-up stretcher. The canvas is attached to the poles with Velcro, these should give way with a ripping sound when they put Dolly on the stretcher and try lifting her.

PARA 1: Don’t move, Dolly!

DOLLY: I couldn’t if I wanted too!

PARA 2: Are you in much pain?

PARA 1: (holding his back) My back does ache a bit now that you mention it.

DOLLY: He means me, you fool! And yes, I am! Now hurry up and help me!

PARA 2: (to Para 1) Put the stretcher down next to her.

The stretcher is laid next to Dolly, and they roll her onto it.

PARA 1: (to Para 2) On the count three. One-two-three-lift!

They lift the stretcher-poles, which rip away from the canvas. And exit, leaving Dolly on the floor. She scrambles to her feet picks up the canvas.

DOLLY: Where did you buy this thing? Poundland? (throws canvas offstage)

Enter Crouton and Baguette at a run. Crouton carries a large baguette.

BAGUETTE: The Prince is Coming! Everybody, line up quick! Where are my daughters!?

Enter Canderel and Nutella at a run (SL)

CAN & NUT: Here we are stepdaddy dear!

BAGUETTE: Where’s Belle?

NUTELLA: How should we know?

BAGUETTE: Didn’t she go shopping with you?

CANDEREL: No, we couldn’t find her.

DOLLY: Are you sure you looked hard enough?

NUTELLA: We looked really, really, hard. Didn’t we, Candy?

CANDEREL: Yes, Nutty. Really, really, sincerely, hard.

NUTELLA: We looked high and low. (performs actions wrong way round)

CANDEREL: Left and right. (performs actions wrong way round)

NUTELLA: In and out.

CANDEREL: And roundabout.

BAGUETTE: But Belle was really looking forward to meeting the Prince.

NUTELLA: The Prince wouldn’t be interested in meeting her.

DOLLY: Oh yes, he would!

CAN & NUT: Oh no, he wouldn’t!

DOLLY: Oh yes, he would!

CAN & NUT: Oh no, he wouldn’t!

DOLLY: (with audience) Oh yes, he would!

CANDEREL: (to audience) You lot, shut your cake holes!

NUTELLA: Or we’ll come down there and beat you with a stale baguette.

Enter Belle (SR) reading a book.

BAGUETTE: Belle! Where have you been?

BELLE: To the library for another book, father.

CANDEREL: What’s so interesting about books, anyway?

CROUTON: You’ll never know unless you learn to read.

NUTELLA: Reading is for losers.

DOLLY: Didn’t you two learn anything at school?

CANDEREL: Yes. We learned how to apply makeup. (mimes applying makeup)

NUTELLA: How to pull Instagram pouts. (pouts)

CANDEREL: How to drink champers. (mimes drinking a pint)

NUTELLA: How to attract men. (seductive pose)

CANDEREL: And with bodies like ours, it’s us who’ll be doing the educating.

CAN & NUT: (pelvic thrust) Woof!

SFX: Loud fanfare.

BAGUETTE: The Prince is here! Quick Belle, get in line ready to greet him!

Belle lines up and Crouton holds the baguette in front with both hands.

NUTELLA: I see Belle’s not made the effort to dress up, then.

CANDEREL: I’ve seen better dressed scarecrows.

BELLE: Nice clothes are fine, but it’s what’s inside a person that really counts.

NUTELLA: (runs hands down body) It’s the outer wrapper that attracts in the first place.

CROUTON: (aside to audience) If anybody unwrapped her, they’d get PTSD.

SFX: Loud fanfare.

Enter Prince Louis (SL) all haughty and proud.

CROUTON: Three cheers for Prince Louis! (lead all incl audience) Hip-hip – hooray! (x3)

PRINCE: Only three cheers?

BAGUETTE: Three cheers are customary, your highness.

PRINCE: A Prince and should get more than anybody else. (indicating audience)

BAGUETTE: I’ll get them to do it again, your highness.

PRINCE: Forget it. There’s no point in flogging a dead horse.

BAGUETTE: Let me introduce my staff, your highness. This is my head baker, Dolly Donut.

DOLLY: Hello, your slyness. (curtsies) I can’t wait to show you my crusty bloomers.

PRINCE: I’m not interested in your underwear!

DOLLY: It’s a type of loaf, your highupness!

PRINCE: Isn’t it rather uncomfortable?

BAGUETTE: Go and fetch in the Prince’s surprise, Dolly.

DOLLY: Oh, yes! Just wait until you see what I’ve got tucked away in my pantry, your royal cupcake. (exits into bakery)

BAGUETTE: This is Crouton, my dough boy.

CROUTON: How do your flouriness! (bows and pokes his eye with the baguette)

BAGUETTE: And these are my beautiful daughters. Canderel.

CANDEREL: (awkward curtsey) Delighted, your incontinence!

PRINCE: You’re obviously potty.

BAGUETTE: Nutella.

NUTELLA: (awkward curtsey) Greetings, your monstrosity!

PRINCE: You can talk.

BAGUETTE: And my youngest daughter, Belle.

BELLE: (perfect curtsey) Your highness.

PRINCE: You’re quite pretty – in a common sort of a way. I might consider taking you out sometime.

BELLE: I’m very flattered your highness. But I’d have to get to know you first.

PRINCE: I’m a rich and handsome Prince! What more do you need to know?

BELLE: Wealth and looks aren’t everything, your highness. I’d need to know what you’re like inside.

PRINCE: Blood and guts – what else?

CANDEREL: (simpering) Blue blood of course.

NUTELLA: (simpering) And regal guts.

CROUTON: You utter creeps!

BAGUETTE: (taking Belle aside) Why did you refuse a date with the Prince, Belle?

BELLE: Because he’s egotistical, vain and pompous?

BAGUETTE: And apart from that?

CANDEREL: (grabs Prince) Forget her, Princey. Marry me and you won’t live to regret it.

NUTELLA: (grabs the Prince) That’s because you’ll be dead, after sampling her cooking. Whereas mine is ala-carte.

CANDEREL: Dustbin cart, more like. Her ratatouille is made with real rat.

NUTELLA: Is not!

CANDEREL: Is too!

BAGUETTE: Girls, please! Not in front of the Prince! Now, go inside and help Dolly.

CAN & NUT: Yes, stepdaddykins.

NUTELLA: Don’t go away Princey.

CANDEREL: We’ll be back to show you our ring doughnuts.

PRINCE: (shudders) What a horrible thought.

Exit Canderel and Nutella into the bakery.

BAGUETTE: Come along everybody. Let’s leave the Prince and Belle alone, to get to know each other.

Exit others into the bakery, leaving Belle and the Prince alone. They walk downstage and cloth/tabs close behind them.

PRINCE: It seems we’re all alone, Belle.

BELLE: I have lots of work to do, your highness. So, I’ll bid you good day. (turns)

PRINCE: (grabs her arm) Don’t go!

BELLE: (firmly) Please let go of my arm. (pulls arm away)

PRINCE: I’m sorry if I gave you the wrong impression Belle. But that’s not the real me.

BELLE: (unconvinced) Really?

PRINCE: Royalty are taught to remain aloof, but I hate pretending to be all hoity-toity.

BELLE: Do you really mean that?

PRINCE: Yes Belle! I’d prefer to muck in and be like everybody else.

BELLE: Perhaps I have misjudged you.

PRINCE: Do you think we could start again?

BELLE: Very well. (offers her hand) I’m Belle – how do you do?

PRINCE: I’m Louis – pleased to meet you Belle. (shakes her hand)

BELLE: Did you really mean what you said earlier, about me being pretty?

PRINCE: I’ve not meet anyone more beautiful. Would you go out with me sometime?

BELLE: I’d like that very much. But I meant what I said about getting to know you first.

PRINCE: Then let’s start right now. Music cue 4: Prince & Belle. After song ends…

SFX: Smoke pours onstage from the bakery.

BELLE: (sniffs) Something’s burning!

Enter Baguette from the bakery at a run.

BAGUETTE: My bakery’s on fire! Somebody, please call the fire brigade!

PRINCE: I’ll use my royal mobile. (produces a mobile, with a little crown on top)

BAGUETTE: I must try and save my bakery! (exits back inside)

BELLE: No, father! (exits inside)

PRINCE: (calls) No, Belle! (using mobile) Hello! Is that the fire brigade? Baguette’s Bakery’s on fire! Come quickly! (puts mobile away)

Music cue 5: Enter Witch Thorn (SL)

WITCH: Greetings, Prince Louis.

PRINCE: Do I know you?

WITCH: No, but everybody knows the handsome Prince Louis. Girls swoon at the very mention of your name.

PRINCE: (flattered) They do?

WITCH: All they see, is that you are rich and handsome. But I know that beneath that handsome exterior, beats a cold and conceited heart.

PRINCE: (dismissive) That’s all a sham. On the outside, I might appear to be vain and cold-hearted. But inside, I’m really a very nice person.

WITCH: (furious) What! But that means Fairy Rose will win the bet, and I’ll have to give up my magic powers and go and live in Spooky Wood!

PRINCE: (puzzled) Fairy!? Bet!? I demand to know what you’re talking about.

WITCH: Silence! (waves a hand and Prince freezes) Fairy Rose must have known that Prince Louis had a soft heart all along, to suggest the bet in the first place. If she wants to play dirty, then so be it. I’ll forget our agreement and use magic to win.

Fairy Rose believes beauty comes from within,

But I’ll prove that the veneer is rather thin.

The Prince will be ugly to say the least,

When I turn him into a horrible, beast! (waves a hand at him)

Snap blackout – dimmed green lighting on – smoke drifts onstage.

Enter Goblins (SL) who encircle the Prince. Between them they carry items of the Beast’s costume. A Jacket – a beastly headpiece – beastly hand hands, etc. Goblins dance around the Prince. Music Cue 6: and he gradually sinks to the floor and is hidden from view. As they dance, the Goblins begin to dress the hidden Prince. One puts on the jacket, another the beastly headpiece, another the beastly hands, and so on, until he has been transformed into the Beast.

As music nears the end. Goblins form a tight circle around the Beast who is hunkered on the floor. Music builds to a crescendo, and on the climax, Goblins exit, leaving the transformed Prince hunkered on the floor. He slowly rises and moves downstage, looking at his hands and looking confused. (see properties for alternative transformation scene)

WITCH: (laughs) Fairy Rose will never win the bet now!

BEAST: What’s going on? Who are you?

WITCH: I’m Witch Thorn. And I’ve just turned your highness into a horrible beast, that nobody could ever love.

BEAST: (bemused) Witch!? Beast!? (feels his face and roars in anguish) Noooo!

Enter Fairy Rose (SR) at a run.

FAIRY: (sees Beast) What have you done? I thought we agreed no magic.

WITCH: You knew all along that Prince Louis had a soft heart – deny it if you can.

FAIRY: I see the goodness inside everyone. But I don’t need to use magic to see it.

WITCH: You thought you’d trick me. But this time I’ve outsmarted you.

BEAST: (to Fairy) Are you a witch, too?

FAIRY: No, I’m Fairy Rose. Witch Thorn and I had a wager about you and Belle, but we weren’t supposed to use magic.

BEAST: You mean, I’ve been used as part of some twisted bet?

FAIRY: I meant no harm your highness. I only wanted to prove that true beauty comes from within.

WITCH: (produces a red rose and hands it to the Beast) Here, your highness. A rose to remind you of Fairy Rose’s losing bet. When it dies, so shall you. Unless somebody should still fall in love with you that is. (exits SL laughing)

BEAST: Then I’m doomed. For not even Belle could love a horrible beast.

FAIRY: Once I explain to Belle what’s happened, she’s sure to ignore your outward appearance and see the real you.

BEAST: You’ve caused enough trouble. Belle must never discover what’s happened to me. I will return to my castle and hide away from the world – forever!

FAIRY: Stay your highness and let your goodness shine through your beastly facade!

BEAST: No! I’m done with being good! If I’d been nasty as Witch Thorn believed, I wouldn’t be as I am now. From now on I will mirror how I look. I will be – a horrible beast! (roars and exits SL)

FAIRY: Oh dear, this really is too bad,

I never meant to make him sad.

It’s my duty now to put things right,

And my task begins this very night. (exits SR)

Enter Belle from the bakery.

BELLE: Louis, have you rung the fire – where is he? (to audience) What happened to the Prince? What? A beast! Oh no, a wild beast must have appeared and chased him away. I wonder if I’ll ever see him again.

SFX: Loud explosion.

BELLE: (exclaims) Father!

Enter Baguette and Crouton from the bakery, coughing and propping each other up, with bits of dough draped over them.

BAGUETTE: (wails) Woe is me! My beautiful bakery is destroyed!

BELLE: It’s dreadful father, but least nobody was hurt, and that’s the main thing.

CROUTON: And once the insurance company pays up, you can rebuild it.

BAGUETTE: I’m not insured!

BELLE: How come, father?

BAGUETTE: The cover ran out yesterday. And what with the visit of the Prince and everything, I completely forgot to renew it.

Enter Dolly staggering in from the bakery. Dishevelled and with a piece of plaster stuck in her mouth.

DOLLY: (spits out the plaster) What happened!?

CROUTON: I think the oven blew up, Dolly.

DOLLY: I suppose I’ll have to fill in an accident report now.

BELLE: I don’t believe it was an accident.

BAGUETTE: What do you mean, Belle?

BELLE: I think Gustave, might’ve had something to do with it.

BAGUETTE: Why would Gustave want to destroy my bakery?

BELLE: I refused to go to the village dance with him, and he turned nasty and mentioned something about, accidents happening.

DOLLY: Then shouldn’t somebody call the police?

CROUTON: Forget it, Dolly. We’d never be able to prove it.

BELLE: Crouton’s right. It would just be my word against Gustave’s.

Enter Canderel and Nutella from the bakery.

CANDEREL: What happened to the bakery?

NUTELLA: We were in our bedroom prettifying ourselves ready for the Prince, when there was an enormous explosion!

CANDEREL: I thought it was Nutella passing wind. But even her trumps wouldn’t blow the place up.

BAGUETTE: Belle thinks it was arson.

NUTELLA: Why would the ex-Arsenal manager burn down our bakery?

DOLLY: Not Arsene Wenger! Somebody else!

BAGUETTE: And the bakery wasn’t insured, so I can’t rebuild it.

CANDEREL: Then you’ll just have to get a bank loan.

CROUTON: Haven’t you heard of the credit crunch?

NUTELLA: What’s that then? Some new cereal bar?

BAGUETTE: No. It means the banks won’t lend money anymore, and I’m ruined!

BELLE: Maybe Aunt Brioche will loan you the money. She’s rich enough.

CANDEREL: Tell the old crusty to cough up the dough.

BAGUETTE: It’s worth a try. I’ll set off for London at once. Go and ready my horse, Crouton.

CROUTON: Yes, Mr Baguette. (exits SL)

DOLLY: Couldn’t you just ring her instead?

BAGUETTE: No, she’s rather eccentric and shuns all modern technology.

NUTELLA: Bring me back a Gucci handbag from Harrods, stepdaddykins.

CANDEREL: And I’ll have a solid gold, diamond encrusted Rolex.

BAGUETTE: I can’t afford expensive stuff anymore. I’ll see if there’s a Poundland nearby. And what would you like Belle?

BELLE: I don’t want anything father.

BAGUETTE: I can’t bring your stepsisters back a gift and not you.

BELLE: Then bring me back a single red rose.

CAN & NUT: (sneer) A rose!?

BELLE: Yes – I love roses.

BAGUETTE: Very well Belle, a single red rose it is.

Enter Crouton (SL)

CROUTON: Your horse is ready and waiting, Mr Baguette.

BAGUETTE: Thank you, Crouton. Kingsmill will get me to London in no time.

NUTELLA: That bag of old bones couldn’t make it to the front gate, never mind London.

CANDEREL: He’s already got one foot in the glue factory.

BAGUETTE: Nonsense! Kingsmill’s a sturdy old steed. Wish me luck then. (exits SL)

ALL (waving) Good luck!

NUTELLA: What are we supposed to do now?

BELLE: What do you mean, Nutella?

CANDEREL: Well, we’ve got nowhere to live.

NUTELLA: And no money.

DOLLY: Then you’ll just have to do the same as me and Crouton.

CANDEREL: And what’s that?

CROUTON: Get yourselves a temporary job until the bakery’s been rebuilt.

NUTELLA: We’re not built for manual labour!

CROUTON: Then what are you built for?

CANDEREL: With bodies like ours, you need to ask?

NUTELLA: We need something that matches our physical qualities.

CANDEREL: I might have just the job, Nutty. (produces a newspaper clipping) Look. Castle Bruschetta is advertising for two personal lifestylists.

NUTELLA: That sounds perfect for us. (posing) We are fashion icons, after all.

CANDEREL: The castle is probably owned by a rich Prince.

NUTELLA: Once he sees me, he’ll fall madly in love and want to take me up the aisle.

CANDEREL: Throw you in the canal more like.

NUTELLA: If we’re going to work for a Prince, we’d better go shopping first.

BELLE: You’re going shopping at a time like this?

CANDEREL: We must replace all our designer outfits that got destroyed in the fire.

CAN & NUT: See you later – losers! (exit SR singing) ‘Heeey, heey, baby – oh-aah…’

DOLLY: We’d better get down the job centre, Crouton.

CROUTON: Okay Dolly.

DOLLY: We’ll you later Belle.

Exit Dolly and Crouton (SL)

BELLE: I’ll go to the pawnshop and see what I can get for this gold brooch that mother left me. Just in case father doesn’t get a loan from Aunt Brioche. (exits SR)